Best friends with Guy/Hook-Up well, former, uhh...complicated.

My best friend and I hooked up a few times. However, we have talked every day several times a day for almost a year. He stopped having sex with me because he said he didn't want to hurt me and I was getting too close. He says he loves me and wishes we could date but he is still married (separated for over 2 years) and his wife is in rehab for drugs and multiple suicide attempts. He says he does not know what he wants. She is several states away in treatment and he has seen her twice in a year. We hang out when I visit him and we sleep in the same bed but no sex or messing around. He only sleeps with his arm around me and will only kiss me goodbye (very quick kiss) He says I am his best friend and he can't imagine having me in his life but he can't decide what to do. He says he is afraid he could not live with the guilt of divorcing his wife and then have her kill herself. He loves her a lot and he loves me too. He says it makes him sick to his stomach to think of me dating someone else but I should not wait on him. He went to see her this past weekend. He slept in the same bed with her but he said nothing happened. I know he sleeps in the same bed with me but nothing happens either. He says he will never give me up as a friend and if she asked me to he would drop her immediately. He says no one will come between our friendship. I have not accepted the reality we will never date I guess. Does anyone have any advice on how I get over this and only consider him a friend? Why does a guy say he loves me (it's not for sex because we are not having any) and would be sick if I dated other men but he says he can't date me either because he would end up hurting me? What is up with this? :-(


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  • Hmmmmmm.. its clear he is attracted to you and wants you aeound. But I think if he can't promise you anything then you should definitely move on. But good question, how? I always believe OUT OF SIGHT OUT OF MIND. But that's horrible if you still want to be friends. Personally, I think he is a bit of a coward. The thing is if he does no longer want to be with his wife as he is not happy. You think he's doing the right thing by staying with her? He can't live like that forever surely :/ ?! .. It will only prolong it as she's going to get hurt regardless. By doing what he is doing he is also hurting himself and you. I get the whole marriage thing in sickness and in health stuff but he broke his vows the minute he had sex with you. Sooo... I think you need to give him an ultimatium. Does that sound heartless? Just you will never move on either. Its definitely unfair on you.

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