I'm 52 and Only Had FWB's and Hook Ups Most of My Life. Am I Screwed if I Want a Relationship Now?

I'm 52 and I have been seeing a married man for the last 7 1/2 years. We went to high school and reunited in 2010 when he was in town for a visit. He lived out of town and I only saw him a few times a year. We fell in love and the plan was when my daughter graduated college he was going to leave his wife and I was going to move to his city. I was promiscuous until I got married when I was 24. I was young, attractive, and skinny. I could get any man I wanted. I didn't want to be tied down to one man at a young age. When I was 28 me and my daughter left him. Since I was busy raising her I didn't want a boyfriend. I was happy with fuck buddies. When she turned 12 I didn't want to set a bad example so I didn't date or sleep with anyone for 5 years until I met "John". He swept me off my feet and was the best sex I ever had. My daughter graduated last year and I have been trying to pin him down as to when he would be leaving his wife. He told me he wasn't. I pushed for a reason and he told me it was because of my past. I made the mistake of telling him everything about my past over the last 7 1/2 years and now he is using it against me. I have had several affairs with married men and hook ups. The only real relationship I had was with my ex husband for 4 years and "John". I was faithful to both of them. "John" asked me my number and I told him he was #49. I haven't had a hook up for almost 14 years. He had the nerve to tell me that for him to trade a woman ( his wife) who had only been with a few guys before him for someone like me with a "bad relationship resume" as he put it, would be a mistake. Have I just been called a slut? Is 49 a large number for a 52 year old woman who has been single most of her life? I feel horrible and used. I have gained a lot of weight since I had my daughter and I can't get it off. I weight 275lbs. Between that and my past I feel nobody will want me. Who is he to criticize my morals? He cheated on his wife with me. I never cheated on anyone.
Updates:
Oh, and I forgot to mention the asshole deleted and blocked me from all social media and on his phone.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Well, it sounds like you were played. He told you what he thought you wanted to hear, so he could have sex with you. but he's not going to leave his wife for you, because that's a known quantity. Your number is just an excuse. Welcome to the world of "the other woman".
    You need o ask yourself why you want him. For more regular sex? Go back to hooking up. You did it for years without qualms; it's still there. But if it's something else you're after, you waited a long time and let yourself go a long way off-market.
    At our age, there are three reasons to commit to a relationship.. Regular sex, companionship, and money. None of those is rendered more difficult by having a high number of partners.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I can see where you are coming from. I wish there was something I could tell you to help you but in my opinion that is not a high body count, especially if you have been involved in friends with benefits kind of things only or mostly rather than plenty of one night stands.
    This "John" as you call him seems like a complete jerk. I wouldn't talk to him no more after seeing what he told you and judges you while ignoring his own history. Move on and find someone better.

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    THIS IS NOT RELEVANT ANYMORE

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What Guys Said 17

  • Your past would not be an issue in any way. Anyone who responds like he did his far more likely to be cheating and be a jealous controlling type. He did you a favor. What I care about is how you treat me, nothing else. Your weight could be a hindrance as you mention but don't let anyone try to make you feel guilty over your life experiences.

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    • Hahaha, you covered it in one word. Asshole. Stop losing sleep over him!!! Think about yourself. That is what matters. He will just take you down.

  • If I met you, as soon as I found out you were in a relationship with a married man I would gather my things and leave. That makes you worse then a cheater. You helped someone cheat. That means your going to cheat on any guy your meet. It also just makes you a vile person. The rest of your dibble doesn't matter.

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  • Having sex with taken men would really deal braker for me. Even not technically cheating, but would clearly show different moral wiew than I have.

    But otherwise I can't really say. Too big age difference for me to identify.

    But what I've seen on internet, if someone promises to break up their husband/wife for you, they rarely do that.

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  • it may be difficult.. a lot of people our age have done the whole marriage or kids thing and those that are single tend to just want a few flings rather than a relationship. not saying you are out of luck but not as simple as it would seem on the surface

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  • To be honest with you, I would not consider you dateable because of the lack of stable relationships in your life as an adult. IMHO, you're as guilty as the married guy you cheated with since you knew he was married.

    I wouldn't say that you have no chance at a relationship, but the kind of man you would want to have a relationship with is going to have a very hard time looking past your lack of stable relationships, and, even if he could, do you have confidence that you can be in a stable, long-term relationship?

    That said, if you have stable employment with decent pay and can lose some weight, you might have a chance, but I think you'd also need some counseling.

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  • Well, you're absolutely right, he has no moral high ground, that's for sure.

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  • It doesn't matter your age or past. It's just a matter of finding someone and the right one. Can be hard at any age.

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  • Pretty much. You'll have to pay young men like me to get any duck now 😂

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  • You are screwed. You got tricked. You believe in the bullshit that guys like to pull when they are indecisive.

    A real man shouldn't leave his wife for another woman. If he does then he will leave you for the next woman too. A normal guy might leave his wife if he thinks his family is failing but it should not be for another woman.

    However, it 's not his entire fault. He is a guy. He likes young and fit women. You are old and fat. You need to put yourself back into marketable materials to have any hope of finding a proper guy.

    You are 50+. You are on the down turn of your age. Women either become fine wine at 50 or just a bottle of rotten vinegar by 50. The secret to it is energy.

    1st loose the weight. Eat less. 1 meal a day, no sugar, no sweets, no carbs and no snacks. Drink only water and nothing else.

    Remain fit. If you can't take care of yourself then no one else will.

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  • That's some past, I can imagine alcohol addiction plays a part in here some where.

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  • I would love to hear why you really thought anything different would happen. He is cheating on his wife that would also mean you if you got married. You have gained a lot of weight which is not a great sales tool for leaving his wife. And yes you have had a lot of lovers for 52 or not. Recent survey should that the average number of sex partners in USA id 3.5 per person. I forget the University but that was it. He asked you a question like girls ask men. (Am I pretty and the best girls you ahve ever had?) The truth is 'no' the correct answer is of course your beautiful and no one has ever been like you'. Your answer was that you were a virgin when you got married. But you gave away too much. Pointing out his faults does not help your case. get going and move on. I know its easy for me to say but you must do it for you.

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    • This is so tough on you but he is trying to move away. If he is such a asshole why would you want him?

  • I think you will have no problem finding a guy.

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  • wow I think you out did me

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  • Take me!!!

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  • fuck off take me!!

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  • ''I made the mistake of telling him everything about my past over the last 7 1/2 years''

    If telling him about your past was a mistake, then you are ashamed of your past and want to keep it quiet to avoid consequences. As long as you try to hide it, and continue lying, it will change the energy you put out and you will get nothing.

    If you are honest about it and the guy doesn't run a mile, then you can move on and spend the energy connecting.

    However, the problem is that your past tells a story of poor discernment, questionable morals, lack of self control, and low commitment. This is why you want to keep it a secret but it won't help you.

    Only accepting yourself and your past fully, being 100% honest and moving forward will give you a chance.

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  • No decent man will take a woman that destroyed another relationship (family). Helping someone cheat (being the mistress) is as bad as cheating.

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