Do you think it's wrong to date multiple people at once (before having the DTR talk) without telling them?

DTR - determine the relationship.

I'm torn between 2 guys.
  • Yes
    Vote A
  • No
    Vote B
Select age and gender to cast your vote:
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But I feel bad because they both really like me, and giving them both romantic attention feels somehow wrong, like I'm playing them.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Some people expect monogamy from 'go' and others don't. If you don't know that ahead of time, you could end up hurting feelings. First date is the best time to have the talk, not the DTR talk, the IRYYRM talk. (I respect you, you respect me)
    If you're seeing multiple people and one of them expects monogamy, but you're not down, then you're being selfish. You need to limit your dating pool to like-minded people.
    I believe the first kiss should either end every other relationship or the one you're kissing. I don't want to find out my love interest is making out with multiple guys. I doubt that would make anyone very warm & fuzzy.

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    • How does one bring up the IRYYRM discussion on a first date without freaking the other person out?

    • It's easy with online dating; "Have you met anyone else on that site/app?"
      If you're still dating traditionally, you can start with a line, "You're cute! I bet the ladies are beating down your door!"
      If you met them through skool or work or friends or family, a little light stalking probably took place before the date anyway. Can usually get the player score card that way.
      If none of the above applies, a joke filled with sexual tension will do the trick, "I hope you're on your A-game, cuz you've got competition."
      By the end of that conversation, you should know exactly where you stand with each other. If either of you plays outside the rules after, drunk dials, flaming bags of poo, bathroom stall scrawlings and even light stabbings all become fair play.

Most Helpful Girl

  • I don't think there's anything wrong with it as long as you're not sleeping with either of them. If they're both into you, you probably should choose quite soon thou

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 22

  • It's OK for you to date or talk to more than one person as long as you aren't in an exclusive relationship. In your case, I think, though, that you should make up your mind pretty quickly in order to be fair to them.

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  • 25-29 and you're still trying to figure this out? Stop being selfish and make a choice. By not choosing one AND not being up front with them you are just trying to wait until one wins you over the other. Be an adult and make a choice. The fact you "feel bad" already tells you that you arnt built for having multiple relationships and continuing in this fashion will only end poorly for you

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  • I think you need to end things with one of the guys. The longer you keep this going, the harder it will become.

    Do not tell them you have found someone else. It will destroy there self-esteem. just tell them you dont have a romantic connection with them, and it won't work. but that you enjoyed their company.

    good luck

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  • I'm not experienced but here's what I feel: I think that the first meeting is set to see each other, say; fine. If any second meeting is expected then I think that -if you are unsure- you should be up front about it, just to be fair. Maybe they will tell it's fine for them as well. Maybe they will ask you to choose one, maybe something in between... Does this make sense? :-)

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  • Because I you end up with one of those, then you are basically basing the relationship on lying.
    And its going to be miserable for the both of you once he finds out that he was merely an option

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  • No it's not wrong until you make a commitment. Of course it will bug you because you haven't made a mutual agreement, but It's generally assumed everyone is dating multiple people now a days. But you should disclose if you're being sexually active with someone else, in my opinion.

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  • What I think, is that if you're unsure which of them you want, then neither of them is right. But, it matters more what you think.

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  • Everything is ok as long as you're UPFRONT AND honest about it before any questions can even be raised. Be real from the absolute VERY beginning and no one will have any moral superiority over you as you were pure from the beginning.

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  • How can you be obligated to someone without DTR? If a guy want to be monogamous with you he will say so. If he's avoiding the conversation, he has to accept the fact you are free to date other people.

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  • Always pick the second guy if you like him, because if you actually liked the first one you wouldn't have a reason for the second one.

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  • If you date two dudes and you decide you wanna be with one dude you better stick to the dude. because if they both think they're just going solo with you aren't going to get him back unless he's desperate

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  • Always.. Merry X-mass people

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  • If you date 2 dudes then you will need to eventually pick one. Don't double date next time if you don't want to get into this position.

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  • i don't agree with doing this on purpose and i don't do it myself. however i would still not say that it is "wrong". life happens.

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  • Go for both. it's almost 2018, lots of guys are into it

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    • Are you talking about polyamory?

    • Show All
    • Interesting. I've been curious about polyamory actually, because I have the kind of personality that doesn't really like longterm commitment or planning. And I always feel like the next best thing is around the corner and I want to be open to it if it comes my way. It's not that I don't like the men I choose to date, I often love them, but it just feels like I'm not cut out for the standard societal expectations when it comes to relationships..

    • Feel free to message me if you want to know more, or want advice on the best way to do it ethically and sustainably

  • Its not wrong on principle, but i don't think I'd do it

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  • Yes. You should date only one person without telling him.

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  • Yes.

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  • Is that golddigging?

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  • Nothing wrong with dating around.

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  • Yes and no

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  • Do you have sex with them

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What Girls Said 1

  • Yes, it is wrong.

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