Basically i've allowed one past hurt to pretty much control my entire life for the past 6 (coming on 7) years and it was only today that i realised i've basically become my friend but not in a good way; when i first met my friend she was very blunt and closed off (naturally due to her upbringing) and she confessed to me a few years ago that she wishes she could be more like me and wear her heart on her sleeve.
This was before i became the person who i am now; which is a cold, closed off can be mistaken as heartless in some cases person. I don't open up about anything to anyone unless they specifically ask me and even then i give them the bare minimum; basically my friend has become me before the past hurt and i've become her. I've lost pretty much all my interest in sex as well; now i basically just want to please her and i couldn't care less if i got anything or not. TBH i was always a bit like that anyway
I hate that i've done this mostly subconsciously to avoid the pain and facing the truth that i let the girl do this to me; i am getting therapy but i know that therapy needs to be paired with active treatment on the patients side. So what can i do. For me to just simple open up is not something that i'll just be able to do. It's got to the stage where i don't know how to bring up my past with anyone anymore without getting overwhelmed and breaking down or without raising a HUGE red flag
I want to be free of this control but i don't know how to start