Should I ditch him or guide him?

The guy I'm dating has some self esteem issues. He's been cheated on 3 times straight and been bullied when he was younger. He looks good, is intelligent and and funny. But. He thinks so little of himself. He doesn't appreciate himself and thinks that people sees him the way he sees himself (annoying, weird, etc, you name it) Now. Should I help him with his struggles (I know how to deal with this since I went through it too. Friends of mine also become a better person thanks to my "advice" I give out) or should I move on and find someone who already has confidence. It can be pretty tiring dealing with a super emotional guy who overthinks and expects the worst.
  • Help him
    Vote A
  • Ditch him
    Vote B
Select age and gender to cast your vote:
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230

Most Helpful Guy

  • It sounds like he does have some good qualities and you have a interesting perspective on what he's facing, so I think you should help him, but I think you should tell him that he also needs to get therapy so that the entire task doesn't fall on you, which is frustrating. Also make sure that you don't feel unappreciated in the relationship (this could be a big problem, and is hard to deal with for a long period of time). You should also re-evaluate perdiodically as to whether you want to continue.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Help him.

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What Guys Said 29

  • Tough call. I've known guys like this -- shy guys but smart and as nice as they come. How is his non-dating life going? You don't want to get involved in a complete rescue project. If he just lacks confidence with women, then you can probably get him over that.

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  • Helping him could change his, perhaps your lives into a licensed career lifestyle insulated from life's slings & arrows forevermore
    BUT
    guard with an eye peeled for guys that use this a BAIT
    and use you up, then cast you away
    finally becoming the bully with lots to payback

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  • You can't say you truly love him if you're having doubts right now. If you really did love him, you wouldn't think about the struggle too much. Try and help him if you can't, but if you feel like you're not up to the task, you have the choice to back out. Remember that if it gets too stressful, and good luck.

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  • If there's a chance you're going to develop resentments and dump him anyway, just do it now. If you're not ready to commit to this guy until he becomes the man of your dreams, get out now for both of your sakes.

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  • I would at least try for now if you see there is something worthy there. If a few months go by and he won't try or simply no improvement, then you walk.

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  • Maybe try to help him but if you don't see any progress then maybe he needs to work on his own self image. I just got out of a 10 month relationship because of the same reason. I couldn't handle it anymore. I'm not saying you have to wait that long or that that's the longest your should wait. I'm just saying, it's up to you too make this decision in the end.

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  • But let him know there are limits. He needs to work on his issue, not just you. It's primarily his responsibility to work on himself.

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  • Like I say to everyone in this "Should I leave them" situation, evaluate how you feel about the relationship, if you are happy, and if they mean enough to you.

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  • You said you had issues like his at one point and so the question is, if you had a guy in your life then would you have wanted them to stay around for you. He needs someone to be there for him like you probably did so if you really like him then show it and help him. You would only leave him because of his issues and if you do that then maybe you are not fully into him. If you are fully into him you will know that you should stay with him in your heart. There may be more to the situation but based on what you have given me this is what I believe.

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  • I voted to ditch him, with a heavy heart. I think you should advise him, outside the relationship. It's clear you're not happy and most women would find a boy like this appalling.

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  • Please help him. it is the exact way I felt once and I know what kind of pain one has to go through. ur a women Nd it's ur job to treat such men with ur love before he end up doing something bad.

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  • It's amazing the potential that is bottled up in someone with this kind of emotional handicap. Give him some help, be a good person.

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  • NEVER expect to change a man. Help him if you think you can, but don't take a romantic interest, or have expectations.

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  • That's a lot of shit to go through so him being the way he is is not unreasonable. Personally I would think the choice is obvious, if he is attractive smart and funny then you have a lot of good potential and all he needs is some one who isn't going to abandon him and stab him in the back. Yes it can be extra work, but relationships take work. Maybe its because men have to deal with this all the time with women (who seem to always be self conscious and always insecure) that this seems like a no brainer but yeah, I think it would be worth the effort.

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  • If you ditch him you're no better then the ones who bully/ cheat on him. He will think that his initial thought of it being all lies is true.

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  • Help him. I may ve got the same problems like him, so i know it s hard for people who know me sometimes but. Emotional people are great lovers

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  • Seems you already know the answer to the question you ask. It's just who you are.

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  • He's been through a lot of shit and you are considering leaving him? I recommend helping him because he is just going to be worse off if you leave him

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  • Since you already said about maybe ditching him
    it looks bad on you already. Of course you don't ditch somebody you guide them

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  • Then u will be 4th number who chests him n he totally hates girls next if u truly in relationship do some good to him don't spoil him

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What Girls Said 1

  • Help him.

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