Back story: I was best friends with this girl in high school, we never dated or kissed or anything, and I always enjoyed spending time with her. We'd talk until three in the morning about everything and anything and rarely would bring up other crushes to each other. We'd date other people and stop hanging out for a bit but when it would end we'd be hanging out again. I always wanted to tell her how I felt and the one time I should've, I didn't because I was dating someone else and took it more seriously than I should have. Fast forward a few years and I'm engaged to someone else and not happy but won't admit it to myself. I tell her how I felt back in the day at dinner to discuss an event she needed my help with which was the first time we'd talked in three years. She didn't leave sooner than she needed to and almost seemed hurt. She or one of her family members then starts to pop up in my life every year since that night. She hasn't seemed to have dated anyone since I told her and we were both so happy to see each other. Fast forward a few more years and I'm depressed with how miserable my marriage is for both my spouse and myself and want a divorce, after finding out about her committing adultery, my decision is final. The marriage barely lasted two years and the relationship was probably dead long before then. So the divorce was finalized a few months ago and I've worked on myself, know what I want and don't want in a relationship, and tried to contact my near decade of regret. She didn't answer, thankfully, (I was pretty drunk) but that caused me to panic. Over the months I went from trying to reach out, admittedly, WAY too much to about every other week to now I haven't tried in over a month. I told her earlier on that if she didn't want to talk to me to just let me know so I'm not wasting either of our time. Still nothing. I get distracted by a crush here or there but it always fizzles out on one end or both and then I'm back at square one.