Im not sure how to feel?

Hanshusband
So pretty much my girlfriend of 3 years drops the bomb that she wants a break. She said her reasoninf is because she doesn't want to be 35 with kids and regret never getting to live. Essentially she just wants meaningless sex with other dudes. I still live with her and she tells me every day she loves me and this is only temporary and that if any dudes start catching feelings she is shutting it down with them. Now for a good part of our relationship i was hung up on my ex mostly because she bailed and started sleeping with my cousin and i couldnt get over it. My current stayed by my side the whole time. Through drug relapses and suicide attempts. I havnt attempted contacting my ex in like 8 months or more but i know that hurt her. She tells me this break isn't going to be forever and she even wants me to go sleep with other girls. But i only want her. Before this i wasn't clingy with her at all but now every time she isn't by me or isn't in the mood to cuddle i start having a panic attack because i keep thinking about what if she catches feelings for one of these dudes. Im not sure what to feel and all i want to do is take a shit ton of xanax every day and sleep through this whole thing but i know she will definitely be done with me if i do that.
Updates:
+1 y
Like she even admits what she is asking me is fucked up. And every time i message her she asks me how im feeling. Every time its existential dread and panic.
Im not sure how to feel?
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