Why do so many guys have problems committing?

Okay before I start and to try and minimise the accusations of sexism, even though, yes I suppose this is slightly sexist, I would just like to state that I know there are plenty of guys who want fulfilling relationships and have no problem committing to one woman. And I know that there are also plenty of females, myself included, who also have commitment issues but in my personal experience you more often than not hear women complaining of men not wanting to commit and men complaining about women who are too smothering.

So apart from that the question pretty much speaks for itself, however I don't just mean having problems committing to a relationship, I mean problems also committing to the opposite: a breakup.

I would be the first to admit that I have commitment and intimacy issues. I enjoy casual dating but I never seem to be able to bring myself to take something further.

However I always insure that when I end things with someone it's ended completed. No take backs. No yo-yoing back and forth. If you're out of my life you're out of my life. It's not fair to keep someone dangling on my hook once I've made the decision to cut the line.

But I find this isn't the case for most commitment phobic males. Not only can they seem not to be able to commit to a relationship but they also seem to not be able to commit to not being in your life. The number of times I've had a boy tell me it's over just to come back a few months after is astonishing. It makes no sense to me and it's just plain cruel. Why are they so indecisive?

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Most Helpful Guy

  • First all women are pathological liars, in my experience... and unfortunately most are manipulative and narcissistic.

    But setting aside the nature of women these days there are no guarantees. All women operate under Briffault's Law. And on top of it considering commitment leads to marriage, you have to be either ignorant or batshit insane considering all the statistics, laws, how family courts operate, etc, to sign the marriage contract or have children.

    I find it an insult how women could give a flying fuck about any of it. It really goes beyond me how women are either clueless about everything or just don't give a single fuck about anything other than finding a provider, and someone who can give them children with the best genes they can get. It's the solipsism that this question exhibits that puts me in shock every single time.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • They come back when they don't have any other options available, they thought they would do just fine but realized catching other fish actually takes some time. So sense the fish aren't biting and they're hungry, they come back to the pond they caught you first hope you're still swimming around to catch again. In other words, they are just waiting for more fish to appear and once they do, they'll throw you back in the pound so fast they won't even bother to remove the hook out your mouth. So you'll be swimming around with that hook in your mouth that'll be a constant reminder of the pain and disappointment that per put you through. Anyways... man I need to go fishing next summer...

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What Guys Said 48

  • I think it's much worse when the other person wants commitment but quits first later.

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  • There´s a tremendous amount of pressure outside of the relationship that idolizes guys who are independent and hookup with multiple women. Nowadays many mobile apps makes it even more difficult to concentrate on just on girl as usually men date multiple women simultaneously and there´s always the thought: "What if there´s someone even better than her?" After having a couple of bad experiences and tough breakups, I found myself being really carefull on committing myself to another girl. Even with my current girlfriend it took me months of dating her + others before my feelings developed and she managed to show that she was different than my exs or any other girl who I would date.

    It doesn´t have to always be about indecisiveness but more about fear of getting hurt. People always say how your first and second relationships will never last and you need to be with many women until you actually know what you want and what you don´t want. So men are gathering experience and seeing various types of women until they can really commit to a decision.

    Once a man makes up his mind and commits to a woman, the way men and women view relationships might be a little different. Men usually are more level without many ups and downs whereas women live more of an emotional roller coaster where being happy for too long can be a scary thing (this is only my opinion that comes from experience). So when we fall in love, we really hold on the that special woman so breaking up is really tough and the feelings associated with it are really stressfull. We just don´t want to admit that we made a mistake or that the girl wasn´t for us so we´d rather fight a losing battle just to avoid those feelings.

    Even now that I´m in a relationship after breaking up from a 4y and 3,5y relationships, I´m scared shitless that my current girlfriend and I would breakup because the feelings are now there, even though it took a long time.

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  • You should ask my ex the same thing when she cheated on me several times before i was gonna propose and called me a bitch for crying over her bc i loved her. Get this the guy was her soulmate who got her pregnant and packed up and left the state oneday when she was at work.

    There are good men out there but some women screw it up bc of an asshole she dated in the past.

    So my question to you is
    Why do women abuse good guys who care about you by fking there ex or other people

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    • Sounds like karma good for her! That's happened to me so much I'm not even emotionally attracted to women any more just sexually

  • It's not sexist, I mean I guess it is a little bit but there is also at least some small element of truth in most stereotypes right?

    The answer is basically biological: testosterone. Humans are higher mammals, like wolves or lions or apes or whatever, and with some exceptions most higher mammals' societies and sexual natures revolve around one male fighting the other males for the right to get with all the females, and the females are chased and chaste. There's no overriding thousands of years of evolutionary biology just because humans drive cars and wear clothes. Ask yourself: Do you personally consider it more attractive and desirable to *be pursued* by a guy, or to be the one doing the pursuing yourself? If you could have your preference? Most girls want to BE chased, not to chase. Ask yourself... why is that?

    Basically, it's hard for us to commit because biologically we're not supposed to. In modern civilized human society, there are some upsides of monogamy, so we are "supposed to." But it's hard. It's really hard, no matter how much we like a girl, to tell ourselves "Yep. That's it. That's her, and I'll never get to have another one and I'm okay with that." It's hard. Some of us genuinely want that, and lots of us don't. Sometimes we weigh it and decide we do want just one, and that's cool, but every once in a while we wonder (as do girls) whether we made the right choice. Shrug. This shit is complicated. Good luck out there.

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  • It’s cause we’re more cautious now my ex ended pregnant by another guy but she claimed it was mined come find out it wasn’t only reason she want back cause her ex tossed her. It reason for that and now I never gonna get married I do relationships but marriage fuck that.

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    • As if a contract where the woman is stated as the beneficiary and the State is invited in the relationship has anything to do with the relationship itself anyways. Fuck marriage

    • Yea the guy gets screwed out in a divorce.

  • just cause you expect someone to commit doesn´t make them wanna do that. it's a free decision to commit and if you just happen not to opt for it, then what's wrong with that? men don't have a "problem" or a "phobia" about it. they just plain old don't want to. that's all there's to it.

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  • The answer is simple,

    You at reviewing just the wrong sample group.
    I dont mean to offend you in any was, but you said that you have commitment issues, (I respect you for acknowledging and accepting the problem) and that you enjoy casual dating, that being said your sample group of individuals is people who don't want to commit or get emotionally involved and just want sex,
    Needless to say they don't commit to the break up for the same reason, they just want the sex.

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  • I have the same question with girls.

    "you more often than not hear women complaining of men not wanting to commit and men complaining about women who are too smothering."

    I think traditionally this idea applies but not in the modern day. Guys don't see sex as difficult to get anymore and women embrace it. Guys don't have a better idea of commitment working out

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  • In my case it was because I got burned and it makes you less eager to rush into something. But a guy could say he doesn’t want commitment while actually being committed to you. He just does not want a label on it yet. How he acts is key.

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  • Cause a lot of guys get hurt sometimes by girls when they commit, so its a natural response to fear of commitment till they are ready, as for the other way its cause they committed to early to you so when you cut the line they they end up trying to get you back. But the way you phrased it was cold. If you want a short term relationship just say it up front so they dont get too emotionally attached

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What Girls Said 7

  • I hear you!!!

    I'm the most emotionally defective person out there. I have huge issues with commitment.

    But I'll always be honest and up front. No games.

    My current guy has commitment issues. We are now getting serious. I've conceded I'll give things a try even though it's against my instincts. He is still insistent that once we are over, he will just delete me and forget me. Won't reply to my messages. Will just ghost me, apparently it's just his way.

    Grow the hell up!

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  • I know a guy who will never get married or get serious to any girl simply because he enjoys be single and enjoys his freedom. He does not want to go throguh all that hassles and problems committed couple have, so he rather avoids all that by not committing and jsut being single and never get married

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  • Because they realize that they won't be able to be free to date as many girls as they want. They're afraid of having children, settling down, having responsibilities.

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    • Well yeah, at 16 they are...

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    • I was talking to Anon-ymous1 not you, ho.

    • @zagor Boy shut the fuck up with your dusty ass... That's why you can't get a women, dick ass always on here. If anyone is a hoe, it's your mother. She was the one who fucked around and had you, prob a bastard anyways. Don't get into a argument you no you can't win. I can jump into whatever I want, whenever I want. Learn how to spell mother fucker, it's "Hoe" not "Ho". I swear to not be like you at 31, I'm gonna have a successful life, not sitting at home on the couch eating Twinkies, fucking with minors on GAG. Oh and I'm blocking you, I like having the last word:) Have a nice life...* Future reference don't get into a argue with me, because I GO HARD?

  • Guys who yo-yo back and forth are manipulative, creepy stalkers. The kind that you have to block from your devices because they don't take "no response" as a hint and keep trying to contact you.

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  • Too many fish in the sea to live in a bowl!

    Haha

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  • There was a study that I read that said over 70 percent of men want a committed relationship, they want someone they can come home to. I think it’s that some girls just aren’t meant for them. There will always be someone who brings out the worse and the best in you. When a guy finds the one that HE BELIEVES is the one they do commit.

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  • I think from personal experience, it's not committing that's the issue. I think guys overall are typically more simple minded and when they know something's not right, they leave before dragging a relationship on. For them, red flags are more like deal breakers.

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