Why am I always friend zoned/unable to get a date?

I've been talking to on average one new girl per day, getting a girl's number 2-3 times a week, and have had about 5 good female friends. However, every time I start to flirt with them, they get very uncomfortable around me, saying they only want me as a friend. I don't know if it's my appearance, and here are 2 pictures:
Why am I always friend zoned/unable to get a date?Why am I always friend zoned/unable to get a date?Also, one of my friends say that my suicidal depression seems to be a turn-off, but she admits in her confusion as to when I'm not having an anxiety/depressive episode, I'm one of the funniest and smartest people she knows personally. Perhaps is my mental issues prevalent when interacting with people one on one? Most of my friends don't know that I have this issue anyways, so I don't think so.

Another hypothesis as to why I can't get a girl is that apparently, I might have too few hobbies and interests, but I don't know the validity of this. As a Mechanical Engineering student in Waterloo, it's very hard to have more than a few hobbies and balance an 80 average. I used to have lots of hobbies before depression took it away. However, after depression hit, I was still able to retain my love for 3d printing, science, designing, business, stocks, and being sarcastically funny [assuming I'm not suicidal at the given moment. Otherwise, we can add dark humor to this list] :P

Another thing my friends have said is to continue improving myself, especially with the issues I have, but once again, I'm skeptical so I'm coming to the online community for advice. The main issue, and arguably the only issue, I'm plagued with is my anxiety/depression. However, I feel like I am making significant progress day by day. It's been months since my last attempt at my life and I've stopped cutting myself for the past 3 weeks. That's enormous progress if you ask me. But they say it's not enough. What's the online community's opinion?

But seriously, does it look like my depression is the only thing in the way or is there another hidden variable my friends and I missed?
  • Is the main culprit my depression / anxiety?
    Vote A
  • Is the main culprit my appearance / looks?
    Vote B
  • Is the main culprit my "desperation"?
    Vote C
  • Is the main culprit something else? [please specify in the comments]
    Vote D
  • Is it all just bad luck [statistically speaking, very unlikely, but possible]
    Vote E
Select age and gender to cast your vote:
I'm a GirlI'm a Guy


Most Helpful Girl

  • It's not your a bad guy or anything, i think it's due to the fact that you're indian. I dont think that's necessarily an excuse but i feel like because of the cultural differences women in the West have begun to associate Indian men with the creepy seeming ones many of us meet online, when in reality they only seem creepy because they grow up in a conservative culture where they are not taught how to deal with their sexual feelings properly and they watch movies and assume western women are easy and respect them less than women in their own country. Many women can recall recieving more than a few of these, i know that's not your fault and i wish you the best of luck regarding your search for a relationship and your struggle with mental health.

    • But honestly, what can I do to change it? I've been discriminated for much of my life for being Indian. People prank call me as tech support, when I go through airport security I have to be double checked by military officers, and I get flat out called ugly for my brown skin. Sorry, but your advice isn't helping too much, I really want advice that I can act on. If you have suggestions how to change my ethnicity, please share. I've had it with being Indian. That is one of the reasons for my mental condition at the moment- pressure from Asian parents and Western discrimination.

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    • @sciencenurd i understand, and I'm sorry it's that way. All you can do is keep looking forward and have faith things will get better, try to create a life for yourself and the right woman will come along eventually.

    • Raajk1995 you need to understand that there is almost no woman in the world who is going to randomly message talking about her sexual desires unless she
      1. Is fake
      2. Wants something from you

Most Helpful Guy

  • You are friend zones because you have above average looks, your depression will drain and repel others, and you try too hard. Flirting is an art, but a lot of how a girl perceives it is down to how you look, but also the energy of your self.

    My advice to you would be to never be desperate, remember that you are a prize that women earn, let them qualify themselves to you, not the other way around. Work on your depression and figure out the root cause. Often it's a combination of poor diet, negative unconscious thought, and a fixation on the past and future.

    If you learn how to live in the now, improve your diet and learn what your body needs, and begin strength training, you will feel better, and in turn your vibration will rise. When you aren't depressed, people are drawn to you, and they want to be around you. Your friend even mentioned this... that is the real you...

    When you talk to girls, avoid caring too much about the outcome, just have fun and be free. Maybe try reading some of Ekhart tolle's work, or listening to his audio in youtube. You will want to learn from his book ''Power of now''.

    Another thing to take into consideration is that a lot of guys have more luck with women as they get older. I get more interest from them now, than when I was your age. However, I prefer to be single because I don;t think they are worth the trouble... you may discover this for yourself in time.

    • Finally, an answer with legitimate advice, thank you.
      Also, some of my friends told me at the beginning of the year that I wasn't available enough for them and they were incredibly frustrated with me. So what is the right balance of availability?

    • If the friends that told you that were female, then don't listen to what they say, most of them do the opposite of what they say. If the friends that said that were male (doubt it), then take it on board. The right balance is when you are prioritizing your own life, and others earn the privilege of sharing your time.

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What Girls Said 1

What Guys Said 9

  • Well it's hard to say cause in India girls are have the habit to hide there feelings and also they like to have options. And the most important thing we boys are the reason who made them like this. No matter how the girl look there's almost 5-10 or maybe more boys are in the line to get that girl now what will girl do they made a new way to solve this problem and enjoy there life without thinking about boys feeling (they think that boy is not hurt by her step) and boys are always specially who love her. And the method is friend a friend (who also loves you) will spend money for her food and movies (cause boy will never let a girl to pay he thinks it will impress her) . But it not true girl have many friend (boy) for that so why she will care about you. Mean while she will concentrate on her career plus she is searching for a boy whom she will love. And as an mechanical engineer i can understand your feeling but we are the only who have manages to have two or more girl at a time so boy be proud of your self nevr loose hope in you and and don't try to hurt your self cry if you want to but don't try to die (crying is way more better to die). And follow your dreams try to enjoy college life. Rome in college search a girl whom you will love follow her let her know you love her just don't go and talk to her at first and try to learn the signals girl give to you. Youbhave female friends ask them about the signals girl give to boy when she like and love her and let them feel jealous who friendzoned you☺. And try to do meditation and do exercise to reduce your stress level.

    • Sorry there is some mistake in typing but ibhope you understand the message.

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    • Don't run for girls then if some get crush on you maybe they approach don't try to run for any to hurt your self and make you feel more depressed. And yes people who are making fun of you they are teacher for you they are teaching to not make fun of other (and we are diamond cause they have to go through tough process ) from which you are going so don't let them hurt you become more shining staying between them enjoy your life and let the girl come for you (maybe she haven't saw you who is for you).

    • And do what you like to do for yourself. Like you want to have good hairstyles then go for it. Want to look good choose good dresses ask your friends (girl) for help to get good dresses for you. And they will also help you to improve you more girls always help ask them they are also your friend don't tell them to impress girl just say them i want to look good so others can't make fun of me help me for that and for color don't worry color doesn't matter for girls heart matter.

  • Its never your mental state rather your confidence. I know guys who are on wheel chair and have sex with girls every weekend. First thing first. You in Waterloo just make dates in nice open environment like bowling alley where there isn't any Pressure on you. If you don't bowl this will be your new year resolution.

  • First few sentences are enough why are you not getting a date. And yes girls can sense the horny shit even through talking. If you think of anything that is sexual about them they will know it. And talking ti a new girl every day. Talk to one girl get to know her. And yes I guess you are indian. If you are indian. You need to have a job in order to get a girlfriend. No fucking girl is gonna look for a guy who is not gonna have job

    • Um... I don't even have as many sexual thoughts as the average man anyways, that's something depression has stolen from me. Also, I'm in university studying engineering, and every 4 months, I go and get a co-op job to cover my tuition and get work experience. I don't feel like you read the whole description.
      I kid you not, the last sexual thought I had was about 1 day ago. For most men I talk to, they say 2 hours ago, lol.

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    • Focus on full time job bro. That too with at least 30k then they will have the confidence to date you. Coz of indian standards. And even if you get a date. Don't think you will marry her. They may change thier mind any time..😂

    • But I'm in University for Engineering. Here is my weekly breakdown of hours:
      School: 35 hours
      Homework/studying: 35 hours
      Transportation/morning routine/other time wastes: 10 hours
      Sleeping: 56 hours
      Lunch/Dinner/Breakfast: 5 hours
      Therapy [read description for why]: 10
      Remaining Time left for social interaction/free time: ~10 hours
      I fail to understand where I'm going wrong, am I better off dropping out of university then? What do I do?
      Additionally, I do talk to only one girl at a time, my close friends. Within the 10 hours, I have free, I divide it as such: 6 hours with my close friends, and 4 hours meeting new people. Is it wrong to talk to more women to try to get a date?

  • Okay dude. I think I might relate to some extent. In my opinion, they sense something not manly in you. Like, you might be too desperate/submissive or too available or it might be another way you behave.

    • What would contribute to "desperation" or "submissive"?
      I always do what my friends say, and typically give my insight and see how I could do it better. For example:
      Friend A: Do you wanna go for dinner at 7 today?
      Me: I really don't prefer that as I was supposed to do homework for X class, but I could just reschedule that to fill in the free time I had on Friday, so sure! That'd work!
      Friend B: Could you help me for Finals, I don't know if I can pass without your help!
      Me: Sure. I'd prefer it if I just photocopied my notes and gave it to you, and assisted you here and there, but if that is what it will take to get you to pass, so be it!
      [And just today, I found out she passed with a 61%. YAY!]
      As for availability, I always agree to what the girl says, as even though I'm booked for about 150 hours of the week out of 160ish hours [read a comment I posted here, I describe my weekly hour breakdown], I always rearrange my schedule to fit her in, so I don't think lack of availability is the issue

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    • I've had my friends explain to me earlier this year that it was because I was unavailable that women had a hard time even getting to know me. The only reason why they were my friends is that they were in the same class as me. In fact, they told me it was frustrating af to deal with me to spend time with them because they needed a lot of help in their classes for tutoring. TBH, the only reason why they even sought me out was that they needed a smart free tutor, lol. But in return, they themselves said that I should make myself free.
      Given your statement, what should I do?

    • Yeah. Your friends talked about another thing which is lack of opportunities to get to know anyone because of no time. But once you get a number and start talking to a girl and she says "Thursday", you don't just reschedule all your plans to fit Thursday, but say you have no time on Thursday, but you are available Friday evening (or whatever fits you) for example. Work on your charisma because it attracts ladies. Be nice and respectful, but assertive at the same time. Also, looks are not the most important and they are surely not the main reason.

  • You look good bro! Try and manage your stress! To me it was praying to the Lord and He set me free! All the best to you, God Bless!

  • You're at least self aware... I don't think you're a bad person, just not what specific people look for.

    • Any advice though on what I could improve other than my mental condition? Anything on looks, approach, hobbies, humor, etc?

    • Show All
    • Ho boy... That was more than ten minutes...

    • The best exercise is to learn to be happy with yourself, and live with your own tastes and personality.

      Love is not about possession, it's about appreciation, and the minute you're able to appreciate yourself, the more you can appreciate others, and the easier it is for others to appreciate you.

  • Your friend is just giving you excuses when the matter of the fact is that its that you're Indian and your face

    • Trust me, i used to think like this and thats what girls who just didn't like my looks said lmaooo. You need to talk to some brown girls, do steroids get a shaped up beard and better hair cut. Though all of that can fail its worth a shot

    • I legit do talk to brown girls most of the time. Do you have any suggestions on how to change my skin color? People tend to discriminate against me and put me down for it, you're not the only one to point it out. But seriously, what can I do. I try as much as I can to do 100 jumping jacks a day, 30-40 pushups, 50-60 situps, and such every day, but I only have so much time as an engineer.
      I need real advice and what I can do and how to do it.

  • Girl play games.

  • mhmmm I don't know what do you think it is


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