Why do I always think negatively in my relationship?

I always see things in a bad way with my boyfriend. I always see it as he’s out to get me or hurt me (but he never is). I overthink everything and cause arguments because of it. I dislike being this way so much. I wish i could stop :/

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What Guys Said 1

  • I'm not really sure why, but I can tell you that it's something you should really try to work on. My ex-wife was like that. We had a good relationship in the beginning but she always looked at everything I said or did negatively, took compliments as criticism, etc. and I think that is probably the biggest reason we got divorced. It is not fun at all to be constantly accused of things falsely and to be told you don't care when you really do.

    Have you ever talked with a psychologist? One thing I know my ex-wife had was an anxiety disorder. I think there might have been other issues too but for the most part she refused treatment to address any of it and just blamed all the problems on me. I'll tell you from experience that doesn't work. I think I'm an exceptionally patient and tolerant guy, but there's a limit to how much anyone can take of that.

    Why do you think he's out to get you or hurt you? Do you have any real evidence of that or only things that could be interpreted many ways but you chose to interpret in the most negative possible way?

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    • No. I don’t have any real evidence he is out to get me/make me sad. He has said to me “it’s okay, i know you can think negatively sometimes. That’s not your fault, people made you this way (growing up, my brother was pretty physically and emotionally and mentally abusive. Then my first boyfriend was also abusive towards me). I think, that because there was always a mix between hot and cold from both of those people in my life, i have a hard time trusting when someone wants to be genuinely be kind to me.

What Girls Said 2

  • Anxiety! Plus our brains are prone to think negatively as a defense mechanism.

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  • You may have anxiety and you need to seek therapy to sort your issues out before they cause a strain in your relationship.

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