Have you ever tested someone's values while dating or had this happen to you?


I've heard some people will do things like the following:

- suggest an overnight or late night visit to see if a person who claims to be opposed to premarital sex will back away from the ttemptation

- talk about exercise a lot to test a date's dedication to fitness

- suggest an expensive outing just to see if they are willing to spend money (but not make them go through with it)
Updates:
Just to clarify, this is for people who are not in a relationship yet. You literally JUST met someone online and have no idea if they are who they say they are. So before you invest your time and money dating them, you might give them a few little tests to see if they put their money where their mouth is.

I'm not advocating this and I don't do it, I just heard about it and thought it was odd

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Relationships are all about trust and respect. Subjecting someone to a test sounds like both trust and respect are lacking.

    Any person, if tested under the right circumstances, can fail. A girl who feels the need to test me has herself failed the test.

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    • I this is just when you first start seeing someone you don't know at all

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    • But, given the right circumstances, you would be subject to testing too? Yet you’ve stated she’s already failed, so what’s the point of your test if you are untouchable? Just a filtration method, a method of control, or double standards?

    • @Hidden_P No, not untouchable, not beyond being questioned or doubted, and I do not consciously ever operate with a double standard,

      If the only way that you trust someone is by testing them, then you really don't trust them. You merely made sure that they passed the test. When the next set of circumstances arises that make you have doubts, will you do another test. Real trust is built on a blind faith and it requires that you take a chance. Some people are capable of this and some are not.

      For four years, I was married to a woman who had jealousy of almost paranoid proportions. She constantly suggested that I was flirting with other women and hinted that maybe I was being unfaithful. I never flirted with anyone and I was never unfaithful. I always talked about my wife to anyone who would listen. If she had tested me and I passed her test, it would not have mollified her unfounded fears.

      Testing your partner is simply an admission that you do not trust them.

Most Helpful Girl

  • I don't test people personally no, but i have had people say to me they were testing me, but i prefer to just have things go naturally, i hate games.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 21

  • No I have not, and honestly that's fucked up. if I ever found a woman doing this to me it would be an immediate end to the relationship. I've already done this a few times and I have no trouble keeping it up. Id rather die alone than not be able to trust whether or not the intentions of my significant other are just a test or real.

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    • Okay but let's just turn it around. What if someone isn't sure if you're serious about what you say and they're trying to figure it out so they know whether you're being real?

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    • I don't know how they validate that profiles so I have no idea, you but check out number 5 on that page, exactly what I'm talking about, do research first

  • Aren't you tempting your date to do these things?

    When you date someone and you like them or love them. They become a influence on you. Your suggestions are bad temptations and could change them to become what you suggest.

    You can't encourage someone to do a crime and then punish them for it.

    There is a reason why police and government are not allowed to induce others to do crimes they otherwise wouldn't and arrest them for it. It's called entrapment and it's against the law.

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  • These are mind games, and don't have patience for immature stuff like that. Sure, some people pretend to be something they're not to impress a date, but I'd rather focus on actually getting to know someone and talking about shared interests and experiences.

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  • If someone is trying to test you, it's a good sign because it means they like you. And if you pass their test your value in their eyes will rise bigtime.

    As petty as it may seem, it's someone's way of screening you for the type of person they want so you dont waste each others time when you later figure out you're not compatible.

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  • When I’ve saw this post, I thought to myself “hot the hell someone even do that?”
    I guess my imagination in this department is small. Or…I am different.
    I am honest, I don’t play games. I am man of my word. I do as I say.
    So, with that said, this seems scummy to me. Why would anyone do that?

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  • You don't have to test people. They reveal themselves quickly as you get to know them.

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    • ^^^^ this

      If you have even the most rudimentary ability to read people, there’s no need for any of this tomfoolery.

  • Ya of course lol... it works like a charm
    Cause people bullshit like there is no tomorrow... actions always speak louder than words

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  • Some of these sound like very bad ideas that are just going to make people lose interest in you.

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  • In the past, yes (friends, not a romantic relationship). Not anymore. I've learned to what @OldAndWiser had illustrated

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  • Testing someone you like or love comes from fear and fear is a killer of trust, so no, it's harmful for anyone who wants a relationship.

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  • people who do that sound like they got trust issues...

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  • I've thought bout doing that but, came to the conclusion I'm already not trusting.

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  • It seems being deceitful would be a bad way to start a relationship.

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  • Blunt honestly or gtfo. I don't tolerate tests or games.

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  • Nope. I can make my conclusion after a while in a relationship.

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  • Sometimes I try and bang them on the first night. Just to see how easy they are. You can't trust someone who does that.

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  • Yes I want to get to know the real person and see if they're someone I want to continue dating

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  • Yes. I try to get her to have sex with me and if she does before the 4th date then I ghost her.

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  • so playing games? fuck that

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  • i don't play games

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What Girls Said 11

  • Most of the time when my computer or laptop dies , i fix it myself.

    Whether it's a problem I'm already familiar with or I have to search on forums for help, I fix them myself.

    My then boyfriend could not believe that and then ask me how would I fix a computer. Bro that depends on the problem obviously but damn. He said something like I just think it's hard to believe a girl can do that , it's more a guy thing.

    I ignored him for a few hours , I felt so angry and disrespected 😅

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    • Anyone can read forums/look up an answer for the rare individual problem that arises. He probably got the impression you knew how to fix most things on a pc without looking up an answer. AKA you had studied it quite a bit or had a job in IT suport.

    • @TheUsername27 no, he doesn't. He already knew what I studied and what type of job I have. And I do know few things without looking up answers, because you learn from experience which is the same as studying it.

  • I have never done that but it had happened to me a few times

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  • Uhhh I don't think I've done any of those 3.

    I've just tested the guy to see if he rlly like me.

    I think once you start testing.. thats when you start loosing trust.

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  • No I’ve never done this. I’ve also got my wits about me to avoid these games.

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  • No, that’s childish. You can find out these things about someone without being manipulative.

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  • lol

    those people are mental

    come on

    that is basically being backhanded

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  • No, i don't test people and i don't want to be tested

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  • that's messed up.
    playing head games & you wonder why they are misogynistic towards us

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  • the problem is they might know and pretend

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  • No I’ve never don’t those things.

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  • Yes I have

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