I think I'm comfortable, but not in love. How can I work through this with losing the relationship?

I've been dating my girlfriend for 5 months now. The beginning of our relationship was fantastic. I really enjoyed her company, the sex was great, I always felt happy to see her, and she felt the same way. Now, I'm not sure that I love her and it kills me. I don't think I would feel sad if I lost her, but I know it would bother me. I care about her a great deal and I still like to see her and spend time with her. We have sex roughly once a week because I'm a full-time student and employee so I'm often tired. However when we do, it's good. I've often heard that being comfortable with someone means feeling indifferent about them, which I don't. I enjoy doing things for her and with her (I spoil her too much), we laugh together, I worry about how she's doing, and to be quite frank, she's a perfect match for me. I'll tell her I love her or she'll tell me she loves me and in that moment I mean it. I wholeheartedly mean it, but then later I find myself wondering if I actually do. At first I thought it was just a phase I'm feeling, but I'm worried that if I don't try to figure this out now, it will end up being horrible for both of us. A part of me wants to talk with her about how I'm feeling, but I'm unsure of how to explain this to her without her feeling devastated. I guess I love her, but I'm not in love with her and I feel like that's really shitty of me and I hate that I feel that way. I've casually dated a great deal and have had a few serious girlfriends (at least I considered them serious), but I've never dated anyone longer than her and maybe I feel this way because I was so used to seeing someone new every few months. Maybe it's because all of my friends live a distance away from me so I see her almost every other day (she lives less than 2 minutes from me). I don't know. I feel like I'm answering some of my own questions. I'm not sure of what to do anymore. I'm happy to offer other information if that would be helpful.


Most Helpful Girl

  • You can love someone, but not be in love with them. I have seen people like these before, where they are sure that they want their partner to stick around, but not to the extend of sacrificing everything they have for them.

    I would strongly suggest you talk about what you are feeling to her to see if she understands. Even if you are unsure or afraid to tell her about this, you still should because I feel it will be a little selfish to make her stick around unaware of your feelings.

    If she doesn't understand, it will be better to just end the relationship because it might be harmful to the both of you in the long term. And if she does understand, then I would suggest giving this relationship a few more months to see if your feelings change.

    • Well when you tell her, there's a chance she might be devastated, but if I were her, I would be thankful for you being honest with me, because I value communication in a relationship, but I am not her, so I can't say how she will react. But still tell her.

      Also, you are not a shitty person for feeling this way. Your feelings are valid and sometimes it takes time for you to realise how you are feeling and that's okay. At least you didn't cheat right?

      I hope it turns out well.

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