Guys, would you date a girl who’s been abused by family and other people?

I've been psychologically, verbally, and physically abused by family and other people which include a guy 2 years older than me, “friends”, total strangers, etc

lots of guys I know can’t look past this stuff even the slightest. Their view/perspective about me is completely different once I share this part of my life with them. My one question is WHY can’t you look past it? It’s not like I just asked or just chose to be abused

if I told you my “life story” from start to finish including the abuse I’ve had and gone through, could you see past it? If yes, why? If no, why?

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Most Helpful Guy

  • First of all I hate that this has happened to you or anyone come to that. It's fucking sad... but to answer your question... I would find it hard to have sex knowing that if I put you in a certain position or said a certain something that it could easily remind you of your past which would be upsetting for you and obviously take you out of the zone

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    • If I could trust you, know you won’t abuse me, and feel comfortable around you, it shouldn’t show

    • I think it would always be in the back of your mind.. I would hope it wouldn't though

    • Again, if I can trust you and basically know you won’t hurt me, I don’t think you’d notice. The only way you’d notice is if something almost exactly identical to an abusive moment in my life were to happen again which is slim

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What Guys Said 19

  • Yes because you can’t control some of the stuff that happened to you. Even if you did make mistakes on some of them everyone had mistakes. For some reason I sometimes feel more attracted to girls that were hurt and abused then normal girls. The reason why is because I would want to show them how a women should be treated. Your a person and stuff happens. It’s not always your fault and even if it is forgiveness is the best way to cope with SOME problems.

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  • Yes, I'd look past it. Unless the aftermath of it and how it affected you began to affect me in a negative way. Then I'd have to go. I've stayed before, but it never ends well. It just becomes toxic.

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    • I wouldn’t let it affect you cuz it’s not your problems. They’re mine so they should just effect me

    • Then yeah I'd look past it

  • No. I've tried to a few times. But that ended in both sides being worse off than before.
    the weight of being a dumping ground for someone elses constant misery is too much. It broke me in ways i can't describe.
    When we split, i became just another person that was supposed to care and abandoned her.
    I wish you, and people like you, all the happiness in the world. But i value my own too much to sacrifice it for someone else. I refuse to take the risk.

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  • Yes Definitely because abuse isn't she choosed for herself it was just something that came her way and being a man it should be our Priority to help Her out rather than Just escape and its a Past maybe i Could help her make her Future Better something she dreamed of

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  • Sounds like a lot of work I'd have to go through, why not just find a girl that doesn't have emotional baggage

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    • Cuz dipshit, I didn’t choose to be abused. Just something I lived through

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    • You must of only hung out with girls that got abused then, cuz when it comes to girls that don't have baggage I don't have a problem

    • Actually no. I’m kinda a tomboy so I’ve really only hung around guys my whole life, ironically. I didn’t say I’m a boy, I said I’m a tomboy, there’s a difference here

      And if you can’t stand girls who have had an abusive past not by choice, that’s kinda sad tbh

  • Maybe it was too much to handle.
    Maybe they asked themselves 'what if I make it worse unknowingly?'

    Its hard to tell why the other guys left without knowing them.

    And for the question if I would leave I would need to hear the story first.

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    • I didn’t ask if you would leave the girl. I asked if you would date the girl if you heard about her abusive past, not present or future, but her PAST

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    • It would take me hours and hours and hours to explain almost 18 years of my life. I don’t have the patients for it cuz it’d be useless. Plus, abuse is abuse. There’s different ways of being abused but it all comes down to the person being abused regardless of how it was done

    • So if abuse is abuse, a rape victim acts the same way as someone who was always treated worse than his/her siblings? For example a brother gets to get his own room and personal space while the other one sleeps in the livingroom on the couch for his whole childhood and teenage years? I dont think so. Both is abuse but the degraded Brother/sister won't act like a rape victim, and neither does a rape victim act like a degraded brother/sister. So its not the same. Its way more dimentional than that.

      This is why my thesis still goes: unless you're not ready to give further details -and Im not asking you to, I simply say how it is- no stranger from the internet will be able to help you. They may SOUND like they can if you read other opinions. Maybe because they simply say what you want to hear in order to get this stupid MHO rating. But I won't do that crap. First of all I'll try to help.

  • Yes I could definitely date a girl like that. It's not her fault she has bad people around her like family.

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  • Yes I would, so I could take care of her and show her the real meaning of love, and stand up to anyone who tries to abuse her in any way.

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  • yes why not? if we know each other and i like her, it's still possible to erase the oast and to try building something new.

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  • I would date her if she interests me. Or at least become friends

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  • I could see past it cuz I would only be interested in how you are now and from now on

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  • Sure everyone could see past it if they really cared about you, if not then its a waste of time

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  • I'd probabily woukd to date with she! Abuse isn't a thing that she choose...

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  • I'd probably be more inclined towards an abused person than someone who hasn't been abused.

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    • Never heard a guy say this before. Usually I hear the “if you’ve been abused, you’re an abuser” line

    • I connect easier with victims than I do with "regular" people.

  • Yes.

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  • Yes of course

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  • Yes I would

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  • I did. It was a nightmare. Eventually, she started demonizing me because of her long list of abusive relationships. If I ever meet a woman who starts talking about her long history of abuse, I will run away as fast as I can!

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    • I can guarantee I am nowhere near the same

    • That is good!

  • Based on previous experience I have to say no. I dated a woman for two months, and I found out via social media that she was abused by her dad. I proceeded with caution anyways and really liked her. But as time went on, whenever she started to get depressed, she wouldn’t answer when I called or text, but would be posting on Twitter how her “trauma” made her life so miserable and that her friends didn’t care about her. She tried to make people feel bad for her, all while loathing in her own self pity. I felt bad because she didn’t trust me enough to open up. I broke up with her because every few weeks she had these pity parties locked up in her apartment away from people who cared about her. I know it’s never the victims fault and sometimes you can’t do anything to help ease the pain.

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    • Just cuz she was like that, you can’t assume I’m the same way. I don’t post my problems on social media cuz that draws attention and attention is the last thing I want when dealing with issues

      And I don’t have pity parties either, that’s just dumb. I’m also not the same as I was. I was abused by people at a young age and all the way till a few months ago when I started learning how to block it out more. I've also never tried to make people feel sympathetic towards me cuz why beg for it when you won’t get anything?

      So please don’t assume I’m the same way cuz you had one encounter with a girl kinda similar to me but nowhere near the same

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    • @wackywhiteboy exactly.

    • I didn’t assume that you are the same way at all. Everybody deals with things differently, and I was just stating that I couldn’t date someone who dealt with that because of a previous experience. Some people are stronger than others, and that goes for victims of abuse, and potential partners of the abused. Some people can be with someone who had traumatic event and others can’t. Just as long as you don’t shut someone out and make them feel helpless to what you’re going through, you’ll be fine. Victims of abuse are on a roller coaster of emotions and sometimes we don’t know what’s coming next, and we might be afraid that we say/ do the wrong thing if we don’t get let in.

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