How would you react?

I'm an introvert (not shy, but an introvert). My friend is an extrovert. I told him I like him some time ago (which is very hard to do for anyone, let alone an introvert), and he said he didn't like me back. That's cool, I'm fine with being just friends. I usually go out of my way to at least greet my friend if I'm in his area first, but I mostly keep to myself. I have a restricted affect, so I'm not very expressive externally and I've told him that. Sometimes I want the conversation to go further, but he either walks off and talks to someone else for a much longer time or just cuts the conversation short with me, period. Even when I text him I have to dig deeper to get an actual conversation out of him, but when he speaks to other people, he talks to them about anything and for extended periods of time. I even asked him if there was something about me that made it hard for him to talk so freely. He expressed that we "talk all the time"... I don't consider asking me how I'm doing and then quickly walking away after a conversation that barely lasts a minute, or giving one word responses when I'm trying to have a conversation to be noteworthy.

The last straw was this week. I got back from vacation and he seemed excited to be around me the first day. Then the rest of the week he basically brushed me off, was cordial to others, spoke to them for extended periods of time, etc. I responded negatively when he spoke to me incredibly late one day because he literally saw me earlier in the day and said nothing (which is uncharacteristic of him, especially if he greeted someone in the exact same area as me) while carrying on with other people. People I speak to considerably less than I speak to him have been speaking to me and initiating conversations with me, but it's almost as if I was "out of sight, out of mind" because of my vacation. So basically I'm tired and now I don't bother speaking. Would you react the same as me?


Most Helpful Guy

  • No. It reads as though you're experiencing something like long term, live-in couples go through. When you see someone and talk to them frequently, conversations are bound to be concise and brief. You've probably already had many of the long, deep conversations as friends, so unless something extraordinary happens to one or both of you (like a vacation) most conversations will be humdrum. Furthermore, you've already expressed a romantic interest that he couldn't reciprocate. There's a pretty good chance he's deliberately being distant to avoid leading you on because he actually does care about your feelings. That said, you need to arrange some alone time to discuss in detail how you're feeling, see how he feels, and find out of you can come to terms. As an introvert you aren't universally available to him either, and maybe he's detected that and isn't willing to invest more in you than you do in him. You're never gonna know for sure without that conversation.
    Lastly, as an introvert I know how hard it can be. I don't always want to hang out or even chat when family or friends reach out. Then I might be feeling like getting out around people and all my people are busy. That hurts; it's the worst kind of lonely I know and I've known most kinds. But it's not their fault. It's not anyone's fault, but if anyone is to be held responsible, it's me because I'm a self-aware introvert.

    Good luck!

    • We really haven't had that many long, deep conversations. Definitely not as many as others. I appreciate your outlook on the situation.

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    • @_StarBoy_ You are completely misguided about the situation, and I would prefer that you keep your opinion ON your opinion. There is only so much information I can actually divulge in a question. It is much more complicated than you think.

    • đź‘Ťwhatever

Most Helpful Girl

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What Guys Said 3

  • He isn't into you as much as you are to him. And it seems as if you've become obsessed with him. Give him space. Let him come to you. You're gonna hurt yourself if you continue this way and jealousy is a very painful emotion. Keep yourself busy to distract yourself from him.

    • Did you read where I said I mostly keep to myself? I'm literally busy most of the time but make an effort to talk to him and answer him when he speaks to me because he's my friend. If he can do the same for other friends, there is no reason he can't do the same for me. His behavior is inconsistent. Mine isn't. I don't need a friend like that, whether I had feelings for him before or not.

  • Yes. If I want to talk and engage someone in conversation and they don't act as if they want to speak to me, I'll just leave it, find someone else to talk to and move on.

  • Being an introvert yes. I've met people like that. They don't really understand love and all that...


What Girls Said 1

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