Past story, but can I get an opinion on the decision I made with this girl?

A while back, years ago... i met this girl.. we got to talking. we would go on for hours (honeymoon phase... i know) then i wanted to know where we were at. So while drinking one night, i tell her im not looking for a relationship, but a friend with benefits...
She sounded so relieved... and said she wanted the same. One time!! the first time we have sex and all of a sudden, she is in love and wants a relationship. I stalled for months... as long as i could, we were still messing around though.

One day, i decide "huh, why not give it a shot", but i was in a bad place then, bills but no income, and my budget could not take what i had planned to see if dating her would be a good thing.
I planned to have her stay at my place for the weekend, i'd cook, be a good host, cuddling and Netflix, good sex, movies... blah blah the works. So... I asked her to borrow me a bit to add to what i could spare ($50 in case someone wants a definite figure. i know i would). She says no, which is fine, but thats not all, her attitude and demeanor just went cold too, and she ignored me for like 2 weeks after. which is fine... i didn't give no fucks..
Weeks later she contacts like nothing happened... at this point, im drinking so im brutally honest, and i said EXACTLY what i planned to do when i asked to borrow from her. When she hears it, she bursts out crying, saying she didn't know, she is sorry, she begs me to try it again but... yeah... im beyond that at this point.
Many guys want a "ryde or dye" chick, and the message she conveyed just spoke to me like she wasn't... even though i know that she is the clingy type that would probably spend her last penny on her man.

So question to you GaGers... was i wrong to dump the whole notion over a single act? or do you guys feel like i didn't want to date her in the first place and am using that act as an excuse... or do i really have a point here by looking in too deep?


Most Helpful Girl

  • I think both of you have probably jumped to an assumption not seeing where the other was fully coming from tbh...
    By not making it fully clear what you were borrowing it for at the time it just looks like this guy who wasn’t that interested in a relationship with her is asking for money - potentially in exchange for agreeing to date her.
    Perhaps, just as you’re re-evaluating the situation she did too. Which is why weeks later she approached you again to see where things stood and it wasn’t great.

    Kind of seems that you weren’t in a place to date though

    • I've considered what she must have been thinking. thats why i asked if maybe i was using that reaction as a way to avoid doing something i didn't even want to do in the first place. Of course dating wasn't a good idea but this bi... i mean... girl... was adamant.
      i was gonna play her, but i'd just quit the game...

    • Seems likely - let’s be honest how impressed are the majority of women going to be if a man she’s interested in dating asks to borrow money? You could have explained in detail what it was for, or made the date work even without it but for whatever reason you didn’t so this could have been a subconscious self sabotage

    • hmm... and im someone that has access to all my levels of consciousness... i just can't control what they do. I thought in some way i did sabotage it myself... i mean, she was pretty... face-wise. but she was a bit on the chunky side?
      and now that she has lost a ton of weight... i still use that moment as a blanket. plus... i don't try to impress women, a thing i started since i was 22. women pick and choose What to be impressed by.
      so i just be me. if she is impressed? yay... if she is not... i still fucking had fun and she can go fuck herself lol... im a little psycho huh

Most Helpful Guy

  • I think your way over thinking it. Bottem line is do you want the relationship or the fwb? In my own opinion, if you can't keep up with bills now.. A relationship is the last thing you need. Get yourself together first, then talk to her...

    • missing the point here. first off... this was YEARS ago. was in a bad place THEN. my question was the last three lines.
      You are right, and i HAVE used that before, and i tell people that. If you are not in a good financial place, especially as a guy, dating or a relationship is the last thing you need. Im not saying you are wrong, im saying you haven't answered my question (last 3 lines)

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    • Meh.. Live and learn right?

    • definitely learned.

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What Girls Said 2

  • Tbh I do know what you mean when you say 'ride or die' at the end of the day both of u are in the wrong if you asked to borrow money you should of told her what for? But then again you don't need to explain yourself to anyone so tough call

  • I think that both of you were acting a bit irrational... She seems "a little" emotionally unstable, but speaking your mind while drinking does NOT help anything. However, you need to go with your gut feeling on this one!

    • just a little? we both were irrational. i wanted to see if she would be ride or die... and she wanted some version of a man i could Not be.

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    • I am on my cell... It's 3:33am... and I am not good with technology. And it is more on drinking age than drinking itself

    • check your messages.

What Guys Said 0

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