Oops, I meant body fat percentage, not body weight percentage.
Yup, that's my dilemma. I absolutely believe you must accept someone as they are or not at all.
adding, "only if he loses weight" as an option was if he spontaneously chose to do it himself.
There is a phrase that goes "learn to love". If you truly love this guy, and he doesn't want to change, then you will have to learn to love everything about him including his physical appearance. I think your heart is in the right place. Listen to it and it will probably lead you in the right direction.
We met online and I fell in love with his personality. We have so much in common and he treats me like a real lady. No one has done that in so long.
And he's not bad looking at all. He has a wonderful smile. He is just quite big.
That's a tough situation. Has he mentioned his weight? If he has you can use that to help motivate him. Ask him to go for walks with you and suggest better choices. If he hasn't brought up his weight, then there isn't a good way to bring it up without it sounding like you won't like him if he doesn't lose any. Attraction does grow the more you know someone but if he is completely out of your type it may never happen.
We just started seeing each other so I'm not going to go there yet. We have both talked about how we come from European-American families where food is very important to our culture and we grew up eating a lot.
But, for example, we met in the city after work recently and his office is about 12 blocks from the restaurant. I would have walked. He took a cab.
In moments like that, you can express something like: "Oh its so nice out, lets walk. It will give us a chance to chat and hold hands" Appealing in both getting exercise and getting to spend time with you
Yes, we were just coming from our respective offices in different places.
But yes, I'm definitely going to be making those suggestions. Especially hiking and camping.
Good luck and I hope it works out for you
Thanks, we'll see! On the flip side he knows amazing restaurants. I have had more incredible gourmet food in the past couple weeks then I've had in my entire year. Lol
Scroll Down to Read Other Opinions
I don't mind him with clothes on. It's just the thought of seeing him naked I tend to shy away from. My ex was heavy and it was hard to get in the mood watching that giant belly swinging over the edge of the bed. I feel horrible even saying that because I'm no supermodel, either, but I'm not as big.
Don't be ashamed dear.You are not fat shaming them, you are just saying that its not your preference and sexually that's not attractive to you.
I feel like a hippocrite.
^^^ see what I did there? :D :D :D
I did 😅Noice
I'm not sure I feel that strongly about him yet but, yes, agreed
No because then he'd be all traumatized and messed up and that would be no good. PTSD.
He might not get pstd. Not everyone gets it.
Haha... The kidnap diet. Well I already have PTSD from my job.
Maybe just be honest with him and tell him he needs to lose weight do you can find him physically attractive.Make him join the gym. Only buy health food etc.If he buys unhealthy food and brings it home, throw it away.
First of all we're not living together. I wouldn't live with somebody because I have kids.Secondly, I know from experience trying to make people change doesn't work and they just resent you. Besides, isn't that the thing that men complain about most? That women try to change them?I would never throw away something that someone else purchased. That's just disrespectful. It's their money, not mine. I wouldn't make someone join the gym. You can't make anyone do anything.The only reason I'm saying this is for your education in the future because you're scaring me. Don't do this to women. Or anybody!Just because someone weighs too much, doesn't mean that you have the right to treat them like a child. It's the number one problem people who are overweight face. Other people don't take them seriously and assume that they know their business. You don't know his business. I don't know his business. Only he knows his business.
No, it's not about what I want. Jeez!It's about loving and accepting someone unconditionally for who they are.
I know. That's the problem. Overcoming MY hangup, not trying to change him.
But grown up. :F
well I better not see you on here complaining about how some woman's trying to change you
So are you
Cuz you're doing so well?
I'm just talking because you're talking. I want to see how long it's going to take before you stop. LOL
but also you're ignoring my real point which is you cannot force someone to change, and rhey will absolutely hate you for it.
For fuck sake, if everyone thought like you then nobody would be happy. It's your life, why do you care about other people? Crazy.
@OfDeath Kidnapping and torture is not cool to suggest to do. You need mental help.
@MysteriousDarkness are you going to pay for it?
@OfDeath Pay for what?
@MysteriousDarkness the mental help
@OfDeath For you no.
@MysteriousDarkness then shut up
@OfDeath What will happen if I don't?
@MysteriousDarkness you will look stupid
@OfDeath You think you are funny. You personally know about looking stupid
@MysteriousDarkness that's exactly what someone who is looking stupid would say.
I didn't say it. I typed it into a phone... you're not making a good case for yourself here...
Nice one trying to block me by the way.
There's some attraction, but I'm not in a hurry to rip his clothes off. Lol. But yeah, I'm wondering if I should break it off now and lose all the good things, or see if it works out in time and risk breaking his heart.But then, every relationship is a risk, and for all I know he could end up breaking my heart. Perhaps it's best not to overthink.
Well, what is the reason for him being overweight? Is he eating too much? Is he lazy? Is he hurting? People can become overweight for different reasons, but often, when it's anything but they are so busy that they have a hard time finding time to exercise, it causes one to lose attraction. Laziness is not attractive. Neither is eating all the time.
I don't know him well enough to say, but I guess it's the same for me being overweight. I'm not as big as he is but I could lose weight. We both have very busy, demanding careers and kids and houses to maintain and it's just really tough to find the time and motivation to exercise when you're absolutely drained from everything else.Plus, we both like food. He's taking me to some amazing gourmet restaurants. It's quite an experience.
So you want him to get in shape, but you aren't committed to doing the same?I mean you basically just confirmed that you should leave him with that first sentence. You don't know him well enough.
No, I'm saying that's how we both got to be this way. I'm slowly working on it. My job has finally improved so I'm not working nights and weekends all the time.
We just started dating. Why would I leave him for not knowing him well enough? That's stupid.
If you're just beginning to date then this shouldn't be an issue, but you said boyfriend.
I only have so many characters in the question text so it was easier to say "new boyfriend" then "guy I just recently started to date"
Sure, but you can't force someone else to do anything. You have to accept them for who they are and not try to change them. Isn't that what guys complain about all the time, that women try to change you?
Yep but I've seen the problem of ur perspective so i solve it from ur perspective
Just cuddle with him more kiss him more be more romantic together after some time ull be completely comfortable with him, i guess
I'm guessing 75 lbs?
Yes, I do intend to diet and exercise more