Trying online dating apps for first time in 7 years and it's depressing! Why does nobody ever answer?

Hello... I have tried OkCupid, Tinder and now trialling Bumble and in 7 weeks nobody - and I mean, nobody - has sent a request, replied or anything. I have a lot of girl friends (colleagues, women I went to school with), 4 sisters and 5 nieces. They've all given me ideas to improve my profiles and choose the right pics. Some are on these sites and if they didn't know me already (or weren't related to me) they say they'd at the very least swipe right!

I am witty, moderately attractive (If you like Bruce Willis to be fair). So what gives? Bumble I get - 24 hours to respond is pushing it a bit (it takes 5 days for my sisters to return an urgent call) but the rest... it's a bit depressing.

Maybe it's not like the old days when on Zoosk I had to work to get a conversation going and wasn't that successful - 4 or 5 messages a week. These days that would be a blessing. Maybe it's too easy and too disposable to not even have to respond. A one finger operation. Do other men have this problem and do any ladies have any insight as to why nobody is responding? I don't mind going through a quiet patch but 7 weeks is a bit harsh...

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I decided to give online dating a go after being single a while and being sorted in my career I wanted to have someone in my life to share it with.
    So I signed up and paid up.
    And yes l had messages but they were from one extreme to another they were either much younger or a lot older.
    But those that were in my age range I did reply even if they said the most bizzar things and no reply back. So I feel it does go the other way too.
    I did get chatting to two guys one got the hump when l didn't reply back in 24hrs (WiFi died) and one which I had hopes on as he asked to meet after talking for a few weeks but then couldn't meet but would then ask again and then couldn't and after the 3rd time l gave up hope l assume he said it and didn't want to meet or maybe something else only he knows the answer.
    But once this month's subscription is up l shall go back to committing to my work hobbies and friends.
    But l hope your luck changes.

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    • Someone as eloquent as yourself deserved better. Some men just don't appreciate class. Sorry...

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    • Something we have in common!

    • Lol yes.
      I've just looked Ridings up thankyou.

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What Girls Said 2

  • I hate to tell you. My husband and I met on plenty of fish. He said when he saw that I messaged him and he hadnโ€™t messaged me he was over the moon. How did he catch this hot girls attention. On dating sites there are far more women than men. They have the pick of what they want. Women are super shallow as well and if you donโ€™t have the righ โ€œlookโ€ they wonโ€™t take time to get to know you. Now not all women are like that. My husband posted something humorous which is what made me message him. However, his look was not what I liked at all. Gauged ears and tattoos. i gave him a chance and fell in love so I am glad I did but a lot of women unfortunately do not do that. I am sorry and ashamed of my fellow women 90% of the time.

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    • There's hope for me yet! I can be funny especially on dates. One time I took a lady to the seaside, she bought fish and chips - and i got attacked by seagulls. Another time I took a daten into London to visit The National Gallery (she was an artist). Somehow I ended up speaking French (i speak itnfluent - ish...)- got mistaken for a tour guide by some Parisian tourists. And i ended up walking them round the museum. Fortunately my date - who for a change had a sense of humour - would tell me whatever were looking at, and I duly translated. When they all got back on their bus they gave us tips and we spent the rest of the day in a pub laughing our heads off.

    • Sounds like fun. You will find the right fit... patience is the key. Supposedly guys rarely get responses but women wade through 50+ a day. At least I did. It was a long tedious process.

  • Hmm that's strange. Do you have any of those set to private by mistake?

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    • No they are totally visible- my colleagues at work confirm that daily... "Chris, you've come up again...". I am with freakyzeaky on the idea of men going on strike. Okay, Bumble is set up different but really. Ladies need to delete the idiots who send those dkpcs - and ignore the blatantly obvious fake profiles. That will leave normsl people.. . the types of guys you talk to every day at work or in your local social arenas.

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    • Lol ๐Ÿ˜˜

    • @Flower-petal No, it isn't strange. He is a guy. He, as all guys (basically) make his profile most open, but there is no point, because girls od dating sites don't initiate anything. Or reply. In general.
      So if anything, this is just normal. If it wouldn't be like that, I would be suspicious.

What Guys Said 20

  • This isn't very encouraging to hear. I haven't been on online dating sites since before I dated my ex 2 years ago (who I meet from PoF). I hope it hasn't gotten that much worse for us guys.

    Something has to give. Maybe it is true, maybe guys should just go their own way, but unless there is a mass exodus of men, I doubt it will make a difference.

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  • The primary reason for women to use these dating apps is as a self esteem and validation boost. They're attention seeking emotional cripples. Or prostitutes. A tiny number is actually interested in meeting a man for a relationship.

    Forget these waste of time apps. I recommend you play real life Tinder. Smile at girls you like the look of. If they smile back, it's a match! Go up to them and say something simple like "Hi, I'm Bruce Willis" or "Yippee kai-ay muthafucka."

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  • Because you're a guy!!! That's why.
    And you probably aren't paying. That might help a little bit.
    But sorry. You were born in the wrong sex. The one, which doesn't really belong to dating sites.

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    • I am paying... 30 quid a month (40 US Dollars) to stare at an empty inbox every night. They should boot women off the site if They dont reply to anyone for a week; that would even things up a bit. 30 quid mate. That could have gone on 7 pints of Doom Bar and 5 tunes on the juke box. Drat.

    • OK. I give you one advice. Worked for me well. Strange, how nobody gave it to me.
      Delete all your profiles on these sites, most importantly, stop paying them (btw, I'm from Europe, so โ‚ฌ would be fine, even though our country has it's own currency (which is basically worthless). Don't get me wrong, I appretiate the conversion, but you didn't have to do it. :-) ).
      Take that money and go to the pub. They would be better spend there.

  • I know you're looking for a woman, and online seems easy enough, but I would avoid the online crowd if you don't have the online presence.

    So let's be honest here, women use these profiles for various reasons. Some are just window shopping. They are thinking about leaving their man, and want to know what is out there. The single ones are looking for top tier guys. They want to see good looks and clues that you are someone special. Other women are looking for validation. They just like to see who likes them and what they will say. They might just want to play with a guy via text or messaging for a week or two, and then disappear. Then the ghosters who are very insecure girls fishing for their cheating guys. They will post what they think their guy is really into, a fake picture and profile and try to catch him trying to cheat.

    The problem is that most women get hammered with request from many, if not hundreds of guys a day. They get to be extremely choosy.

    What do these girls see? They see guys standing in front of their new jacked up Ford F-150's and Porsches. Standing in front of exotic travel locations. With a cool crowd in the background to make them seem popular. And if not that, a ton of dick pics and creepy messages. If you don't have good pics and a solid profile, your chances fall below 1% response rates.

    But you say I am good descent guy. I am not creepy or sending photos of my junk... What happens is that most guys seem boring unless they have some standout qualities. Again, good pics, solid profile, good humor and seemly hooked up just zipping online for a date. If you try too hard, to be too honest upfront, you will come off as just another beta or boring guy.

    So, you're mostly gaming with the PUA's. They know how to look like someone special. They know what women want to hear. They know how to play with them to maybe get a shot at them. At least until the lie unfolds... That said, most of these online single girls have been around and around with these guys. Chances are good they have slept with a number of them, especially in the 20's crowd.

    So you can game up, and become a PUA. Keep going and hope some less than average girl gives you a chance.

    Or you can go your own way and stop worrying about meeting a girl. Develop your life to have a better job/business, develop your hobbies, and just do you're own thing. Never hurts to take some red pills from Sandman on YouTube and let the girls come to you later...

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  • Match. com worked for me (we're married) but that was some years ago. I never had much trouble getting dates. Compatibility was harder. One summer I had seventeen first dates and no second dates. I was about to give up and then I got a message from the woman I married.

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  • I have a draft for a MyTake on this. Might get it up today, but you need to stand out over the other 100 guys that right swiped that girl and messaged her.

    Don't write hey, but make it more interesting.
    Cheesy pick-up lines can work for some, but often do not unless you came up with it yourself.
    Writing their name could work.

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  • Are any of them pay sites?
    If not, choose pay sites.
    Women get bombarded by lewd pics, terrible offers, and messages from otherwise nice, if completely uninteresting or socially inept fellas. So many of them expect something extremely eye-catching or interesting in your pic or the first line of your message. Otherwise you get deleted forthwith. As with many things, you get what you pay for. So free sites offer generally low quality suitors in bulk. When women do start responding, you'll likely experience the same for yourself. If you're serious about meeting quality women, shell out some dough. Some offer 90-day guarantees, so you can feel more confident in choosing them. Also, read the fine print because sometimes the guarantee is dependent upon you logging in daily, sending a certain amount of messages, and actually contacting their suggested matches. Good luck!

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    • Thanks for that! 2 sites are paid (Tinder I now think was a mistake; Bumble I am very disappointed at. Their rule that men cannot send a woman a message has, I gather, stopped most cretins going on there to send pictures of their unmentionables so serious women feel a lot safer on it. Though one would expect this to mean since there's less traffic and women HAVE to make the first move in 24 hours, they would be more responsive. That isn't the case.

      Bumble is a site where women are in total control,... and do absolutely nothing. One profile made me laugh, "Hello I don't like replying to messages, maybe I'm on the wrong site! Message me first and if I can be bothered I'll ask you out x" To recap, the USP of Bumble is the woman has to send the first message. So yep... wrong site.

      In previous years I tried Zoosk, Match and EHarmony. had 3 relationships and made loads of friends on the forums (some i still talk to 7 years on). How times change.

  • I personally avoid dating apps just because of how ridiculous the experiences of users get. I'm pretty sure your experience is very common. I've heard of tons of individuals who attract a great number of good partners irl, but have no luck on those apps.

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  • I know the feeling man. Unfortunately its a woman's market on those sites. They get bombarded with hundreds of messages a day. Dating sites like that put a lot of emphasis on surface level attraction. Unless you are exactly what that one particular woman wants, you ain't getting a reply.

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  • Response rates are like 5-10% or below on average for men and maybe double that for women. I would try meeting people other ways.

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