Why do girls lead good guys on?

I met a girl earlier this year and instantly fell for her, love a first sight kind of thing. We went out on a bunch of dates, talked all the time, laughed, and connected extremely well. This went on for a few months, and I eventually told her how I felt, and things continued great, taking it slow because I really liked her.

A few months down the road, after talking pretty much everyday, she seemed different. I asked and she said she was only interested in being friends. This was completely out of nowhere and didn't make any sense. To make it worse, she told me she made her mind up a month before and didn't go out of her way to say anything, expecting me to take a hint after 3 months of seeing/talking every day and changing nothing. This was after months of everything going great and even knowing how I felt, and it wasn't until I asked her that she cared to say anything. I confronted her on this, saying its a total lead on and she just snapped, denied anything, crushed me for taking it seriously, made me feel awful for saying the words "lead on," changed the view of the past, and made it all my problem. She didn't bother to even acknowledge my side when I opened up to her, and pulled some "women don't owe guys anything" and a "girl can quit whenever she wants." She pretty much insulted me and everything I did for her, and didn't even care to tell me anything.

The worst part is I really fell for her, and this didn't make any sense at all. And now, its all my fault and she doesn't care at all, and I can't let her go. What did I do wrong?


Most Helpful Girl

  • You put yourself out there too far. You're an adult. Presumably. You chose to invest in an uncertain payoff. Leading you on would be saying she would eventually leave her husband for you. To lead someone on you have to lead them to somewhere they aren't currently. You're mistaken the pain of a bruised ego for her being disrespectful. It would've been bad if she mentioned dating you if a certain change would happen and you made that change or the variable shifted and she didn't honor her offer. Sounds like you both enjoyed your time together, but you were projecting to the future with it and she was still living in the present.

    It'd have been much worse if you told her how you feel and she just went on acting the same and not being honest with her feelings. That'd have been strategically manipulative.

    Again the last line is another example of ego. You act like you have to be the sole cause for her decision when she's had a long life full of thoughts and goals before you. Sometimes the timing isn't right, sometimes the puzzle pieces simply don't fit. Maybe she doesn't think you'd satisfy her sexually,. Maybe she doesn't think you'd make a good father, maybe you remind her of her uncle and that creeps her out. Don't get so harsh to blame her or yourself. Enjoy the good moments in life and don't ruin opportunities by overthinking. The purpose of enjoying someone's company shouldn't be conditional on end goals with whatever objective you setup them to fulfil in your life without their consent. They'll never live up to those expectations and you'll both end up frustrated. 50% of the time it's a penis related thing tho and the girl doesn't want to be a bitch and just say that it won't work for her. I lost someone I cared about because I told him his penis was too big for me and if we were to date he'd have to concede to never having sex and just having other types of intimacy. I guess he was very self conscious about it and then thought I was just when I was just seeing honest that I would never be happy sexually or comfortable physically with him in that way. Honesty doesn't always pan out any better.

    • I agree with you points, but I think there was the confusion. She did go on acting the same, for a month until I asked.

    • It really is more of just not saying anything, rather than just rejection, which is any humans right.

Most Helpful Guy

  • What you did wrong? you took an emotionally driven, self centered, fickle being seriously. The sad thing is, if you blew hot and cold, didn't reply to her texts for days, never told her your feelings, and eyed up other girls while on dates, she'd probably still be interested... or obsessed.

    The problem is, the vast majority of women are narcissistic and say they want nice guys, but in reality, they are only attracted to the complete opposite. The theme of nice guys finishing last is a complete cliche but it will never go away... because in so many cases, it's true.

    Women love attention and emotional connection. She was probably getting that from you, and everything else she needed, elsewhere.

    Here's a good example, even if the girl may be young, it never changes I Think I’m Falling In Love With A Guy That Has A Drug Addiction? ↗

    She says ''I care for him very deeply, although I think I probably annoy him and he doesn’t even like me a little bit. I kind of get the feeling that he hates me...''

    My advice to you, never EVER place women on a pedestal, make sure anything you do for her is earned, make sure respect is earned, compliments are earned, and never take any shit no matter how good she looks.


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What Girls Said 0

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What Guys Said 3

  • You have only yourself to blame.. You choose to stick around.. To be a simp... So it's not her fault that you... gave her.. attention...

  • Sane reason guys lead girls on, for the feel good attention

  • Because they can


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