Who should pay on the first date?

So I recently got asked out this past weekend. I initially said no and asked the guy if he could wait till next week when I got paid. He insisted that he would pay, etc, etc. okay. So I went out with him. It wasn't a great date. Kinda awkward. But I definitely did not have a good time. He was rude to our waiter, and then said something along the lines of "if you have a bunch of guy friends, that basically means they just all want to sleep with you. You can't talk to any of them if you're with me". I didn't respond to that comment. But he made a lot of degrading comments about women. I had NO idea he was like this. We work together. And he had been nothing but nice and respectful. Well, the following Monday, he asked if I would like to go out again and I said no. So he decided to make this whole big deal about how I owe him money for my part of the date.

I mean, I'll pay him back. But, why do guys like this exist? And how do I avoid this for the future? I had offered to wait it out until I got paid, but I've noticed that most guys get weirded out when I offer to pay.

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  • First of all I would definitely say that this guy sounds like a prick. Insults aside I do think that you should never expect someone to pay for your food etc on a first date. Splitting the bill is NOT bad in any shape or form as it shows you are both independent and can pay for yourself. Only when things get a little more serious does paying on someone's behalf become more acceptable. I hope in your case however that you don't continue to see this person as he sounds pathetic. Next time you go on a date at least take some money with you or let your date know that you haven't got enough money prior to planning anything. It's never bad to ask to split and if I knew my date didn't come out with money then it would instantly give me the impression she's not of the independent sort.

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    • Can you read? Or just don't know how? I told him beforehand that I couldn't afford to go on a date and asked him if he could wait until payday. It has nothing to do with not being independent. I use whatever left over money I have to pay my student loans. I'm almost done. I told him to wait until payday because I had no money and HE INSISTED ON PAYING. I NEVER assumed he would pay.

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    • Looks like you had a shit date sweetie, naww never mind I'm sure you will have plenty more guys turn you the fuck down. Fucking sponge.

    • And don't go telling me you turned him down because he turned you down the moment he started acting up whilst coming to the realisation of what a shit date you was. Get the fuck out of here trash. Learn manners or get treated like a fucking dog

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What Guys Said 6

  • The best way I've seen this put is ask if you can contribute to the bill but don't insist on paying. They will probably say they have it covered and appreciate you are not just trying to get a free meal out of them.
    If they whip out a calculator to work out the split we'll it's up to you how to take that

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  • For me the guy is just strange in this case. I mean I am old fashioned and I always want to pay. Like maybe split it but usually I would want to pay but if you don't want to go on a second date I wouldn't ask you to pay me back that's just very bad manners.

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    • I honestly don't see why that would be bad manners but ok. I don't think it's the most romantic but if a date didn't go well then why try to keep up the charm when the romance fell flat on it's face the moment you both parted ways. Be a man & be a woman and accept the fact that if you TOLD someone that you would pay them back then guess what? Pay them the fuck back.

    • @Hypno93 I also didn't automatically say I would pay him back. I first offered to pay my part and he insisted on paying. That was it.

      He thought the date was great and I was polite about turning him down. I wasn't mean about it. We just got paid and I offered to give him back the money and he looked insulted. And he kept saying "I'm not cheap. You're a gold digger" even though we get paid the same because we're coworkers! I offered him the money and he declined. But now he's telling people that I used him for a free meal and saying that I won't pay him back , WHEN that was NEVER a problem. I offered and he DECLINED.

    • @Hypno93 also. If you TOLD someone you would pay for them, own up to that too. I never told him I would pay him back. I only offered to AFTER he made a big deal about me turning him down. He wouldn't be asking for his money back if I had agreed to the second date.

  • I always split the bill, I'm looking for an equal in a relationship, I'm not going to pay for everything until I know we get along. I've got too much self respect for that. It also helps prevent things like you went through. You don't owe him anything if you each pay your own part. Then if it doesn't work out, no one lost anything.

    As far as avoiding it, some guys can put on a mask and hide their real selves in public (sociopath), but since you should be able to get a feel before hand, it's usually easy to spot a total asshole. But overall, it's luck of the draw. Guys have the same issues with women during first dates. You never know till you go.

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  • Whether or not he insisted on paying, he asked you out. To me, that automatically means he should pay for everything. Guy sounds like a loser. Blow him off and keep your money.

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    • So if you ask your friends to head out for some drinks you would then be liable to pay for them all? Different people but same concept. My point is that there is nothing wrong with trying to establish independence towards an individual. I would be impressed if a girl was adamant to pay half. Remember you are on your first date and that date may aswell be a stranger to you.

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    • @Hypno93 I think we finally agree on something. haha.

    • I offered to pay my half but asked if we could wait until payday. I was clear about not having any money because all my bills fall on the first of the month and I'm trying to pay off my student loans. He still insisted and kept saying he would pay. But because I didn't want to go out again, he wants his money back.

  • he should pay if u told him u couldn't before u went and he still made u no Matter how the date went

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