Is this a horrible idea (please help me)?

So a little over a month ago I went on a date with a girl I met on Bumble. It went great, we went for a walk in the park and then went out for dinner afterwards, it was like a 6 hour date. The problem was that I'm still in school which is a couple of hours away and she has a full time job at home. We texted each other every day for a couple of weeks in between that first date and our intended next date (which was for her to come meet me, she said she wanted to do it after I had kind of jokingly proposed it) and then the night before she sent me a long apologetic text saying that she couldn't come bc she had something come up. I texted back saying that I understood and hoped that we could do something together soon. Never heard from her again. I reached out the following weekend and heard nothing again. I wasn't about to try and reach out a second time, but here I lay at about 3 AM contemplating this, and perhaps it's because I have a hard time moving on from things in my life that concluded for no reason. Like what'd I do wrong?

Sure it might make me look even worse in her eyes, but how bad would it be if I were to say "Hey ___. I just wanted you to know that I'm sorry if I ever said anything inappropriate that I didn't realize, or if you felt uncomfortable about coming to visit me but just didn't want to say so. I would've understood. I guess I got too excited way too early on. (wouldn't add this but seriously-- Also for future reference, guys take it much better if you just say you're not interested rather than ghosting them. Please do this from now on.) I wish you all the best." Literally this is the 10th time I've been ghosted by someone I've dated. But to string me along for 3 whole weeks? And to send an apologetic message that is like 2 paragraphs long and then disappear? Saying this would help me feel less "guilty" so to speak. That's weird, but i think it might help me. I don't know, this is probably retarded.


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What Girls Said 1

  • I like the apologize I would include say "can we talk" maybe... I don't know i had a hard time with this guy one time who wouldn't stop texting or calling me and wouldn't give me space... but what you say is something I wished this guy would have said. I like how yoy wrote it and that you said sorry... And how you just left it with "best wishes" because when a guy saids sorry and then keeps going on and on it drives me crazy that I start to block him on everything.
    She could just be really busy but I think telling her this will turn the situation around more.
    I approve : )

    • i mean odds are she won't say anything back to me because I tried reaching out to her asking how her thing went a few weeks back. I don't know. I just think life is short and even if she looks down on me for saying this, it'll make me feel better. I didn't mean to force her into anything, and I didn't think that I was doing that

What Guys Said 2

  • Some people like having a pen pal, and then when confronted with actually meeting or dating someone they get scared or have some other reason. Watch out for building a relationship over text. try to keep those messages light but present. At least until you're actually dating them.

    • i can definitely agree with that. Having it be my first relationship at 21 probably didn't help either. I got way too excited at the beginning no doubt. I just don't want her to think I'm a douche. It doesn't matter, but I don't want to feel at fault

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    • It wouldn't hurt to send a message, but get it down to a sentence or two. Don't apologize or give advice. Be concise, but warm. Ask a simple question.

    • oh i'm not giving advice haha. That was a joke. I don't really know what to ask though

  • Na, not weird. For whatever reason, she just wasn't feeling it. It happens. Dont become an annoying clinger on.


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