I’m Torn, between two people, but I should choose one. I should choose both. How Should I Do that? Help?

Ok, so this is a complicated situation. And I need help from people that do not know me nor my story.
A year and a half ago I started dating my boyfriend, he was about to turn 24 , and I was 16.5! I know the age difference was crazy for both of us at the beginning and I didn’t think our relation ship would be so serious.
Around half a year after we were dating I decided to tell my parents, I was and still am a very good daughter (as much as it sounds cocky -it’s true), they made it very clear to me that they wanted us to split up- they most definitely did not approve of our relationship. Here is the only problem- I was in love. We had the most amazing relationship , he was so kind, he treated me so nicely and polite, and I always loved having him as company.
After the conversation I had with my parents I decided to break up with him. 3 weeks passed by and I was very sad.. my parents made me break up with him and I did not feel them support me through out the break up , so I got back together him. I understood my moms and dads concerns, but they were very closed off, they didn’t even want to meet him and see what he was like..
so we got back together without my parents knowing.. secretly dating for another 6 months. Until my mom figured it out. She was very very upset, and I was pretty upset at me too.. I love my mom , and I also love him. Why should I choose between?
She made me end it with him again. When I told him the news we both smiled at each other as if we knew that it’s too hard to pull us apart, we love each other, I’ve met his family, they are great people.
So noa we are still dating happily.
I feel torn between my parents and him.

Just saying- in my country our relationship IS legal. This may I’m 18 and this January he's turning 25.
What should I do about my parents? I’m lost. Any advice will help, thanks so much.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I was in almost this exact situation not that long ago. Since then I came to a serious realization. Being in love is not a good enough foundation for a relationship. The whole psychological aspect of being in love is an effect that lasts 18 months at most. When it wears off... you will begin to see all his flaws. There are few, nearly no relationships founded on a "being in love" that truly end well. Not that it can't be done... but it is a VERY risky relationship.

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    • I am not just in love with him.
      Our relationship is healthy, I see his flaws and accept them. I see his as a person first , then after as someone that I love.

    • I was too. I accepted all her flaws and we worked through any and every conflict. And accepting the flaws is another aspect of being in love/infatuated. You may or may not be able to accept his flaws once you lose the spark. That's why you must be careful. I won't tell you that you should pick your parents or your boyfriend... but just to be cautious and to ask yourself is this trait something you want for you and your family in the future? Not "is this something I can accept."

    • I understand where you are coming from. Thank you for your honesty !

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What Guys Said 6

  • You are old enough to make your own mistakes. Go with the boyfriend if its legal. Do not hold it against your parents, they just want the best for you. Explain that you are old enough to decide for yourself and that you love them. It doesn't have to be them or him.

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  • Arghhh that's so annoying when family interferes on our personal life. Honestly I would go for my partner but if your love for your family is getting in the way then get this straight... You can't be with him as long as they approve. Just get them to allow you to be with him.

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  • Time will heal this wound, and when you have kids, your parents will get over it fully.

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    • Well haha I’m not planning on having kids with him just yet.. we are still young. I am talking about a relationship that my parents are well aware of. Weather they like it or if it will take them time to get used to it :)

  • Choose who you fell for second. If the first one was good enough, you wouldn't have noticed the second

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    • I’m not quite sure I understand.. can you maybe please explain?

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    • Lol no, she has to choose between dating her boyfriend behind her parents back or breaking up with him for her parents. The choice is between parents or boyfriend.

    • Sorry. Didn't quite have the time to read this novel. My apologies

  • How you let you’re parents decide who you’re with lol smh

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  • Well don't choose then have both but disappoint your parents. Actually if they gave you thier blessing you would not be nearly as attracted to him. Now your so attracted cause it is somewhat naughty and bad. It give an excitement to the relationship. Spend a year together living and watch as without your parents the relationship with degrade.

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