What does a guy mean when he says it didn’t feel right?

I went on a date with a guy I met online on while back. We had spoke on the phone and decided to meet for a casual drink.
First impressions of him were good, however he was extremely fridety. I thought things were going fine and after about 40 mins asked if he’d like another drink. He didn’t and was out of there like a shot.
He texted me on my way home saying he was sorry but he didn’t feel a connection. Fair enough!

It knocked my confidence abit as I thought it was me or how I looked etc.
I carried on dating and forgot about him.
Id seen him on the site still and hadn’t spoke.
The date was early part of this year.

Out of the blue he sends me a message asking how I was.
He eventually goes on to say he was sorry about the date and that he was so nervous and wanted me to like him that it didn’t feel right.
What the hell does that even mean and why sat this months afterwards.
I did feel like he didn’t give me a chance. Just don’t get why he’d bother again after tossing me aside...

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Most Helpful Guy

  • It sounds like he was sensitive enough to know that what he did may have bothered you and he was feeling guilty about it, so he contacted to "set the record straight."

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    • This sounds very plasable as I thanked him for his honesty and he had not been in touch since, unless he’s playing it cool.

    • The easy break ups are those where you decide the other person is a total jerk of the highest order and you wish they would get run over by a dump truck. The difficult ones are where you break up because you aren't right for each other (or at least one of you thinks that) but you still think that the other is a very nice, decent, good human being. As you get older, and you do a better job at screening people who you date, you will have more of the difficult break ups. But you will also become closer to finding The One and eventually that will happen.

      Good luck.

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What Guys Said 21

  • It is pretty bizarre and he did leave a really bad impression. I'd assume that he has some anxiety issues, and that's not something you usually want to deal with in a partner.

    He probably doesn't have any other options so he's contacting the woman who was willing to go out on a date with him.

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  • You women don't (how could you) understand how unbelievably nerve racking and stressful dating is and that all of the pressure is on us. Some guys can't handle it or not as well. I HATE dating and avoid it purposely for this reason. It's not FUN, like it's supposed to be or like it is for you women. It's nothing but nerve racking and stress!

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    • A lot of women have dating "expectations", and you're all different, so how we're supposed to know what to say or do, and you're all quiet because it's a first date, so we don't know you, so like you, we're analyzing everything and wondering. Worried about saying or doing the "wrong thing" that's going to make it an automatic "deal breaker"

    • I agree it’s nerve racking. However on the date I do recall him saying he’d done online dating before. I get just as nervous and personally think it all boils down to looks nowadays. He’d made me feel like purhaps I hadn’t been as attractive as he’d thought and couldn’t wait to get away. I hoping the fact he contacting me to apologise that maybe it wasn’t the case.

  • I don't know. I'd be confused by this as well. I don't know if I would believe him but you could give him the benefit of the doubt and scan him for how sincere he is. If you could to go out with him again. Dude might just have been really shy or anxious I don't know.

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  • giving him the benefit of a doubt i guess i would say he had/has anxiety

    but why would it take a year for him to come back if he truly liked you but was just nervous? too me it sounds like he wasn't interested or didn't feel the chemistry was there but hasn't had luck dating and now wants to come crawling back

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  • Lots of people don't get a second date. That's not necessarily an indicator that he didn't give you a chance. He's probably not getting much interest from others and second guessing his decision to not pursue you. Did you change your profile at all in the meantime? Maybe something new came to his attention. Who knows? You should probably ask him if you want to know for sure. All the rest of us can do is speculate.

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  • I recommend you make a run for the hills. This stinks to high heaven like you're simply a band-aid. What I mean by that is that when a man gets his heart broken by a woman, he will "fall back" on a woman he dated previously just to get even. Very few band-aid relationships work out, if any.

    If you do decide to give him another shot, I hope I'm wrong on that and he turns out to be a good match for you.

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  • There is two possibilities here. 1 he was new to the online dating scene and didn't feel comfortable. 2 He may have been a player and taught he might get sex only to realise that was not going to happen for awhile. It all depends on the conversation that was had. Why he contacted you again was more the likely he did not get any more dates as quickly as he would of liked. He sounds a bit fishy I would try to find out his agenda. It is strande that he left the date, and then contactd you again.

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  • I think he was fidgety because he was really nervous and he couldn't deal with being there so he had to leave out of nervousness and he messaged you again because he still might have feelings or want to meet up again and since time has passed he might be able to explain what happened if he's got over it

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  • He, at best, sounds socially awkward. I think anyone can ride out one date and not bolt. The messaging you now sounds like you are his backup plan. Both of these= don't bother.

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  • Your descriptions sounds like he may have been overly anxious, and not able to connect.

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  • Forget about him. Don't let the that experience hurt you, who cares if he didn't feel right. There is plenty of men who will be available, if for u keep getting the same response from other guys. Then there is a problem

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  • Hey wasn't attracted to you. Now he has ran out of options and figured out you're better than whatever else he found

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  • Kinda sounds like he is a dick. He probably didn't get much other interest (probably because he's a dick), so he's trying to fall back on you. That being said, there is a lot of subconscious clues that go on when you meet someone and if those clues are saying this person is compatible, then that's that "click" or "connection" you feel with someone. If the clues are telling you this is not the person, then your won't feel a connection and your "gut feeling" will be to not continue. When I refer to something not "feeling right", it is because of that gut feeling that is brought on by those subconscious clues. I maintain that he is an asshole, though. You deserve better than to be some guy's last resort.

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  • He's a douche, and it didn't feel right as he doesn't have the balls to say he didn't want to go further in a relationship

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  • I would say the most likely answer is that he is married.

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  • Many a times, men bring their egos before themselves. Sometimes it's mere blank-headedness at that time.
    Though it's not very clear by what you mean "and wanted me to like him that it didn't feel right", as the statement seems grammatically incorrect, I will summarize what I understand and follow it with my suggestion.

    I understand the above quoted sentence to be that he wants you to like him now and forgive his mistake of walking out on you. And my suggestion is, ask him directly to explain what he means and why he deserve another chance.

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  • he is not sure about feelings for you or he is keeping you as an option...

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  • It was his time of the month, lol

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  • Not interested

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  • Perhaps he was just so nervous that he thought he didn't have a chance, or maybe he got the impression that you weren't really feeling it and assumed that you would probably reject him, so he decided he'd say he wasn't interested to save himself from that. Maybe he has low self-esteem and that was the reason for his nervousness. If he didn't like you he wouldn't have contacted you again.

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