Is it wrong to break up with boyfriend who won't brush teeth at night or go to the dentist?

Hey everyone,
My boyfriend has not been to the dentist in 10 years. He claims due to lack of insurance and life circumstances he couldn't go in the past. Since I lived with him I found out he doesn't brush his teeth at night, and he doesn't floss. He only brushes 1 x a day in the morning (which I find a big turn off : ( When I ask him to brush his teeth at night he gets all upset and won't do it. I'm a dental assistant and when I got him in to the office I worked at, they found out he had 9 cavities and periodontal disease. The hygienist said she cleaned as much as she could, but he still needs a "deep cleaning" and should get his teeth cleaned every 3 months. This bothered me because I had hoped he would be in decent shape! Well, I made a dental appointment for him somewhere else that took his insurance. He missed that appointment, which bothered me. I let it slide since his work was very busy. (He works for himself as a contractor). So a few months later when things settled I started to suggest he make another appointment. He has not done it. The other night I didn't want to french kiss him. I told him if he wanted to be with me, he'd have to start making time to go the dentist. At this point he got very upset saying he doesn't like "ultimatums". I apologized and tried to move on, but the next day he was still irritated that I gave him an ultimatum. I couldn't take it, and we broke up. Now I can't believe I broke up with someone because they won't brush their teeth at night or see a dentist. I love him, but I see it only getting worse. Any suggestions here?
Updates:
Thank you all for your support. We broke up yesterday (Christmas Eve), so it's been especially hard. I know it's for the best though. 2018 will bring better opportunities!

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1215

Most Helpful Guy

  • perfectly fine in my opinion.
    if he wants to be stubborn and act like a mule then so be it. he will soon have his teeth look like the ones of a mule.
    I cannot believe these people, how hard is it to brush twice a day and visit dentist. Ok, not every 3 months, but 6 months, 8 months.
    My brother is the same kind of idiot like your dude.
    And trust me it's not about insurance or anything. He simply doesn't want to go. He barely washes his teeth at all. Fortunately denture is strong and thank god, breath is fresh (cannot understand how does that work). but even so, you expect that moment teeth will start to fall and you wonder what are these people thinking. Rather have screws in your jaw, than brushing.

    Don't feel sad for him. It's a serious thing, you cannot walk around with teeth falling off. you tried to help, asked him to make a habit out of brushing, he didn't.
    Fuck him for playing the ultimatum card.

    If he tries to correct himself and understand that you want his good then ok, if he however contacts to say you did not love him and play the victim card then tell him:
    it's disgusting and you expect me to put my tongue on food debris that's been there for months?

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I guess bad mouth hygiene is common for guys their age, my boyfriend hasn't been to the dentist in 5+ years. He doesn't have dental insurance but he does brush and use mouthwash often and sometimes flosses. I do that religiously since I used to have braces so I like taking care of my teeth.(Sometimes I'll floss in front of him and that gets him to do it too.) His wisdom tooth was bugging him recently and that got me to convince him to add him to my dental insurance. He finally agreed and has an appointment next month. I guess sometimes it takes pain for them to get a reality check.
    Hopefully your dude will come around and realize you were just looking out for him, and if he can't appreciate that, then he doesn't deserve you.

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    • Does your boyfriend brush morning and night?

    • He always brushes mornings, sometimes at night-like maybe 3 or 4 days of the week but I always brush morning and night. I try brushing around him so it can maybe "rub on him" to do the same, but I guess if you aren't used to it you won't do it until you realize a root canal costs $300+ and would like to keep your permanent teeth for as long as possible!

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 14

  • Maybe you should talk to him about how important it is that he brushes his teeth or tell him your moving on without him. He could be depressed
    is why he's not taking care of his teeth and other personal hygiene.

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  • Bad hygiene is disrespectful to you and it also shows a lack of self worth. There are a lot of excuses people use to dump someone but this is legit. Especially if you have given him a chance to understand that stank mouth is nasty!

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  • Dental caries is contagious. It's not like you're asking him to have perfect teeth, just to visit a dentist and use the insurance he's paying for. If he keeps down this path he's going to be in dentures pretty young, which isn't hot in the least.

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  • Health matters a lot. I would be so damned if a girl told me i smell bad or my mouth has a rotten smell.
    I should start brushing my teeth from now on.☺

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  • If there don't go to the dentist for legitimate reasons that's one thing, but I don't see anything wrong with ending a relationship with someone who won't take a minute of their day to make sure you don't feel like gagging when he leans in for a kiss

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  • I agree with what you did.
    What other aspects of his health is he willing to neglect would also be something to worry about.

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  • Hmmmm I mean I think it would be wrong if that was the only issue. But since he does have actual teeth issues and he won't compromise on just taking care of himself for you, I don't think it's wrong.

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  • Basic hygiene is standard. Dump him for not taking care of himself like a man should.

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  • If those are important issues to you. Then it's not a problem just make sure they know why

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  • If it's that bad for you and you couln't stand it, do it

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  • He's a pig. Dump his ass !

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  • Of course you need to dump him.

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  • I think it is grounds to break up with him. Considering how you work in a dental office, you know more than the average person. Plus if he doesn’t take care of his teeth, who knows what else he doesn’t/ won’t take care of. Let’s say you guys had a kid together, and he didn’t make sure they brushed their teeth too. The way I look at it, if he doesn’t care enough to take care of himself, he won’t care enough about the fact that you’re concerned about his health and want to change it.

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  • You done the right thing. I dont want to imagine the smell that came outof his mouth when you both kissed. Orhe went down on you iftou both did any of that. Yuck.

    Just move on, you'll find someone worthy of your health and happiness

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    • The opportunity is here...(Me)

      Grab your chance now...

What Girls Said 11

  • Well let me tell you. My ex did the same exact thing for the same reason. No insurance hadn’t been in over 10 years, but he did brush his teeth regularly and take care of himself hygiene wise. I got him to start flossing because apparently he didn’t know that was a huge part of brushing your teeth 🙄🙄🙄🙄 but you can only lead a horse to water you can’t make him drink

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  • It is fair grounds, if you prioritise health and he does not. You consider it unattractive the condition of his hygiene and that is fair grounds to want to avoid physical intimacy. (My ex used to smoke before kissing me (without brushing) and I didn’t like kissing ashes. He didn’t care. We broke up).

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  • The issue isn't you leaving him for his bad hygiene. The issue was that he wasn't willing to compromise or hear you out. Dental hygiene IS important. It forms part of basic needs. If he can't even give 2 fucks about his teeth then I don't see how he could care about important things. I think you dodged a bullet..

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  • "Now I can't believe I broke up with someone because they won't brush their teeth at night or see a dentist. "
    I can. This is basic hygiene. Nobody wants their mouth anywhere near such a dirty mouth. Gross.

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  • Hi there,
    I know what's done is done however, I think what happened might be for best. First of all hygiene is a big deal, and if someone's hygiene isn't up to par with what you like then that's already a deal breaker. But it's more than just hygiene, you work in the dental field. Obviously it's going to matter to you way more because oral hygiene is literally your career. That's basically like him not respecting what you do. Having been a dental assistant myself and having a dated a guy like that, it really is for the best. I hope 2018 brings you better joy <3

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  • It's not, he doesn't even care enough to brush hus teeth for you. I'm sorry I get the fear of dentist and everything but freaking brush your teeth.

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  • Hygiene is a massive thing and if he can't even take care of himself like that its not worth it.. You did the right thing girl!

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  • I wouls break up with him too. Its really digusting and i wouldn't be able to kiss him also

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  • Damn I know his breath is HOT. Personal hygiene is a deal breaker for me.

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  • He needs to go to dentist but that’s not something to break up with him over

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  • I can totally see your point.

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