Is he being controlling or is this an over reaction on her part?

Ok so a close friend of mine is having trouble with her boyfriend and she asked me for advice.

Basically, they've been having issues, like today he was joking around saying he was going to another city but actually staying in the city they live in. She's gone home to family for Christmas, they haven't seen each other in over a week. He does this a lot when she's with family. She missed his phone call once cause she was busy with an essay and he got angry with her cause he thought she was accusing him off lying when she didn't get his notification that he called. That sort of thing. He's telling her that she's just paranoid jumping to conclusions but he' sends her a snap message that he's doing this thing, then send her a whatsapp message saying another. This has been going on for awhile. She does have anxiety which he know's. I think he does it cause he can , that he know's she'll come back to him regardless. She's very dependent on a guy. She has this turmoil in her head about threatening him, in case he lets her go. In previous relationships she's been the one to dump a person not the guy. I feel like this is a control thing


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  • I don't think I'd call it controlling, but my opinion based on what you've said is that they are not a good match. I have quite a bit of experience being in a relationship with a woman with anxiety problems and based on that I think what she needs is someone that's very stable and able to reassure her that things are OK. This guy's behavior sounds unstable and likely to raise her anxiety level, not lower it.

    I also personally think that any sort of dishonesty in a relationship is very bad. Regardless of whether she has any anxiety issues, giving her conflicting stories, at least one (and maybe both) of which are untrue is a red flag for me. I want an open and honest partner and that kind of thing would make me very concerned.

    • If not controlling would you say it was some kind of manipulation? He is extremely unstable, one minute he's telling her he loves her , to be safe etc. Then acts like this. I did wonder if he was just joking with the stories, but going over the top. I don't think they're compatible either, but I don't want to tell her to dump him cause I kinda like her myself and I think she know's

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    • So maybe now is a good time for her to forget about him and move on? Since you're interested in her, I'll just warn you that in my experience it's sometimes not easy dealing with a partner with anxiety but if you're stable yourself and usually calm and can be patient when she's worrying about things unnecessarily you could be good for her.

    • I think she will, i think he's a bully basically and that he likes t. He told her sister that he thinks she's ill, but her sister has seen the messages and so have I there is no way she is. I have anxiety issues to, but I know I could treat her a lot better then this guy

  • They both are bored with this relationship its just they are not realising it... it will never workout between them, its better to end this with mutual understanding.

    • I don't think they are bored with it, I know she isn't. Maybe he is I'm not sure. She does have anxiety. Why tell her he's doing going somewhere with friends, completely making it up when he's doing something else, just doesn't make sense. I feel it's cause she's spending time with family over the holidays - he has shown to be very needy. He tells her that he loves her and misses her then reacts all uncaring and dismissive five seconds later.

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    • I do believe her cause she's shown me screenshots of his conversations. And she's trying to be straight with him and he's just taking it as a joke

    • May be he is wrong or may be she is overreacting and may be both are wrong, you can never know unless you listen to both end.. it is possible that she is just showing his bad side and not revealing what she did to him.. its better they both end this cuz they are definitely not made for eachother.

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