Accidentally agreed to a date. What should I do?

So a friend of mine who is a really great girl has sent me a message and asked me if I would like going out with her sometime. I wasn't really paying attention to reading her text so I sort of automatically said "sure why not". While she didn't mention it being a date, I have many reasons to believe it is (she has been acting differently lately, flirting, hugging me extremely long and tight hugs etc), and have suspected for a while now that she might try to make a move.
At this point saying "No" would be rude and really not nice, and I really don't want her to get hurt. I also want to avoid asking if she actually meant a date, because this would create an awkward situation. I really like her as a friend and enjoy having conversions with her, and we have a lot in common, but I am just not attracted to her. I am considering of trying to give this a chance but an really unsure about it. What should I do?

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Most Helpful Girl

  • id go and just be a friend, if she SAYS she is interested and you dont want to give it a try, pleas be honest. at least shell have her dignity. even if you wanted other people to give it a chance, if they were not going to, did you want them to placate you or b honest?

    i appreciate you wanting to be kind -thats really good, but honesty IS kind. its respectful and treats her like an adult. plus finding out bad news is best quick. an pleas dont listen to people saying lie, thats horrible im shocked these are adults.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • So all those times she flirted, hugged you extra long & hard, pressing her curves into you till she blushed... you just forgot to ask what was up or to respond?

    That is on you 1000%, dude. Just tell her you don’t want to risk the friendship... either she will understand or she will say you read the signals wrong (whether true or not). Fine. Take the hit. It’s not the end of the world.

    What do you think would happen if you went on the date & then you said, ‘no’? She would feel way more rejected.

    Stop acting like you just don’t want to be rude. No, you are afraid of conflict. You just have to suck it up. Unfortunately not everything is easy in life. Taking the easy way can lead to WAY more problems.

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What Girls Said 9

  • Be upfront with her right away. Tell her you're not interested in getting into a relationship, but would still like to be friends. Do not cave. Do not give her the wrong impression in any way because she'll think you're changing your mind. And absolutely do not sleep with her! She may be so desperate to get you to notice her in that way, that she'll do anything to try to sway you.

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  • This is exactly the reason why girls don't approach guys. Because of guys like you. You just suck at saying no, you lead us on and then disappear like pussies. Grow up.

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    • fuck off with that bias shit. As many asshole females that show up for free food when they know they don't like they guy. FOH

    • Why the hate though? saying no can be hard, as I have been at the other side of it and it hurt badly, and i wish that the girl would've given me a chance. as i mentioned, i agreed ACCIDENTALLY because of not paying attention (was in the middle of something and didn't pay attention, i thought she asked it in some whatsapp group) and now I am trying to find a way to NOT hurt her in any way.

    • @Prime_Sol I agree, females do it too. And I really dislike people who are like that. But females usually just give a cold-hearted rejection when you ask them out, while you will rarely see a guy who will say no, they will rather say yes and pretend then having to say no and hurt someone's feelings. If you ask me, I'd rather be given a cold-hearted rejection then to get a "yes" out of pity.

  • Maybe just say it nicely before don’t lead her on she will get the wrong message she will appreciate you being honest and wanting to keep ur friendship ! Hope this helps :)

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  • I think it would make it more awkward if you go, just cancel it.

    Make plans some other time, but you know, as friends. 😅

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  • Just tell her the truth, if she's your friend then be honest with her. Don't make up some bull crap excuse, just tell you want to remain as friends but you have no problem hanging out. Or just go out and treated like any other time and treat it like a casual hang out, if she tries to get flirty or ask for another date... then just say I thought this was friendly outing and I would like for things to stay that way. That's all you got to you man, and she will understand since you're being upfront about it. Trying to brush it off, ghost, pretend like it didn't happen wouldn't be fair to her, I'm sure if you wouldn't want someone to do that to you if you were interested in someone but they weren't. So please... be honest. You can tell over a message or tell her when you meet up.

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  • Eh dont go.. sounds like you'd only be wasting time if you did

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  • If u was honest with her that won't hurt her just tell her the truth she will understand that...

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  • Just go for it and see how it goes.

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  • I'd pretend to get sick or be busy or something

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What Guys Said 18

  • Perhaps you should find a reason to cancel the date and then invite her to meet you for lunch. That sends a clear signal without saying a word that might hurt her.

    Is there no possibility you could ever be attracted to her?

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    • cancelling is not really an option as we didn't decide on a specific time for this date, and canceling repeatedly while possible would be rude.
      It's possible that i'll get attracted to her, but I doubt it.

    • @cool_Geek2 Since you don't have firm plans, contact her first. Suggest that you meet for lunch. That is a very non-date activity. At the meeting, mention something about having a girlfriend or a recent break up and you're not dating now.

  • In my opinion you're more of a knobhead if you keep quiet about how you feel about her. It may lead her to believe that you do actually like her in that way too. So be open about it, but do go out with her. I mean, friends can still go on dates. Just because it's a date it doesn't have to imply that you're in love! :P

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  • If you want to give it a chance, then move slowly with composure. It could be that you have a best friend who could make a good girlfriend. It could not. You just have to maintain your maturity. Even if you're going to decline, do it maturely. If you do decline and she reacts badly, maintain maturity.

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  • Ask if you shouldn't invite the rest of your friends, so you all have a great time.
    And anytime soon make clear that you only want friendship, talk about it.

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  • Meh, give it a shot. Just act oblivious to it being anything more than a friendly outing. It worked for me before when a girl was dropping increasingly less subtle hints that she wanted to be more than buds.

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  • just tell her something came up. Ask for a few extra hours at work and stay there. Text her before and say you have to work late because of the holiday.

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    • cancelling is not really an option as we didn't decide on a specific time for this date, and canceling repeatedly while possible would be rude.

    • Oh, dude that's easy then. When the idea of a time comes up just say it doesn't work for you.
      Then take control and say you'll plan something. Wait a while and then plan a group thing *movie*
      And invite her like "hey, i have some free time and we were supposed to kick it. Me and *who ever* are going to do this." Also make sure you say "I want you to come" that'll motivate her even if she's hoping to be alone with you.

      Get there first. Have your other friends get there first. Be super nice when she gets there but be like "Yo! This is my friend *wherever her name is* she's cool af!"
      That lets her know you like her but you're only friends. Problem solved.

  • ... you should be prepared for the worse. maybe losing her as a friend.
    sorry if i'm being negative.

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  • You could always try playing the sick card and see if the date just falls apart

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    • she didn't say any specific thing or time, so it won't work

    • Well I guess just try sticking it out, I think that's all you can really do at this point.

  • Give it a chance, the best long term partners start out as a friend or becomes a best friend.

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  • Hyeah be upfront just tell her you weren't paying attention and didn't mean to say yes

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  • I'd say give her a shot.
    So long as this won't threaten the friendship you have with her.

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  • Get her to split the bill. That way it implies it isn't really a date

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  • Ghost her

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  • Back out while you can

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  • Let her off gently

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  • Give it a try...

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  • ''At this point saying "No" would be rude and really not nice, and I really don't want her to get hurt. ''

    What should you do? Stop being so afraid of ''hurting'' her and be honest. So many guys censor themselves around females, or female friends, but they aren't delicate snowflakes. We need to stop being afraid of the outcome...

    Just tell her you've changed your mind, she's a big girl.

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  • Do the age old method of cancelling at the last minute with the excuse of something important coming up.

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    • cancelling is not really an option as we didn't decide on a specific time for this date, and canceling repeatedly while possible would be rude.

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