Ex says I’m selfish for ending the relationship, what do you think? ?

I recently ended it with my boyfriend of 5 months because he wanted me to not eat meat at home and that it was the only criteria in marrying me. He’s Indian and I’m Chinese and he made me choose between eating vegetarian meals at home (I would be the one cooking it too) or end the relationship.

I chose to end the relationship because I felt it was very unfair to maintain a meat free home when we are both in an interracial relationship. He thinks I’m selfish that I chose my diet over love. I’m a big food lover as well and he thinks sacrificing meat isn’t a big thing.

He said I can eat meat outside and when we go out, but the marital home must be meat free. I love my meat and believed in equality, he thinks I’m selfish in my decision and is very upset. Honestly, in my mind it’s just not fair, I’ve sacrificed a lot food wise, such as can’t go for my favourite things like sushi etc and when we do go out to eat, I’m always veggie conscious because of him, but I know I miss enjoying food.

Do you think I’m selfish? He says if you love someone you would give it up.

What would you do?

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I believe that you did the right thing. He shouldn't push sacrifices on you they're more like threats. To put you in that position is very unfair of him and in my mind I don't believe it would end there. Just remember it is his choice that you are no longer together. It was your choice to not be pushed into a corner.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • No, you are not selfish. Your being realistic. YOu can't live by those standards, and that is just that. I'm sorry, but he acts too much alike a insecure girl/woman who thinks the same thing about guys concerning 'love': I can change him./ If he loves me, he'll change.

    He is no longer your problem, and he will just have to deal with it. What you two had was not LOVE. It was desperation and convienance. This is why you ask such personal questions as friends first if both people are interested in dating or possible marriage. And if you don't go by those rules, then at least on the first few dates. Otherwise, you will continue to go through these problems and having a unsuccessful dating life. You won't get the results you want and need. I know you've posted up about this issue before. But again, you have to learn that you can't focus on what you want but what you need. If your not personally willing to alter your diet habits, especailly for health reasons then you will be like this. This has to be your choice at the end of the day. You either regret it, chose to, or don't. If you do overall love somebody, then yeah, of course you would sacrifice things. But you need to make the right and moralistic sacrifices. At the end of the day, you have to have your priorities in order and know who you are as a person. Because it should not be like that at your age bracket.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 19

  • It's your life if you not happy, or you find the guy isn't adding value to your life or bringing you up. Then it's important to be selfish, you only have one life there is no point in having an average one!

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  • He is being ridiculous. Move on and find someone better. It good to draw lines and negotiate these matters before a relationship or very early on. My girlfriend and I agree early on to not ask each other to radically change diets in sure away. If I were to strongly push vegetarianism on her or ask her not to eat something like pork or shrimp she would leave me. She understands if the tables were flipped I would do the same

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  • So, he expected you to be vegetarian at home, and you refused, but he didn't expect you to be vegetarian outside the home and you did anyway?
    I think you were looking for a way out and you found it with his deal breaker so you could put it on him.

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  • Its unfair to ask such a thing. Whatever you may think I dont think he thought it through. I am Indian and love to cook non veg at home. If some girl would ever ask me to give that up, she can go to hell!

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  • He is a fuckwit you did the right thing.
    As I told you a few days ago you should never change just to please someone else and he can't tell you what you can and can't eat in your own home.
    It will be a sign of things to come with I'm trying to rule you and the fact the his parents would be living with you too.
    I know and understand it's a culture and beliefs with some people but you need to be happy.

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  • You just saved yourself a bunch of trouble really.
    Person of an intolerant culture like that, he was bound to make more backwards expectations of you in the future anyway.

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  • But he is the one that tried to choose a meet-free diet over the relationship, by placing a completely unnecessary and arbitrary prohibition.

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  • Anyone who forces their opinion onto anyone (wether it is religion or in your case vegetarianism etc) is not entitled to a reaction. You are not sellfish at all in my eyes

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  • Too bad his statement about if you love someone doesn't apply to him.

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  • He's selfish. Both of you should be able to eat what you want.

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  • No you’re not selfish. He is and controlling. Good riddance

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  • Well, that's kind of stupid. That's something you can ASK them, but not FORCE them. Drop his selfish ass.

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  • i'd keep meat, but it could be a cultural thing, I don't know

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  • Don't ever change for someone unless you really want to.

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  • he's selfish for expecting it. You done good

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  • He sounds like a huge control freak

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  • He needs a tall glass of man the fuck up

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  • I think that your relationship was not as strong as you thought it was. That was a pretty petty difference. If that was an issue, then you had no hope of staying together anyway... because when you get married, you will have problems that will make that one look like child's play... which it is...

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  • food seems like an odd reason to end the relationship but he's showing early signs or being overly dominating so it might not be a bad idea to end this when looking at this relationships long term prospects

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What Girls Said 8

  • in my opinion it isn't ok for him to demand you change your diet for him but he won't change his diet for you. Also what gives him the right to tell you what you can and can't eat in your own home? You aren't his child who he can boss around, that isn't how a relationship should work.

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  • “He thinks I’m selfish that I chose my diet over love.” He is the one who chose his diet over love. If he can’t overlook you eating what you want to eat in your house, then that’s his problem.

    You’re not selfish at all. If you’re love and connection is not more important to him than what you eat, then he doesn’t deserve you.

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  • I wouldn’t want to be with someone who controlled what I could and couldn’t eat either. Just because he won’t eat meat doesn’t mean you can’t either.

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  • NOWAY you are not the selfish one... this is coming from a 'once vegetarian.'

    The only thing id say would be justifiable would be him educating you on his reasons why he doesn't eat meat (i did a lot of that) but i never, not once ever tried to force others to follow my diet.

    Beliefs, no matter what category they fall into are very personal. I find it quiet controlling that you had to re-shape your eating habits to "prove your love to him."

    But honestly, i think you did the right thin, and can only wish in my past relationship's id been given this ultimatum... cause id have loved to see their faces when i choose a steak over them haha (not one person has been decent to me, it would have been a pretty rock star way for me to have ended things) :)

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  • Did you tell him he’s selfish for his unrealistic attitude.

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  • Definitely not. He soubds like an idiot, and you're better off without his selfish ass.

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  • You did the right thing. Good luck ❤

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  • Your ex is a dick
    Maybe you don't know yet BUT GIRL you have saved yourself from a poop person! Congratulations now go celebrate have a beer or smth and forget that faggot

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