Is it really the weight or is it the person?

I wish I could put up a photo to show what I mean but I guess I don't have enough Xper points yet.

Suppose there's a woman who weighs 170 lbs and she loses 50 lbs and becomes 120 lbs.

She's the same person. She has the same ideas, the same attitude, the same thoughts and feelings. She might be fun or a little boring. She might be smart or a little silly. She may be caring or selfish at times. But nothing has changed except that she lost 50 lbs.

Is it guaranteed that she's going to get approached more by strangers (either in person or online) just because she's thinner?

Assume someone who's an average nice person, but not particularly outstanding in any other way. Her online dating profile has the same text before and after.
  • Yes, she will get approached more but not necessarily get dates
    Vote A
  • Yes guys will ask her out on dates right away because she's more attractive
    Vote B
  • No, a guy still judges primarily on personality
    Vote C
Select age and gender to cast your vote:
I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

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119

Most Helpful Guy

  • Considering I like to keep fit, I'm certainly going to be interested in a woman who also takes care of their body by exercising to keep fit. Which in turn means I am more interested in women who are physically slim or fit. It's cool if they are more fit than me, so long as they don't try using me as their weights to bench press or a kick boxing cushion, lol. (sigh... that probably doesn't sound as funny as I'm thinking it does)

    Regardless it's all personal preference, mine is to find a girlfriend who is fit and likes going for jogs and canoe trips and similar.

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    • Yeah, I hear you. For me it's not that I don't want to, but I work full time and have a long commute, and I have a house and a son, so I just don't have the time or energy to work out a lot. I took my son canoeing a few years ago hoping he would like it. He hated every second.

      So its not entirely my choice. I would love to do more outdoor stuff. would love to be a great shape like I was when I was younger. Its so frustrating.

      its also true that I'm really lonely and sometimes the only joy I have in an entire day - with a thankless job and a thankless teenager at home - is food. I hate to say it but its true.

      sometimes the only thing that makes my life worth living is a donut or burger and fries.

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    • Totally. At the moment I have braces so salad is really tough to eat. I never thought that I would miss salad but I really do.

      My mouth hurts all the time, so I tend to gravitate towards warm, soft comfort foods. I am really REALLY hoping I'll get them off in January and can go back to eating things like granola bars and popcorn and salads.

    • And yes, I've been looking for a new job for 3 years but they would all be worse than what I have now or require me to move and I don't want to take my son out of his school

Most Helpful Girl

  • Sadly, once you lose weight and become thinner people start to treat you differently. They start to treat you better and get interested just because you lost some pounds even if your heart and mind has stayed the same.
    It is the judgement of our world, one where outward appearances can immediately change someones attitude about you.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 18

  • She will get approached more. A higher proportion of men interested in her will be interested in dating, not just hooking up. And she will attract more men who have jobs/aren’t deadbeats/have better social skills etc.

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    • Really? I thought attractive women get more superficial attention (hookups).

    • They get more of both. But a higher relationship interest %. Men actually care - more- about looks in a relationship than a hookup.

  • A person who had lost 50 lbs and became 120 lbs is not the same person who weight 170 lbs... she self esteem is different and her personality is not the same.
    Anyway do you prefer meet a ugly guy or an attractive one? Same is for guys... everyone prefer attractive person

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    • P. S. sorry for my English 😂

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    • I guess what I'm saying is that not every woman who is heavier has low self-esteem. Heaven's my divorce lawyer weighed 500 pounds and it turned out later that she was not only on her second husband, but cheating on him with another guy!

      I knew the husband and ask him if she was that heavy when they married and he said yes. I said, "Why were you attracted to her?" He said she had such an incredible personality he just wanted to be with her.

      I also said, "You realize you're being divorced by divorce lawyer."
      He said yes.
      I said, "You know you're screwed."
      He said, "Yes I know."
      Poor guy.

    • Heavy weight doesn't mean ugly... but the same girl could be more attractive if she was skinny... by the way there is more than body shape in a relationship

  • She *might* get approached more.
    It's pure psychology. Men seek women with a healthy physical appearance because this supports better ability to bear a healthy child.

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  • Looks are important but it's about her as a person. Her personality can play a huge part in attraction. I've been very attracted to heavier girls before, not because of weight, but them, beautiful face and great personality. Looks are important, but it doesn't mean you have to be a model, just means that I have to find you attractive.

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  • I'll be honest without being hurtful. I have said since I have been on here that intellect is of the most importance. That said, as there are people who like "plump" women I would just congratulate the person on her weight loss. I would be much more likely to approach her & ask her out. That's only based her physical appearance. If her intelligence level is that of a sixth grader, I wouldn't ask her out no matter what.

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  • At first, it's more about the attractiveness of the gal. Then as you know her, hopefully she's shored up the psychological effects the weight had on her self esteem.

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    • I find it interesting that so many men assume that a woman who is heavier has less self-esteem.

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    • I guess I'm not vengeful so it won't occur to me

    • That's good. Some are though.

  • I believe she will get more approaches when she is more fit. and that doesn't neccesarly mean people are shallow !
    Its mean that good appealing is always a boost for the woman to be approached and man to initiate the first move.
    After that comes the personality and get to know the other person more.

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  • Oh man... I can just see the saggy skin hanging and stretch marks everywhere and that's gross.

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  • Your body will catch my eye but it is your smile and attitude which will attract me. If losing weight makes you feel better than your smile will work even better.

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  • Listen. If you're 170lbs and lose 50lbs. You are not the same person. Your entire mentality and health changes with losing that much weight. Your personality changes as your weight changes.

    This is a stupid question. Her online profile has nothing to do with anything because it only matter what people think of her when they meet her.

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    • It does matter because guys won't even ask her for date if they don't like her profile.

      Do you really think someone's whole personality changes with her physical appearance. Interesting. I suspect doing people treat her changes but the person inside is the same. she's still going to like sushi or not, she's going to have the same education, family, sense of humor, etc.

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    • Her likes and dislikes might stay the same but these parts of a person's personality aren't usually relevant to them finding a partner. If her text hasn't changed but her pictures have, I think her chances are still higher.

    • That's what I was getting at. Thanks.

  • She's more attractive. Why wouldn't she be approached more?

    Extrapolate the idea to someone who is 270 pounds. They still have the same personality. They're still the same person. The only difference between that analogy and yours is that 170 is a lot more attractive than 270. Would you date a 300 pound man?

    The person is still the person, but that makes them a friend, not a lover. I'm attracted to all my friends' personalities which is why we get along, but that doesn't mean I want to date them. I would need to find the person attractive.

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  • First off I get your Q but always keep in mind that looks are about proportions not weight. It’s just easier for people to spout random weight numbers.

    You might think a weight number is bad but guys are only thinking about looks. So one woman could look great at say 160 and another looks nasty af.

    I have seen women who were a ‘overweight’ (not circus freak sized tho) and I found them totally attractive but why they are not in shape matters to me too. Being lazy or not caring are not options. Such people will only get worse.

    Being borderline anorexic is at the other end of the spectrum & just as bad.

    Anyhow let’s say it’s bad proportions vs. good proportions. Good proportions wins 100% of the time.

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  • I personally don't look at weight I look at personality who you are and how you treat others... but I think everyone is differant I could hit vote on every single option because they're all possible

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  • Losing 50 pounds doesn't "just happen". Being slender will make her more attractive to some, less attractive to others.
    However, losing that kind of weight absolutely does change a person. You're going to feel better, and have more energy to go and do more fun things. You're probably going to feel better about how you look, and that boosts confidence which is widely & deeply attractive to both men & women. It might make you feel like you can wear more revealing or form fitting outfits, which will naturally garner more attention. The eating habits and exercise choices you make to lose the weight and keep it off make you more interesting. You will likely find yourself discussing your secrets to success with men and women, which will lead to discovering mutual values, priorities, activities and interests.
    No one is "the same old person" after shedding 50 lbs. That's a positive and meaningful life experience! Embrace it!

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  • The mind affects the body tbe body affects the mind. Tjr skinnier version isn't guaranteed more attention but it is more likely

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  • I can speak for every human being on this one. We all have different tastes in physical appearance. I can't speak for everyone on this one but I find the personality seals the deal, I've just never been attracted to a stranger by what their personality looks like, I have how ever liked a person through talking with no attraction at first. By loosing the weight you'll find that you may get approached more but that's because you have fallen in to what society considers attractive and large % of men tend to like what's glamorous according to the media (women too), you will meet men who will like you for the whole package. Never feel as though you have adhear to some unwritten rules and always only change your self physically for your health and emotional well fare. Confidence doesn't come from what you look like it comes from how you feel.

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  • Some people like fat, they are called chubby chasers.
    That being said most people don't find fat attractive.
    So yes, losing weight helps with your over all physical attractiveness.
    Also, most people who make it apparent to lose weight are not content with themselves being overweight.
    Once they shed the undesired bulk they usually become more confident, more happy and have a generally higher self esteem. That shows like a rainbow in the dark. Positive vibes are magnetic.
    People notice, even if you don't.

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  • Yes garanteed she will get more attention

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