My new boyfriend is a super great guy but overweight. I want to be attracted to him physically but I'm not. Can attraction grow over time?

  • Yes, if you like them enough
    Vote A
  • No, not really
    Vote B
  • Only if he loses weight
    Vote C
  • I don't know
    Vote D
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Most Helpful Guy

  • You chose him how he is. You don't get to pick and choose the things you get to keep in a man and the things you get to change. If he WANTS to change, then he will, but it is his choice and NOBODY has the right to tell him to change for them. If you love him and want to be with him, then you need to understand that you get the bad qualities with the good. If you think you just can't handle it, then that's prerogative and you need to be honest with him.

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    • Yup, that's my dilemma. I absolutely believe you must accept someone as they are or not at all.

    • adding, "only if he loses weight" as an option was if he spontaneously chose to do it himself.

    • There is a phrase that goes "learn to love". If you truly love this guy, and he doesn't want to change, then you will have to learn to love everything about him including his physical appearance. I think your heart is in the right place. Listen to it and it will probably lead you in the right direction.

Most Helpful Girl

  • How did you get to be boyfriend and girlfriend if you don't find him attractive?

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    • We met online and I fell in love with his personality. We have so much in common and he treats me like a real lady. No one has done that in so long.

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    • Good luck and I hope it works out for you

    • Thanks, we'll see! On the flip side he knows amazing restaurants. I have had more incredible gourmet food in the past couple weeks then I've had in my entire year. Lol

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 23

  • Attraction does grow over time. Be sure to handle the topic of his weight sensitively. Maybe you can help change his diet by cooking healthly meals for/with him and maybe you can get him to exercise with you.

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  • You just stop thinking about it.
    Over exposure normalizes things, the more you see him/video chat, you'll start getting normalized with the size.

    If that doesn't happen then you need to step out before things turn too serious

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    • I don't mind him with clothes on. It's just the thought of seeing him naked I tend to shy away from. My ex was heavy and it was hard to get in the mood watching that giant belly swinging over the edge of the bed. I feel horrible even saying that because I'm no supermodel, either, but I'm not as big.

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    • ^^^ see what I did there? :D :D :D

    • I did 😅
      Noice

  • I suggest you have a few of your friends kidnap him and take him to a dark basement somewhere he can't get out and just force him to dig a huge hole all day and feed him a very minimal diet enough to keep him alive.

    Then when he is thin again, just knock him out and dump him back home.

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    • No because then he'd be all traumatized and messed up and that would be no good. PTSD.

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    • I didn't say it. I typed it into a phone... you're not making a good case for yourself here...

    • Nice one trying to block me by the way.

  • If y'all wanna be together till death do ya part then each should strive to be healthy for a long term commitment

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    • I'm not sure I feel that strongly about him yet but, yes, agreed

  • If you don't feel attracted to him whatsoever, then just end it with him.

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    • There's some attraction, but I'm not in a hurry to rip his clothes off. Lol.

      But yeah, I'm wondering if I should break it off now and lose all the good things, or see if it works out in time and risk breaking his heart.

      But then, every relationship is a risk, and for all I know he could end up breaking my heart. Perhaps it's best not to overthink.

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    • If you're just beginning to date then this shouldn't be an issue, but you said boyfriend.

    • I only have so many characters in the question text so it was easier to say "new boyfriend" then "guy I just recently started to date"

  • It very much can. I've never thought of myself as liking overweight girls and yet both of my girlfriends have been on the thicc side so... yeah it can certainly happen, though if it bothers you, there's no reason not to ask him if he'd be willing to try and get in shape.

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  • Well before you can be his boyfriend you have to be as friend if you can get him to walk 30 minutes a day for 30 days at a good pace he will start toning up very fast he can eat anything you want no sugars lots of water and walk 30 minutes a day for 30 days and watch the difference you see so how much is it worth to you you can walk within and tone up to

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  • Yes it can for me when i first meet a girl im attracted to I think she's pretty but over time when I get to know them better they become absolutely gorgeous. But you need both the personality and physical attraction at first overtime looks fade and you're left with the personality that's why you need both but its also a good way to ask him to exercise with you just a simple walk is all you need to start getting healthier say it's for your needs not his but you want to workout buddy

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  • Yup I'd say it's possible. I've been with people who I initially didn't find very attractive but as feelings develop somehow looks matter less. I'd still prefer someone who isn't overweight from an aesthetic and health perspective but it wouldn't be a deal breaker for me. Love sees not with the eyes, and all that.

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  • He should eat more Healthy and start with few Exercises like 2-3 pushups everyday then he adds every week a few more pushups and is slowly increasing his health and body shape

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    • Sure, but you can't force someone else to do anything. You have to accept them for who they are and not try to change them. Isn't that what guys complain about all the time, that women try to change you?

    • Yep but I've seen the problem of ur perspective so i solve it from ur perspective

    • Just cuddle with him more kiss him more be more romantic together after some time ull be completely comfortable with him, i guess

  • Only if he looses weight which he should anyway. I'm sick of hearing crap from fat girls crying about this same thing. They think men are some kind of bigots because they're not attracted to them. They could have accepted facts and dated fat guys but they want men that look good when they themselves do not. Pure bull shit.

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  • For me attraction actually grow over time (on personality not physically). as physically i don't really it will change over time.
    well maybe if you live long enough on deserted island without any male it will change.

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  • It can, but it's not dependent on how much you love them. Sometimes it just happens. Don't gage your love on whether or not you find him more attractive with time, because that's just not how it works

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  • To each their own. But I personally wouldn't date someone I'm not attracted to. There needs to be at least some kind of physical appreciation.

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  • @OfDeath Have not heard or read of someone using that comeback in years. I bet you said it while looking in the mirror and realized how true it is about yourself.

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  • Rather than accepting his obesity, you can motivate him to lose weight. Tell him to lift weights alongside cardio; not only will it decrease his body weight percentage (which will make his fat less noticeable) and provide an additional boost to his metabolism, the presence of muscle will raise his basal metabolic rate so more calories are being burned even at rest since muscles are metabolically expensive. His current state is objectively unhealthy, so you'd be doing him a favor. Novice lifters who are overweight apparently lose weight the fastest, from what I've gathered online. If you're worried about offending him, maybe rather than directly telling it to him, you could ask him to join you on work outs. Maybe he'll get into it on his own.

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    • Oops, I meant body fat percentage, not body weight percentage.

  • Hope your not expecting him to get into shape if you yourself are not

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  • maybe or he can diet

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  • yep it will grow time by time

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  • Yes, yes it can.

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What Girls Said 4

  • Depends on how shallow you are. Not like in a mean way, but it looks are very important to you then most likely no, you won’t. But if you are more attached to the emotional part than the physically, I would say you could over time.

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  • I really believe that if you're not super interested in someone from the start, it isn't going to work. I also don't think there's anything wrong with not being into someone because they're overweight. Personally, I might super athletic, so if someone isn't in shape, that likely means we have lifestyle differences that would make being together probably not all that satisfying for either one of us.

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  • Attraction is about so much more then physical appearance. When you like someone they become infinityl more attractive. A great personality can take a 4 and turn him into a 10.

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  • Yes, if you like them enough

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