My girl (friend) leaving me confused?

We were friends for awhile before pursuing each other romantically. At first it was perfect, we spent a days and nights together, the constant texting; eager to see each other - the typical first hot weeks of any relationship.
One might she admitted to me that her ex raped her one night while she was sleeping - from that point on I noticed some slight changes, then she said she wanted space and time to reflect, which did not last long (one day actually) to which we immediately got back together.

From that point on she’s been even more distant - we only speak when we see each other or if we have to at work. She began to cancel plans as well. And I noticed a change in her affection toward me.
One night I confronted her again over the issue because it had been leaving me confused and unsure as to where we stood.
She told me she feels as if she is not ready for a relationship, or at least to give into “being the person she should be” with me. She said she’d prefer we stay friends for now until she figures things out (go to therapy; EMDR).
Yet - I find her still being affectionate with me? Kissing, the glances, even talking about future plans, etc.
but I still feel this hot and cold from her
If she doesn’t want a relationship, I have no problem obliging to that, or even staying friends.

She says she wants me, she wants to make it work, she told me she has immense feelings for me, that she even loves me - I can understand why she’s been distant... but even so?
I feel as if, if she really wanted this, she would make it work somehow. She would put an effort to make this last instead of letting it slowly die.
Does she really expect me to hold on, let her handle her shit and give her her space? Or is this her way of not being able to handle the situation upright and hoping I’d give up without her having to throw the stone herself?

I’m lost. Any light shed on this is greatly appreciated.


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  • Sounds to me like she actually does really like you but doesn't want to drag you into her problems. If she's actually going to go to therapy then it's probably something from her past that has nothing to do with you that she needs to resolve. I wouldn't take it personally :)


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