If you are talking to or dating multiple people, do you tell them in the interest of full disclosure?

  • Yes
    Vote A
  • Only if they ask
    Vote B
  • No
    Vote C
  • See results
    Vote D
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Updates:
Assume you just met and don't really know each other well enough to decide if you want to be exclusive (say, less than 3 dates). Definitely before you have sex, which hopefully isn't happening until much further along in the relationship.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • If you're actually dating and sleeping alone? Then yes, because that's considered cheating, but they should have the knowledge up front so they can make an educated decision on how they want to proceed.

    If you're actually dating but talking to other guys? Yes, because he needs to know if there is a potential threat of losing you (regardless what you say, if you're talking to other guys, there's always that threat)

    If you're not dating, as long as you're being safe and using protection with everyone you're sleeping with, then no. It's really no one else's business with so you sleep with.

    If you're not dating and are just talking to other guys and not sleeping with them, no, again, it's no one's business who you're talking to.

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    • Who said anything about sex? Sheesh.

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    • Personally, I don't say I'm "dating" anyone unless we're in some kind of relationship. I know it literally means you just going on dates with them, but I just consider that "hanging out".

      I don't go on dates with someone I'm not hoping will end up in some kind of relationship. I have hung out with girls before, going to movies, or dinner, etc, with no expectation or even desire to be anything other than just friends.

      So, I use the terminology with female friends that I do with my male friends. I don't "date" my male friends, even though we do much of the same things I would do on a date.

    • Ah, okay. Makes sense.

Most Helpful Girl

  • Are we talking about before or after the DTR conversation? Before, when you are just going on dates, you don’t owe anything to anyone.

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    • What's DTR?

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    • The weird thing is that I have never ever in my life had this problem before, where in 24 hours multiple nice guys contacted me online. I've been talking and texting them during the week but only one asked for a date this weekend. So I'll see how it goes. I feel like I'm in the Twilight Zone.

    • Don’t sweat it. Have fun!

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 53

  • I do online dating and I describe myself as a one-woman kind of guy, and that is a true statement. However, that applies only after I get to know a lady and decide that she has good potential to be a long term partner.

    I feel absolutely no compulsion to be monogamous after a first date but I recognize that a woman could mistakenly make that assumption. In fact, I had that happen during the summer and the lady was quite livid when I told he that I had seen someone else and wanted to be monogamous with the other lady. Therefore, I always make this disclosure.

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    • Exactly what I mean. You happen to start communicating with more than one person, have no idea which you'll click with best, and need to spend a little time with each to decide.

  • Until there is a mutual decision to have an exclusive relationship, I have no expectation that she is obligated to tell me or that I would be exclusive. I would tell her, though.

    With online dating, it's understood that you're talking to and perhaps dating other people.

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  • Seeing others isn't the problem. Sleeping with others is the problem. I don't want sloppy seconds of anybody. No Thank You.

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  • picked D because the rest don't apply to me.
    I do not, ever, date anyone and treat it as not exclusive. If we go on one date, I am still exclusive to her, and expect the same from her to me, unless or until we decide we aren't going to work out.

    Dating isn't putting in a resume. You don't "apply" at a dozen jobs, and then when hired tell the others who call you "sorry, thanks for your interest, but I took a position the other day."
    No.
    Dating is a one at a time type thing.

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    • So what if you met two people online at exactly the same time? Don't you have to spend a little time with each to decide who's a better match for you?

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    • well, no... because I don't find people that way, so that doesn't apply to me

    • Okay, fair enough

  • I think that if she asked, I’d be honest. But I think if she wanted to initiate the “let’s be boyfriend/girlfriend” conversation, and wanted to move to that level... that would be the end of dating those other girls, if I wanted to be exclusive (I do, if we get along that well); of course, I’ve never been in that situation. If anyone asked, I’d be honest. But I’m not sure if I’d volunteer that information or not.

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  • If we are having sex, I would ask her if she is having sex with other guys and if she has been tested. I would expect her to ask me the same thing. If we made the committed relationship talk before we had sex, then, of course, these things should be discussed anyway.

    If we are just dating, I wouldn't really ask or tell, but once sex is on the table or things are starting to lead their way there, then I would ask; probably around date 3 or 4.

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  • This is theory mind you. I would have to be dating at least one person first. Typically, I am very focused and would never see the next one anyway

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    • What if you met three awesome women on a dating site and are trying to decide which one to focus on? Hypothetically.

    • You really do talk science fiction hahahaha. Dating sites really seem more of a showcase and unless I see something in their eyes, you are hardly dating. It seems more like meeting someone at the bar. If there was great potential with more than one, that would be a tough choice and I don't know.

    • Based on your update, that is the still shopping phase. I certainly would not hiding the fact and would potentially mention it but no.

      By the way, does this mean you have a few nibbles while out fishing for dates? Hope so.

  • I refuse to date multiple people at the same time. I consider it kinda rude after a fashion. Yes you may be increasing your chances of finding love but at the same time you're not giving your dates the individual attention that they deserve.

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  • I would think, if you're having sex it should be a common courtesy, at least in the interest of everyone's health.

    Otherwise I feel as long as there is no exclusivity and if things aren't getting serious yet, then it's your own business. You shouldn't lead them on, make them think they are the only one or lie. But not bringing it up unless they ask is fair game to me.

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  • Probably yeah because of the std risk and because most guys do not like sloppy seconds. If the guy finds out later he will dump you.

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    • I get you, but at the same time it's sad that people have sex right away. I think it should be saved until you know each other fairly well and are exclusive.

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What Girls Said 19

  • Before three months ago, I would have said only if they ask, but now yes.

    I went on seven dates with a guy across two months. I finally asked him if he was still seeing other people and he said yes and that he doesn't want anything serious like it was the most obvious thing. Needless to say, it was horrible and I now see the importance of full disclosure

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    • yes, that's too much I think.

    • But those are different conversations, no? I would usually have the "What are you looking for?" conversation on the first or second date, but the exclusive conversation maybe after 2-3 months. And even if I said that I'm looking for something serious on the first date, that doesn't mean I'll marry them. It means I'm looking for it, I'm meeting other people, and then making a decision. And I don't actually expect anyone to only see me until we had the exclusive talk 2-3 months in.

    • @Felicia5567 Yes, those are two different things

  • If you Both are just Dating and no Word of being Exclusive, Then go on out and Play the Field until he makes a Move to Ask you to be his Own at Home. Of course, It is up to You with your own Choice, You have a voice.
    Other than that, Silence is Golden. No Ties with any of these Guys.
    Have Fun, hun! xx

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  • I don't do online dating. But when getting to know a guy on a deeper level where I feel that things can be taken to a situation where things may become emotionally serious, I tend to lay out my dating values to see if they align with his. I don't do open/polygamous relationships. But if the guy found those relationships to be okay for his lifestyle and was seeking one, I wouldn't care to date him.

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  • I've never been in this position, however, I'd be honest as soon as it became relevant. For example, I'm not going to announce during a first date that I'm seeing other people. It's not relevant at that point, because we're still getting to know each other.

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  • If they ask then I'll disclose if I am and then we can decide if it's something we want to change together

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  • I believe in monogamous when you've accepted the other person as your boyfriend or girlfriend. If your on dates your not dating until your in a relationship

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  • ya know thats a toughy. Cause on the one hand you usually don't have to until after a few dates I think is the general consensus.
    On the other hand I would want to know right off the bat. I don't want to get too close to someone who's shopping.

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  • I would always be honest if someone asked me, but I don't just start talking about who else I am messaging to a guy I've met once or twice.
    If it's someone I am really interested in, I would ask him and bring up the conversation.

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  • No, unless I'm in an exclusive relationship, it's none of their business who else I'm seeing/sleeping with. If you're not comfortable sleeping with someone who could be sleeping with someone else, then make sure you're in an exclusive relationship before. And for me that would definitely take more than 3 dates. Usually 3 months is when I know if I want to take it further with someone or not. But at that point I'm really sure and I will take it seriously.
    After 3 dates I barely know someone, why would I want to be exclusive with them and close myself off to other options?

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  • I definitely keep my options open but when I find my guy he's the only one. Sometimes I'll tell the others, other times I won't

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