Have you considered -and do you care- the difference between being kind vs being patronizing, when rejecting a person?

I often see people duck out of being honest because they want to be 'nice' but all they are doing is prolonging confusion and wasting time-i think bc its easier for them to not face up and not bc its helpful for the other person to be left in confusion.

A friend of mine was asked out by this girl. he never said no he gave a plausible excuses- i she took it at face value as a bad time not disinterest. A few weeks later, she asks again-again he does the same thing. A month later she asks again -i m pretty sure at this point just to make sure. She does not seem unintelligent so i think she sees what he's doing. So once again he lies. He said he had to go late for class. She was surprisingly calm friendly about it. And told him gently _she thinks he is not interested and worried if he says no that makes him a jerk. But it does not. it makes him a person who appreciates her effort and respects her enough to be honest_

I thought that was awesome--and i AGREE. She was very graceful about it but he really irritated me.
I asked him WHY he wasted all that time. He said he thought she'd get the idea quietly and no one would have to be hurt. I said yeah she could have gotten the idea months ago if he had said NO in the first place, and she'd just save herself time. I dont understand how its supposed to be less of a disappointment by not taking the person seriously. They dont get you either way, but at least they have your dignity.

Anyhow i think he is starting to like her now. I dont blame him im not bi , but even i like her.. He just asked me 'hypothetically' if i think a person would reject him if he asked her out after all that. not 'her' just a person. yeah right. lol Good luck him -- After that i doubt shed give it a go.
  • I've thought about it and i know its for me not them.
    Vote A
  • I dont care.
    Vote B
  • Im always direct and respectful in rejection.
    Vote C
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Most Helpful Guy

  • i always analyse and try to find a way which is best for both of us.
    also, i dnt play manipulative in order to be nice

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I try to be nice but men don't understand nice. They think nice means 'try harder, stupid' when it means I'm nicely telling you I'm not interested. I think men for the most part are nice about immediate rejection but not after they use you and then ditch you.

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What Guys Said 3

  • I've never rejected but if I had to, I would be direct and nice. A simple "I am not interested" will get the point across

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  • There's no reason to be mean about it unless they get an attitude or seem to not understand you're rejecting them

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  • I'll rather ignore than reject people.

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What Girls Said 3

  • I think it's important to be respectful when rejecting someone, try to avoid being patronizing.

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  • I'm always kind when I reject people though sometimes the people I reject can be very rude in response, but I still stay mature.

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  • I don't care.

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