Why is it like this?

So, my friends always get hit on. And I am never one of them. When we are out, one of them always gets hit on. And it hurts my feelings cause I don't think any guy finds me attractive, and I am super shy too. I feel like I'll never find anyone, and when someone does talk to me they never wanna hang out. Which makes me feel even worse cause I feel like they have another "prettier, better" girl. Will I ever find someone?


Most Helpful Guy

  • I realize that feelings aren't a choice... we feel how we feel. So I can't really fault you for feeling the way you do.

    BUT your thoughts ARE your choice. You CHOOSE to measure yourself against others, which is the worst way to live possible.

    When you measure yourself against everyone else it leaves you a victim of your circumstances, because others will ALWAYS be better and worse than you. So from the ground running you're going to be in a losing situation. When you have 8 billion other people on this earth there's always going to be prettier girls, smarter people, and others more liked.

    Does this make sense? You will have to literally be the best looking women in the entire world before you're able to not worry about comparing yourself to others, because there's ALWAYS going to be others better than you.

    This is why making comparisons is illogical and worse, it's harmful to your self esteem and well being.

    But you're probably young so you haven't learned this yet.

    So here's a life hack for you... there's two ways we can live... in comparison to others OR through introspection and acceptance.

    We can either look at everyone else and try to live up to what they're doing (chasing attention and approval, leaving us disappointed, depressed and sad)


    We can instead love and accept ourselves AS WE ALREADY ARE and then compare the world to our own inner views (always feel accepted, loved and happy,)

    See the difference?

    We can't live without others, but we can live without needing to be like others, or needing to be liked by others.

    NEXT... pay better attention to the people who get hit on. I can promise you that these people aren't shy. They're social.

    Being "shy" is actually an excuse... it's an issue of the ego.

    When an ego is weak and fragile and insecure it panics and convinces us to avoid others. This ego is so scared of being questioned or challenged it fools us into avoiding all people, as a way of maintaining self worth.

    But if instead you don't give a shit what people think, and you just be YOU, then it's EASY to be social, and to have fun.

    And being social is just a practiced skill.

    To learn how to pick up women I first had to practice making small talk with all strangers when out shopping. Just making small talk was enough to help me escape my shyness and embrace my personal power.

    Being SOCIAL is what attracts men.

    ~ Robby


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What Guys Said 5

  • I think you are over stating the action. You may be putting on a facade of "unapproachable". Being shy is okay, being cut off or unavailable is not. Be engaged, you don't have to do the engaging but be engaged in what is going on. Make a human connection with the room and guys will come your way. Shy or not.

  • Being shy may mean you give off a I don't really wanna talk vibe about you which might effect this try making sure you look more welcoming and happy to speak to new people. I'm sure you will find someone don't get down about it just don't remember to look like you are happy to talk to people

  • The reason they don't hit on you is your attitude. Yes I know, without attention, you don't feel good about yourself. And since you don't feel good about yourself, you don't get attention.

    You may be able to make a big improvement by simply being an actress. I assume you are at least reasonable pretty. Take your face and wear a proud smile. On a scale of 1 to 10, a good smile will take you up two points.

    Watch the girls who are getting attention and observe their body movement. Guys will notice subtle things in the way you move.

    Most importantly, when you finally do start a conversation with someone, I know you are shy, but beam your smile.

    Shy people tend to glance down and to the side. Don't be afraid to do that. Do it right and it is very cute. But look up at his face and smile. That is what he wants to see.

  • Yes, you will. But maybe not in the conventional dating scene. It's hard to answer your question, because it's more a cry for help. Maybe I can give you my perspective as a in my opinion not that ugly guy. I'm sorta shy. Never had a girlfriend and 20. Now I can hate myself for not getting any love, or I can enjoy other things in life. A hobby, hanging casually with my friends just having a good time.
    I Will, maybe in time after getting a job, have time to work on seduction skills.

    You can work on your shyness, and make yourself more assertive. You can find good subreddits for those. If you have

    Finding love is like finding happiness. If you look to hard you will have less.

    I don't have any dating or seduction advice for you. Only life wisdoms. 😊

  • Hey there


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