Had sex with friend but I realised he might have a girlfriend. What should I do?

A month ago, I had dinner with a guy friend (known each other for a year, mostly only talked through FB or in groups).

I asked him how his love life is going (just making conversation). He said he has a friend who likes him, but he said she's too clingy, so he isn't interested. So I got the impression he is single. He showed me her instagram account, so I know who she is. I've never met her before.

That night, he ended up initiating sex with me. I was comfortable with the idea, so I just went for it.

After I spent the night at his place, I started to get a feeling that there was more to the situation than I thought - he was showing typical fuckboy behaviour. I checked his lady friend's instagram profile to see if something was up.

Over time, I've discovered they like all of each other's photos, take photos of the same things on the same days, she posts pictures with him on dates/hugging him (his face is usually not in pics but I know it's him). He posts no pictures of her.

I spoke to my friends who know this guy and they think either A) he's a fuckboy and she is falling for him, or B) they are having a 'secret' relationship thing. But clearly spend a lot of time together. If they do have a relationship, that means he cheated on her with me.

I've heard nothing from him, but he watches my instagram stories almost every single day. I haven't asked to meet him, because I can tell he isn't interested in meeting me again. I realised he unfollowed me at some point, but he still checks up on me.

I don't expect anything from him. It's obvious he's investing his time and energy into her so I'm not trying to 'win' him.

I'm going to see him at a party this weekend, and I don't know what I should say to him, or if I should say anything at all. We have a lot of mutual friends and I don't want to start drama, so I don't know what to do. I feel sorry for the girl because she probably has no idea what he's been doing. Any advice would be appreciated, thank you!!

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Most Helpful Guy

  • You are wise to not want to be involved with this guy. He is either a fuckboy or a cheater. If you think you need to talk to him, you could say, "I have discovered that you are not the person who I thought you were and I am disappointed in you. I don't want to have any drama and I don't want to cause any complications in your life but I do not want to remain as your friend. Please leave me alone, don't contact me again, and we'll be fine." Then block him on your social media and have no contact.

    If you are at a social event and he is present, treat him as you would treat a stranger. You don't need to engage in any efforts to avoid him but just don't approach him.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I would do this girl and ask about their relationship, if they are dating let her know that he cheated but you had no idea then let her deal with the rest.

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    • I really want her to know about what's happened, but then I feel like that will just make me more involved in their problem... I'm also thinking she might just find out herself as well. It's really hard to navigate :(

    • She has a right to know and the longer you wait, the more it'll hurt in the end

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What Guys Said 10

  • Say nothing. His relationship is HIS problem, not yours. Not your circus, not your monkeys. And imagine how awkward it would be if you were wrong, and he'd been honest with you. "I had sex with your boyfriend; I'm sorry." and she goes off and starts beating up on some OTHER guy...

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    • I agree, it's not my place to say anything to her. I wanted to ask the guy about this directly to clear things up but he hasn't spoken to me in quite a while, so maybe I'm just better off leaving the whole situation alone?

    • I would. Like I said, not your problem. What would be the gain if you confronted him? You have no actions to perform; the sex was a one-off. I'm not seeing an upside to the question...

    • Yeah thank you. I'm not really seeing an upside to it either I guess, but everytime I asked my friends for advice about what I should do I get mixed responses - some people say I should tell the girl so she knows what's going on, some people say I should ignore it. So I guess I wanted to hear what people on this site have to say since I appreciate all feedback on this situation.

  • What is a fuckboy? Also if you trully dont care then carry on with life as normal. Do you really feel sorry for the girl? Because im my opinion its her problem. Not yours. Dont make her problems yours. unless you want to run for mayor or mother teresa. Dont try to balance the fairness and equality equilibrium because you won't win. The only way you'll win is if you cut your losses and move forward. Unless you want to involve yourself enough to make it your problem. But that also means you care a little bit about this "fuckboy." must be nice having you as a friend. Why werent my teenage friends more like you

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    • Sorry, I probably should have said 'player', not 'fuckboy' - but they pretty much mean the same thing these days haha. I know I care about him to an extent, I've known him for over a year and I'm a naturally caring person so I guess it's just in my nature. But sometimes being too caring can be inconvenient! :/

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    • i experienced being a fuckboy at least once in my life. it was stress for everybody involved including me. some girls just like the excitement of that stress and fooling around making him choose. the process of this cycle has trouble all over it. i was almost in a car crash and there was a legitimate family in the other car. so save all of you the trouble. but in the end its entirely about what you want and what you can risk

    • Yep that's right. I've been in a situation where I liked a guy who was a player/fuckboy before and it really messed up my mental health - I don't want to put myself through that kind of stress again. At the time I thought it was a bit of fun, but in the end I just wasted my time and embarrassed myself. I do care about the guy now but I don't want to mess around playing 'who can get the guy' games. Just feels childish...

  • Distance yourself from him. You don't need to be his side chick.

    I wouldn't be sleeping with a girl who I know has a boyfriend. It just isn't right. If you didn't know that's a different thing though.

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    • Yeah I didn't know at the time, he didn't tell me he was in a relationship/involved with anyone :/ He said that he wasn't interested in this girl but later on I discovered he clearly is and must have lied to me. I'm trying to keep my distance but sometimes it gets hard because we have the same social circles.

    • Be cordial in public but don't do anything more. He's a scumbag. I feel bad for his girlfriend.

  • If I was you I would walk straight in that party and just ignore him. Be the better person. If he comes up to you say you're not interested in his petty excuses.

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  • I'm not sure what to say for me I just wouldn't get involved not tryi g to cause problems for no one 😅

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  • Just act normal and distant yourself from in case he wants a round 2

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  • " What should I do?"

    Maybe not sleep with people day one.
    But that might be too much of a radical idea.

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    • I agree with you, I shouldn't have gotten myself into this situation, and I don't want to do anything like that again. But the point is I'm in the situation now so I'm just trying to figure out what to do. :)

    • Well, in any case unless you are sure about all the information I wouldn't do anything.
      He is obviously a fuckboy, but if he is actually interested in the girl and they aren't actually in a relationship it would be kind of a dick move to ruin it for him.
      I'd just suggest to let it go and focus more on making sure *you* don't get yourself burned the next time.

    • Yeah that's how I feel about it too, I don't want to ruin anything because then everyone ends up miserable... I just hope the girl eventually figures out he isn't as honest as he makes out to be

  • So you like him? Only problem is you want to know whether he's have a girlfriend or not?

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    • At first I thought I liked him, but I'm not interested anymore. Too many problems. I asked this question because I feel confused about whether I should be saying/doing anything about what's happened.

  • Have a 3some!!!

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  • Couldn't keep it in your pants now could it

    This proves guys and girls can't be "just friends"

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    • Haha I have guys who I can be friends with because I'm not attracted to them at all. But I guess on some level I always found this guy sort of attractive, but I didn't think I would take any action on it till I was in the situation. So I agree that it can be hard to 2 people to stay friends when there's a mutual attraction.

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    • guys and girls can't be "just friends". IT doesn't WORK, FOOL

    • Okay okay lol no need for caps :P

What Girls Said 1

  • Well damn. Personally, I’d keep my distance. He used you and probably did that same to her. I feel like he’s dating her but I’m the market for a better option. At the party I wouldn’t say anything to him. If he says hi to you... keep it casual like a hey what’s up and just keep it moving. He doesn’t have any respect for you nor for said “friend girl.” And who knows how many others there are. Just be the bigger person and leave him alone.

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