Am I Paranoid Or Is He Just Not That Into Me?

I recently met a man online. (He is 49, I am 37). We emailed enough to establish we wanted to meet. We then exchanged phone numbers, personal emails, etc. We set up the first date and didn't really communicate until we met. First date: We met on a Friday and had a GREAT connection. We both were pleasantly surprised... great conversation and great chemistry. The 1 hr dinner turned into dinner and a movie and a great good night kiss. He said all the things I like to hear "you're so beautiful", "I could kiss you all night" yadda yadda... We immediately set up our next date for Tuesday. The next afternoon, I get a text asking if I can go out tonight too. Date 2: I happened to be available, so we went to watch a band and hang out at his house. Again a fantastic date! Good conversation, laughing, fun…etc. Chemistry was again awesome…great kissing! He then confirmed our date for Tuesday. And again… really no communication after the date except to confirm the next one. Date 3: We met for a movie, again had a great time, good chemistry and set up date #4. The next day, he cancels because he has to leave to go out of town for work on Friday instead of Monday. So, it’s now been 1 week since he canceled and I haven’t heard from him. This wouldn’t be a big deal but I emailed him a very short “Hope things are going well and you’re getting to enjoy the city” message and he has yet to respond. I know he has been on the online dating site because it shows he was active. And I know for sure he is actually out of town and wasn’t lying about that. So… I’m totally confused as to why he hasn’t contacted me when he clearly showed interest enough to ask for a 4th date. Am I being paranoid or is he just not that into me? And… if he isn’t interested, why wouldn’t he just text me “thanks but no thanks?”.


Most Helpful Girl

  • The being on the dating site still would bother me. But as for the rest - my boyfriend is a great guy - bad communicater. For whatever reason, he just expects me to know things sometimes. He gets wrapped up in work and forgets to call or text and yes has even forgotten dates.

    I get mad and give him what for and he feels bad, but the fact remains, he just gets side tracked and forgets. He's not trying to be hurtful or inconsiderate he just gets caught up in whatever he is doing and forgets.

    Is it right? No.

    Is it fair? No.

    it's just the way it is sometimes.

    the rest of the time he is a caring, loving, attentive mate. But on

    occasion he falls into the one track zone where he can only think of one thing at a time.

    In short - he just a guy. We love them in spite of their flaws and they love us in spite of ours.

    Give it a little time and him the beifit of the doubt.

    if he comes back, watch for signs of a pattern in this. If you get into a relationship you will need to let him know what you find as exeptable in a relationship as far as communication or lack there of. But for right now, just sit back and see what happenes


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What Guys Said 1

  • Why don't you try calling him during the evening or night when you don't expect him to be at work and ask him this question directly? Tell him that you have not heard from him in a week and ask him if you guys are having a 4th date. If you ask such a question on here people are going to theorize on millions of possible scenarios. It won't really help you to get anywhere and will probably make you feel more tensed and confused when your mind is considering all the new possibilities you hadn't thought of. Also you could try doing this at 1.5 week or the two week mark at most. Work gets in our way quite a bit and one week is usually the time period one needs to stay at work for it.

    Also the dating website login thing- It can possible mean a number of things. Maybe he was trying to send you a message on it but was cut short of time. Myabe he was bored for a few monutes. Maybe he accidentally logged on to it etc but then again don't fool yourself with it.


What Girls Said 6

  • It could be a million things. I've been there, and I know how much "limbo-land" sucks ass.

    Let's review the possibilities (and try your best to not worry yourself more than you already are):

    1.) He could have a girlfriend/wife/significant other. Did you notice any signs of this at his place?

    2.) It could be something as simple as him not having his phone on him, temporarily forgetting, it not being one of his priorities/etc.. Yes, it would be the RESPECTABLE or THOUGHTFUL thing to do, to call you and let you know what's up, but not every person (and not to be sexist, but especially not every man) thinks the way some of us women do. Also, it's been 3 dates, so despite the fact that you two have had a ton of fun, he may not feel it necessary to let you know what's up asap.

    3.) He could've simply lost interest. It happens all of the time and sometimes, for no apparent reason at all. I've had dates with plenty of awesome, fun men, and sometimes even though all of the great qualities are there, something important is missing. I've had it done to me after seemingly amazing dates. It just wasn't meant to be.

    4.) Did you sleep with him? Almost all of us have been there. It seems to good to be true. It just happens. But if it "just happens" with a sketchy dude, he could hit it and quit it. Sometimes they seem oh-so-genuine, but they're really just master manipulators, and after they get what they want, they're out of there faster than you can say "Wanna cuddle?"

    ...I've learned the hard way.

    I came online searching for answers last year when the exact same thing happened to me. The only thing that finally gave me peace was to straight out confront him. I say give it a few more days, and shoot him a message like "Hey, I understand if you're busy, just want to make sure everything's okay!"

    If you don't hear from him, he's a coward. If you do hear from him and he wants to set up another date, keep an eye out for similar behavior in the future.

    Best of luck! I hope it all works out for you (:

  • The dating world is just horrific. It sounds like you are really into this guy so I know it can't be easy for you to consider just walking away without knowing what is going on with this guy. From what you have told us here, I would be so freaking confused too! I mean it sounds like everything was going almost perfect. It sounds like things went a haywire when he had to up and leave town for work. It might be that whatever he was dealing with out of town in connection with work just has his full attention. A lot of men have more of a one-track thought process than women. Some of them focus harder on one thing at a time is what I should say. I don't want any men reading this and thinking I am being unfair - hence the placement of the words "a lot of" and "some". If he was on the online dating site it could have been just to check in on there really quick. I am giving him the benefit of the doubt because there are no apparent signs from the descriiption of your dates to indicate he's not interested. It could be that he's not showing much attention to his phone either so he may not even be checking messages if he's really wrapped up in work. How long has it been since you sent the email to him?

  • I am guessing he met someone when he was out of town or another chick has sparked his interest. The last three guys that I have been out with were similar to the dates that you just described. Then they vanish into thin air with no explanation what-so-ever. I am so thinking of becoming a lesbian lol!

    • LOL at your last sentence because I recently said the same thing! I said I was going to "switch teams" lol

  • The disappearing man act. It happens more than you think. A lot actually. Men sometimes live in the moment, well a lot of times actually. We think more into the future. It could be many things. He could be busy with work, he could have found a another woman interesting on the dating site. Also a guys timing is different than ours.

    A lot of guys don't think a thanks but no thanks is needed. A few dates does not mean commitment so they really don't think they owe you that.

    Sit tight and stay busy with your life and don't get all focused on one guy until he has shown he is willing to follow through and put in an effort. You may very well hear from him again. If and when you do, don't drill him, just roll with it and mirror his level of commitment. Act like you didn't even notice he was gone.

  • I was in a similar situation, I gave him a couple weeks while he was on a vacation trip in another state to reply to me to see how he's doing, if he still wants to go on another date when he comes back. I got no reply back. After 2 months went by he contacted me seeing how I'm doing, and if I want to go on that date. He never told me what happened while he was gone, I'm not sure if he was really gone. I asked him if he was dating while he was gone, and he said yes but nothing serious. I didn't go on another date because I think if your really interested in someone you would respond to them sooner. Knowing that he was dating others after me was a turn off also. Goodluck! I hope I helped :)

  • just wait a little men get cought up in there work see if he contacts you he's thinking I'm working away just be pationt let him wonder about you :)

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