She says she isn't up for a relationship right now. But she seemed to be up for it before. What should I do?


First, sorry for any grammar. English is my second language.

Im a shy guy with 30 years. Never had a relationship before.

I've met a girl through a dating app. We've go out for dating several times, been best friends for 2 years and half. Me beign shy and introvert, we only kissed 3 times, but she never considered a relationship becouse someone else she knew from a long time also wanted to date with her. That time, i was dumped for a year. I said we can still be friends, but deep in my heart, i wasn't feeling so well becouse she never said the truth until it happened (shes a insecure person). So i tried the so called "no-contact".

This year she ended her relationship, got into some legal problems about losing her house and went desperate. I helped her find answers and in the end it wasn't a big deal.

That time we started to date again. She was contacting me more often, even through she was very busy with her job. When i tought it was the time to say i wanted a relationship with her, she started to postpone several meetings even before i could reveal that for 2 months. Not to mention she kept some short talk. I started to get mad and sometimes cried thinking if she didn't like me anymore. I tried no-contact again and she keept saying hello in a short-talk manner.

So until now, i decided to reveal about my wish for a relationship through message. She didn't talk much about it but she said she was wasn't up for a relationship right now and she was afraid to loose me as a friend if things doesn't work out.

I know things could change in a meeting but its too hard to go out with her. she's kinda lazy for that and prefers to stay home, watch Netflix and sleep becouse she's "tired" all the time.

I can't describe with words how i feel. I never had experiences with relationship and this girl is really alike. We enjoy lots of things together, we had very good times. Heck we even travelled for a day!

What should i do? she's still short-talking with me.
Any more advices is really appreciated. I tried to asking her for another meeting again and all i've got is "we will see" and gave me a cold shoulder afterwards. she's been giving me a cold shoulder more often lately reading messages without answer or ignoring parts of the message.

Sometimes i feel like considering a cold shoulder back doing the "no-contact" rule again. I don't know if that would be healthy in this situation.


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  • you probably should say exactly how you feel face to face. be open when communicating. tell her how much it effects you in the situation. you both will haft to come to that mutual agreement. personally I wouldn't stay friends with someone who brushed my love off for friendship.

    personally I think women get lost... they say growing up that it's best to be friends first then love, but most women treat male friends like female friends so it never goes anywhere and both are unhappy and miserable throughout life.

    • To say how i feel, face to face is exactly what i want to do most. I keep insisting to her to meet me again, but all she says is something like "sure, lets see one of these days" or next week. Mind i already said how i feel through message and i didn't get a proper conversation. So yes, i definetly want to do that again face to face.

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