If guys find me attractive then why don't they want to date me?

I'm told frequently by men that I'm really attractive but for some reason they never want to date me. Even if I ask them out, I get put on hold a lot or just told flat out no. I haven't gone on a date in about 5 years and I'm 27.

I don't get it. I'm not an idiot. I have a degree and have been teaching for about 4 years plus I like talking about anything from music to politics. I make my own money so it's not like I need theirs. I don't need expensive stuff to be happy. I purposely chose to buy a 2010 Corolla in 2013 instead of something nicer simply because I know the Corolla will last longer, was cheaper, and would make a good runaround vehicle in the future. I live on my own. I don't have any kids. I have my retirement accounts set up and the only debt I have is my car loan and student loans. I'm not a make up person. I think the last time I wore make up in public was my sister's wedding that was over a year ago. I have it, but I don't feel like I need it to look good. Guys tell me I'm funny... unless they're just lying, but even my students, friends, and bosses think I'm funny so I'm not sure.

But guys don't want to date me. Sometimes we can talk for hours and other guys sometimes don't seem like they're paying attention after 5 minutes of conversation. They tell me I'm pretty and physically attractive but they like my friends instead. So what else is it? What am I doing wrong?

I don't go to bars because I don't drink like that so don't mention that as a possibility.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I hate to be the one to ask, but what do you actually look like? You shouldn't base your conclusions on what people say but what people DO. No date in 5 years for a 20 something is out of the ordinary.

    Then you could also simply be a biatch, but even then some guys will still have you for a little while.

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    • I'll send you an email pic of what I look like. As a teacher, I can't have my photo on this site.

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    • It’s alright if you don’t want to post it here, i understand teachers need to be careful, i was just curious. I don’t want to give my email out either.

      It’s just hard to determine why, I guess when you talk, are exceptionally.. comprehensive? As in do you go into things in far too much detail?

    • I don’t think so, no. I try not to talk a lot and I’d rather they do some talking, too. I spend all day talking in my job. I’d like to hear about someone else.

Most Helpful Girl

  • Eurgh same. Though I've no idea why it's happening to either of us.

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    • I love how the guys are asking what I look like and telling me the guys are probably lying about me attractive. Gives me an insight into the mind of man. Sad.

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    • @Blonde401 Even armed with a This is England Boxset, a selection of edible Haribo engagement rings, Chips, (yes chips not new potato's!) and multiple toblerones, I'd still feel I was punching above my weight with an Oldham legend... it's the classic fake northerner self depricating action lol and @Allie_Oops even though I'm a man I have zero understanding of what happens in my mind let alone can give insight into what happens with other guys, If it confuses me then I'm pretty sure applying logic is not going to work! lol

    • @AndrewMG never punching above your weight!

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What Guys Said 28

  • Well, are you actively seeking a long term relationship and make it known to these guys? For some, they may only want something with no strings attached and hence they will avoid a woman who will get clingy. It is not the woman's fault but she shouldn't waste her time on these guys when they have no interest in what she wants!

    Reading about what you have going for yourself, it seems like you have everything well planed, you are organized, you are very intelligent, and you are independent. This might scare some guys off, although I couldn't figure out why.

    You don't wear make-up? Well, for some guys this might mean you are taken since you are not trying to make yourself attractive to draw in men. It is nothing to bash you, it is just to let you know what goes through a guy's mind when he has a choice of a girl who looks like she wants to be approached and is single versus someone who is toning down their beauty because they are taken or married and don't want men to approach them.

    You don't go to bars to drink? It's okay, although this does kill some chances to meet guys, even though being drunk and meeting guys isn't the best way to find a long term partner. It's great for no strings attached meetings, but I am not sure you want that, I know I never did.

    Honestly, you just need to meet the right kind of guy who doesn't drink and doesn't mind a woman who doesn't wear make-up and who is intelligent, like you are. Have you ever tried going to a club just to dance but not drink anything alcoholic with friends? The last time I went downtown was New Years 2014, and I didn't have a single alcoholic drink, alcohol depresses me something horrible.

    You could try new places to meet men like doing basic workouts at a men and women's gym or learning to dance, I have a desire to one day learn Salsa dancing. You just have to bump into the right guy but you won't do that by meeting the same guys you are complaining about in this post. I hope this helps you.

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  • Allie- oops wow you sound like every guy's almost perfect dream, and that could be as far as on paper. But I think the problem is this but I think the problem is this just to reading the descriptive this and the straightforward this in your question and you deductions for your own sort of diagnosis with a issue you can be a little critical on certain issues and for some men that are not good with dealing with people and Authority especially females this can create a power struggle with in themselves and return makes you look too bossy or little opinionated and it will throw that person off key. And I'm not trying to make an opinion I really don't know you as a person but you sound like you have a lot of the positive aspects that most men are looking for in a issue of security but I mean I'm going to break it down like this all men like a lady in the streets, but you got to be a little bit of that freak in the sheets too. And that could be an issue as well because if there's truly not a sense of confidence being drawn from you that too will send the wrong signal and throw a character off

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  • Hmm... can't answer this one based on your statements. Would have to chat more to get a feel for your personality.

    Offhand though, you just listed 8 or so accomplishments you've done in your post. Do you start conversations like that? That's more you talking about yourself then sharing a convo.

    Anywho, like I said, can't say for sure without more info.

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    • No. Truthfully, I hate talking about myself. I do it a lot with my students because they ask a lot of questions so when I’m with others my own age, I like hearing about what they do.

  • I have no idea, you sound great person, and can't comment to attractive part cause haven't seen you.

    Maybe the guys who has crushes on you or who wants to date you are too shy to come talk with you, and guys you talk to are liking you more as friend.

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  • It may be the guys feel intimidated and think you are way out of their league, or they think you are high maintenance, or you have a horrible personality, or you give them the impression that you aren't interested in them. It's really hard to say because it's hard to believe an attractive woman goes five years without dating.

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  • You're one of those hot teachers with pretty mugshots? You seem like a stable girl.

    Maybe there's something in your history?

    You seem to know what a person looks for. I mean you explained that you dont need expensive stuff. Unless you wear expensive jewelry

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  • It might be your personality. You say guys lose interest after you start talking. Are you 100% sure you're attractive as you think you are because it could be just people being nice as well.

    I dont know if you really are attractive and smart and can take care of yourself then it seems like you have the best of everything and that's great.

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  • Well, the two possibilities that come to mind are that you don't have an attractive personality or your politics are bit too extreme or incompatible for them.

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  • I have no idea as to the answer to this. Either you've met terrible men or you have terrible luck :( sorry I can't give any advice because everything you've said sounds great :P

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  • They don't want to date you? How do you know that? Did you ask them and they refused?

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    • ' Even if I ask them out, I get put on hold a lot or just told flat out no.'

      It's literally the second sentence in the explanation.

    • Apologies, I skimmed over what you wrote. But clearly there's something that you're not mentioning or they're flat out just saying nice things about you in order to be nice. Actions speak louder than words and if they're not prepared to go out with you, that says it.

      Just keep putting yourself out there, be the best person that you can be and see what happens.

  • I don't know honestly maybe your being lied too and not that attractive or your just plain boring as fuck either way I don’t see how you can’t hold a man

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  • Ok I need to know what you look like, becuase after what I just read, you seem like someone who I would date lol.

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  • If you're like super attractive I would imagine guys may be intimidated by you / scared to ask because they persevere you as out of their league.

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  • There could be a plethora of reasons why this is. I don't think this is a question a stranger can answer, at least not without a lot more information

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  • Do you flirt with them? Or make it known you like them before it hits that grey area of friendzone?

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  • you might not be that interesting or you might not have that great a personality especially if they only pay attention for five minutes

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  • Maybe they want to play cat and mouse and not want a serious relationship?

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  • You are doing nothing wrong, they want style over substance and you have both style and substance, and they probably think that they can't handle both

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  • I would tell you and be honest with you, but I dont know you. Obviously there is a reason

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  • This is one of the most interesting post I have seen. You sound like a pretty good catch so to speak, but anyone can look good on paper. Actually looking good on the other hand is different. I do agree its possible some men are intimidated by you? It's also possible there is something about you that doesn't show in this post but does in person. Maybe you dress strangely? Maybe you have dreadlocks? I'm not talking crap on those things, simply saying there are out of the norm possibilities. 5 years is a really long time. I can say I always assume a woman is being nice to me not flirting, but you said you ask them out point blank and they say no.

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  • There could be a couple of problems, but I suspect that your issue has to do with how you clearly don't really care all that much about advancing your lot in life. You're basically happy with how things are, and that's boring. You need to surround yourself with other young professionals who are happy with their lot in life too.

    What you described sounds like a woman who has her crap figured out in life. I don't feel like I'm going to grow with you as a couple if I hold you in my arms every night for the rest of my life. I feel like I'm going to outgrow you, and that's a really crappy feeling.

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    • You made a giant assumption. I never said I was content with where I was. But I’m pointing out I’m not a mess. I actually have a 5 year plan in place to make significant life changes.

    • If I have that impression, other guys might as well

  • "I don't get it. I'm not an idiot. I have a degree and have been teaching for about 4 years plus I like talking about anything from music to politics. I make my own money so it's not like I need theirs. I don't need expensive stuff to be happy. I purposely chose to buy a 2010 Corolla in 2013 instead of something nicer simply because I know the Corolla will last longer, was cheaper, and would make a good runaround vehicle in the future. I live on my own." Yeah... men do not care about that stuff, that is stuff women care about in a man.

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    • If a man doesn’t care that a woman is stable then he’s an idiot and not the one for me.

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    • I just think you want to be argumentative lol

    • Most succesful buisness I know are married to housewives that have no degree. Granted they are in there 40s and 50s (you don't get many succesful business men younger). I live in a very rich suburb.

  • If apples are tasty, why don't they grow into my mouth. Because you fucking have to get up yourself.

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    • What're you talking about? This comment doesn't make a lick of sense.

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    • The apple thing? Girls shouldn't sit and wait for guys to approach them if they really want to be in a relationship. And people shouldn't wait for fruits to fall from the trees into their mouths if they are hungry.

    • Except I never indicated that I wait on guys to approach me lol

  • Because they need something extra from you. Like sex..

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  • What are some flaws of yours?

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  • Do u like to date with foot fetish guy?

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  • They were lying about finding you attractive

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  • How many guys?

    U havnt met people of your type

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