Help I’m seriously lost for words?

I know it’s shady.. but hear me out. I’ve been with my boyfriend almost two years. He left his phone in bed and he was doing something so I went on it and found he had another random fb account with nothing on it at all. Then his snap chat he had a bunch of random girls on there and Instagram he asked some girl to snap him a nude, andddd I found these old screenshots of random girls nudes.. I don't know what the hell to do because I feel like if I say something I’m going to look crazy but like wtf.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I'm pretty new to selfie culture. I think it's bizarre, but I appear to be the only one. That said, it appears lots of people give them out like candy at Halloween. If that's true, it doesn't appear to have any significance. It's like having porn on his phone, a bunch of nudes of women he'll never meet. If they're women he knows in person, that's a bit different. Exes? Crushes? If you've ever talked about it and you were clear that you think having nudes of other people is tantamount to cheating, then you gotta set him straight or cut him loose. If not, it's time to have that talk.
    As far as the snooping goes, what's done is done. You can't take it back because you found something disturbing. It's kinda fucked up; you obviously have trust issues. I'd tell you to get help, but there's a chance your fella earned a snoop. Then again, maybe it's nothing. Gotta have that talk.

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    • I know and honestly I thought about the whole “basically porn” thing as well. It’s just like come on. I don’t know. I’ve had some issues with trust since I was like 16. So I don't know if I should say something or just move on.

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    • No. You should tell him you snooped and are concerned about what you found. Don't play games. Don't expect him to decipher you. Don't read into anything he says or doesn't say. Have an open and honest conversation.

    • Touché. Thank youu.

Most Helpful Girl

  • Don't ignore it and tbh I'm not sure there's much point talking it out I'd advise you just to end it. If you mention it for whatever reason then be prepared for him to switch it on you and make it about you invading his privacy and going through his phone. DON'T LET HIM DO THAT - and if he's persistent about it god don't waste your time on him.

    Sorry you found all those pictures too, but at the same time I'm glad you did.

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    • I honestly don’t even know how I would even bring it up because I know he’ll turn it around on me.

    • I know I know and that's really annoying. Just keep saying stuff like if you're seriously going to make this about me going on your phone rather than you receiving and saving photos of naked girls then forget it, you're not the person I thought you were. I don't know, just be as serious or relaxed as how you genuinely feel and be persistent in getting your point across.

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What Guys Said 19

  • I love how all the guys are saying it's fine because they do it and the women are demanding he be burned at the stake. Honestly, you should feel terrible for not respecting someone's privacy... if he had been innocent. Not only is he emotionally unfaithful, he is also lazy. No lock screen on the phone? Come on... I'm not going to bother telling you what you should do because I already know what you will do. The long and short of it is that you're going to find a way to put this behind you because he's going to convince you that he really cares about you and subconsciously your attraction for him is going to skyrocket because 'Wow, he must be such a prize since all these other women want him, and obviously I don't deserve a chance to be with him because I'm not meeting his needs if he's looking at other girls. But now I have a chance to be with him so I'd better not pass it up because I'll never find someone this good again.' Only down the road when you catch him at it again (notice it's not "when it happens again" because, rest assured, he will hone his craft now that he's been caught) after you have invested more of your life with him and likely had a child together will you realize that you probably should have just moved on the first time you caught him cheating. Good luck to you.

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  • Okay first off. Guys look at women and they look at porn.

    Second BOTH of you need to determine what is cheating and what's not. My ex-girlfriend considered a cheating for me just to have other girls pictures on my phone. But I didn't consider cheating unless I was flirting and touching another woman. What's actually cheating can vary from person to person.

    Third you're already going through his phone so you already don't trust him. Is that because you were suspicious or because you just had the opportunity. Either way you need to scale out your trust determine if he's worth your trust.

    Four, not every guy is perfect some guys have girls on there Instagram and Snapchat but there's no affection there it's only something to look at. I know that sounds misogynistic but it's true.

    Personally I have things like suicide girls on my Instagram and my girlfriend knows about it and is fine with it.

    Lastly yes you need to talk about it. I'm going to tell you right now but he's going to be angry and defensive since you went into his phone. It's an invasion of privacy it doesn't matter if you're his girlfriend. But I need to stress that you need to draw lines as to what is cheating.

    As a last note this is going to fallow you and you are going to trust him less unless you clear the air.

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  • He's sneaking around behind your back and talking with other women and trying to get nudes from them. Many would consider that cheating and if nothing else he's lying to you. You know he is a low character guy and you'll never be happy long term with this guy. I know you've invested two years but you need to do the hard thing and end this and go find someone better and more loyal than him.

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  • He'll probably be angry that you looked at his phone, but the real issue here is the extent and Timing of his contact with other women. If you're in an exclusive relationship, he shouldn't be in touch with other women without your knowledge. Talk to him, but not in an angry or confrontational way because you need full disclosure from him.

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  • No... you need to address it or its just going to continue to happen.

    He may be annoyed that yo went on his phone,... possibly rightly so,... but then you would never have known! And his defence mechanism will kick in. But the fact you found something proves you were justified to look!

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  • Why would you look crazy because you caught him asking for a nude picture from another girl? And the other nudes, etc. He has some serious explaining to do. It looks a whole lot like he may have been cheating on you. At the least, he has been getting nudes behind your back from other girls. That's a major issue of breaking your trust.

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    • I just don’t know what to doooo

    • I can't tell you what to do, but what he has done is serious, not a little thing. He has unfaithful on a basic level, asking a girl for a nude pic. It does seem like your relationship with him will have a difficult time lasting if he continues to do these things. But in the end, you are the one who has to live with the consequences, so you should decide what to do, or not to do.

  • Well, how old are those texts/pictures? If they are older than your relationship, there's nothing you can do. If they are done during your relationship, you got a proof then, and a reason to scold him and break up with him. A question here is - do you want to compromise your relationship?

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    • Some of the messages were like weeks ago. The pictures are from when we first started talking I honestly don’t know how to go about this

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    • That’s honestly what I’m thinking too

    • Consult with your friends. Or with someone who knows you both. And good luck.

  • honestly? just confront him about it, there's nothing wrong in him looking at girls on the net, as long as that's all, the second he starts asking for nudes and such, it becomes a problem, but make sure it was during the time the 2 of you have been dating, if it was before it will only make him trust you less

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  • Up to you? Is that classed as cheating for you?

    There's no physical contact. Just electronic nude sharing and electronic coomunications. Essentially he's just chatting online with girls and enjoying amateur pornography

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  • Seems like you wasted 2 years. Sorry.
    He won't change. So you have to make a change.
    Tell him the reason and dont bother to wait for an excuse and walk out

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  • Either you live with the guilty mind
    Or talk to him and reach a conclusion.
    If he's been cheating, find a better guy
    If he is not, then you have nothing to worry about

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    • I just don’t want to look like a snoop. We had trouble before we were dating with him using tinder while we were together and he ended up deleting it and everything I just have trust issues

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    • It’s just I know he doesn’t know any of these random girls. They all live in a different state. We talk about kids and marriage. I just don’t know

    • If he just took these pictures off the internet then, its a valid statement that those are random girls that he doesn't know.
      But if he interacted with them and it was a mutual exchange then that statement doesn't go down well

  • talk to him

    1. apologize for breaking his trust.

    2. talk business

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  • Try saying him that some guy was asking you nudes and you send him. see how he reacts. then give it back to him the way that he reacts.

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  • It's clear he wants sex with more than just you. He's actively looking for girls it seems. I say you leave him. Or kick him to the curb as a side guy.

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  • Talk to him about it, but you have to be calm. And shame on you for going though his phone

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    • Okay right. He’s gone through mine too but obviously I have nothing to hide.

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    • yeah don't act like you deserve him. hearing him out is one of the things that make you the person who deserves a better relationship than your current one.

  • You need to get this out in the open or you will go crazy

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    • Yeah but like I don’t want to look crazy. Like I know he’d be pissed I went on his phone. Curiosity killed the cat I guess.

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    • Exactly. So I’m lost

    • Well to get on the right path is to avoid the emotional train wreck that is coming it is just a matter of when

  • Leave him or ask him if there's anyone else. .. or if you're exclusive. . Good luck

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  • Is there anything on your fone u wouldn't want him to see

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    • No there’s not. I’ve let him have my phone for 10+ hours and I had absolutely no problem with it

    • Oh ok im not defending him but guys have daft things on their fone

  • Seems like you have a fuckboy

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What Girls Said 4

  • Just break up with him and don't say anything, ignore him

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    • That’s literally no way to handle a serious relationship because then you have to live with not saying anything.

    • Since he did that to you, that's the only way to make him wonder and feel bad about it, but it's better just to tell him, and he looked thorough your phone too. Don't worry about appearing crazy

  • If you say something he’ll most likely get mad that you went through his phone but most likely only because he got caught! Being as though you were with him for so long I know it’s not easy to just up and leave him but I suggest you do say something to him about it because that’s wrong. If he wants nudes he should be asking you for them, not random girls. I think you deserve better.

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  • 1). Destroy his phone. Break it till it goes black.
    2). Destroy his clothes. Just rip the one he likes most completely apart.
    3). Text these b*tches that you're his girlfriend and that he is a piece of shite and just block them or even better, upload his d*ck pics on every social profile he has. Send them to his mother, his boss, his father.
    4). Scratch his car and deflate his tires
    5). Finally, welcome him home when he comes back, say you break up with him but do not tell him why. Then run away as soon as possible and make sure he doesn't get to you ever again. If it's your house, pack his things and wave him goodbye. That's not called being a boyfriend and you would have found out sooner or later. That's called being an egoistic piece of sh*t. Make him payy girl make. Him. Pay.

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  • Throw him out!

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