I "cheated" but we weren't dating.. How do I fix it?

so one of my long time friends and I have recently been testing the waters to see if we can be more than friends. Over the course of our friendship we've made-out a few times but that was the extent of it. For the last month and a half we've been spending a LOT more time together 1 on 1 and have slept together twice and having sleep overs once a week. That being said there were never any rules established nor did we talk about how we felt about each other.

The other night we were out with a group of friends. I wanted to go home alone but he kept insisting he wanted to come with me even if that meant just sleeping next to me. I felt overwhelmed because i felt obligated to leave with him and declined, and instead went home with a mutual friend who I used to be intimate with. By morning he found out we had left together and deleted me on all social media and told me he regrets wasting time on me and that he doesn't want an apology he just wants me out of his life because i slept with his friend again.

Now, like i said there was no exclusivity established at all nor had we talked about even liking each other. i thought it was very casual, and was and still am interested in seeing where it goes but at a slower pace. Yet his actions seemed like those of someone who's significant other of years had just cheated on them. Now i'm wondering what you guys think. Was his reaction warranted? How do i go about talking to him and trying to at least maintain our friendship.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I am on your side here. In my opinion he’s the one that is in the wrong. From what you have said I couldn’t find anything that specifically asked you to remain loyal to him, you were NOT in a relationship, you were NOT exclusive and there were NO rules you were obliged to follow. Unless these rules are established you aren’t breaking them, there is no such thing as an implied rule, that’s ultimately ridiculous and shows a lack of communication.

    If he wants to shut you out, that is his problem. Eventually he might realize what he had done and avoid that happening again, perhaps this situation might clarify to him how important communication is and how he can’t expect things to just magically fall into place (hopefully).

    In my opinion you could try talking to him about it, (if you even can talk to him at all, without him acting out) and ask him why he didn’t make it clear he actually wanted an exclusive relationship, or at least solidify the fact that you were ‘dating in exclusivity’, or why he didn’t at least establish grounds for his feelings. He could not have expected you to ‘read’ it out from his actions, it’s a foolish thing to expect of a person that’s completely different from you. In the end assumption is a terribly easy mistake.

    Anyway, good luck!

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What Guys Said 4

  • I remember I was just about done with Community College and I've been talking to this girl where I was going to go the next semester. We talked about dating and agreed to be a couple when I started there. Just before classes started she told me she slept with someone and I knew him too. I never forgave her. I especially hated it when she tried to butter me up to try again at a relationship. Loyalty is a big thing for me and being betrayed like that I can never forgive.

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  • You don't, because you didn't "cheat," because you weren't dating.

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  • It’s over; his intentions were to be in a relationship with you. So, to him it’s as if you did cheat.

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  • Hoe x

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What Girls Said 2

  • Sometimes things, like excusivity, do not need to be said. You both knew you were on converging paths, yet you chose to veer off at a tangent with another guy.

    Sorry, but you did REALLY screw up. I doubt you will get to talk to him to even say hello! It seems to me that what you did might have been ever so slightly planned in the back of your mind.

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  • STOP PLAYING BULLSHIT LIKE THAT JUST FKING STOP. you can't LET HIM SLIDE IN YOUR DAMN PUSSY AND FRIENDZONE HIM AT THE SAME FKIN TIME. get your fkin life togather. go get F*ck friends instead

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