Guys, if there was someone ur family set to have u married to (she texts you everyday &calls you hubsy) and you had a girlfriend, what would you do?

This is something very serious and I need your honest advice. If a boy B is in a serious relationship with someone yet B's family was trying to get him married to someone else (X) and X texts and calls B all day and B snap's X back, X calls B hubsy and B doesn't discourage her 'because B told X no months ago so she won't listen if B says no again'. Then B's girlfriend (G) finds out and asks B why he is still talking to X, has her on snapchat and doesn't stop her from calling him hubsy and tell her again that he won't marry her - B has no viable reason but says that he won't marry X whatsoever. G asks B to stop talking to that X but B continues to secretly talk to her about 'matters he thinks G won't understand and he can't share with G' and then B goes ahead and changes his phone's password to ensure that G doesn't read his messages or snaps to X. Despite all this B says to G that he loves G and wants to marry her and expects her to not bring up X or ask to check his phone or even question his intentions.

What does B really want? Is he playing both X and G? Is he confused? Does he need therapy? Is he being pressurised by his family? Has he already said yes to X? Is he lying to G and cheating on his 5 years relationship?

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  • It would be a lot easier if you just described your situation clearly and then asked us what our reasons might be if we were him.

    If it was me, the only reason I could think of would be that despite not feeling anything romantic for X, I still may enjoy chatting. I'd make my intentions unequivocally clear but I wouldn't necessarily cut X out of my life if I already knew her. I can't control how X feels. But depending on how much it affected my girlfriend I would consider doing so even if I don't necessarily want to myself.

    From an outsider's perspective, he either feels the same way I do or he wants to keep his options open in case something happened with you, and is simply to I secure about himself to be sure that he can guarantee that it will work out between you two. He wants to be with you, but he's too scared to give up the girl that he knows wants to be with him anyway.

    But if that's the case, eventually he has to realize that he has no better a shot with the other girl and it could just as easily fail, so his indecisiveness is only going to strain the relationship he certainly wants but is too scared could still go south somehow

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    • Im sorry, the situation is so complicated that I tried to simplify it.
      But you seemed to have grasped the situation well.
      Although it still doesn't make sense.
      He may enjoy talking to her but he does not want to marry her so why would he keep her as an option? he's wasting her time and energy. The girl's dad has recently asked him for his ring size, he didn't give the size but didn't outright refuse to give it either.

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    • Well unfortunately that's the only option I see here. His actions are conflicting with his words. That means he either doesn't mean what he's saying or he doesn't realize that his behavior is making you feel neglected.

      Just ask him again. If he gets agitated you have to be the bigger person and keep your cool. You have to acknowledge what he's said and you need to insist that his actions are hurting you. It's making you feel anxious and unwanted. He's not talking to you and the cycle of arguing and nothing getting better is getting to you.

      I don't see any way around it. You can only know what each other are thinking if you communicate openly and honestly, and if you have an argument you have to keep going and resolve your problem. You can't go to sleep without solving anything, or it's just going to happen again

    • I completely agree. Im the type of person who can't sleep unless I've resolved the problem. Whereas he has been the complete opposite since the start of our relationship.

      As much as i love him, im beginning to resent him for his behaviour, lack of care concern and interest and actions towards the other girl and other apps where he pretends to be someone else and talks to random girls.
      I want this to work but i dont see it going anywhere.

      Maybe he sees that too or maybe he is intentionally creating such an environment that I walk away when he needs me to.
      In just about a months time we will be in a long distance relationship as we will both go back to our home towns. Which means he will be in the same town and surrounded by the girl X who his family has chosen.
      And i will be miles away wondering if he's even sincere

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