Reason Enough To Dump Him?

I'll preface this by saying I question every emotion I have because I'm bipolar and know many things I feel are irrational. That being said, please don't scoff and tell me something is obvious because many times I'm unsure, which is why I ask.

I've been seeing a guy for almost 5 months. I really like him and when we're together, everything feels perfect. He treats me well, showers me with attention and affection, holds me constantly, etc.

However, in the five months we've been together, he's never taken me on a date, even though I've said I'd accept a $1.50 hot dog from Costco and a walk at the beach- I don't need anything expensive. I got him a thoughtful gift for Christmas and he didn't even so much as get me a card (honest to god, all I wanted was a card with something nice written in it and he didn't even do that). He rarely replies to texts, even though in person he's way more talkative than I am, and it's nearly impossible to get to spend time with him unless he feels like it and asks me (if I text asking if we can get together or go out, he'll leave me on read or say no most of the time). I know this will make people think I'm an idiot but I've also found hair ties and bobby pins in his bedroom, which he blamed on his male housemate.

As I said, when we're together, it's all perfect. Like if it carried on that way for long enough, he'd be the type I'd want to marry eventually, but if I'm not in front of his face it's hard to feel like I even exist.

Is it fair to feel like ending it would be better for me than holding out and hoping it'll get better? It's been five months (almost) so I don't know how much longer I need to wait for him to want to commit more.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I don't typically answer a question with a question but in this circumstance; if he's NEVER taken you on a date how did you evolve to becoming "together"?
    If I can be understood sweety... don't let him treat you like a toy. If you value yourself make him EARN your time. He has to COURT you for affection don't just give it to him just... because.

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    • Well we hang out but if we go out to dinner and stuff I don't like assuming he's going to pay for me so I'll usually toss money out to pay for my share (I'm not used to being taken care of) and he's never said he's taking me out (which would make me assume he's going to pay)

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    • Ah alrighty. Thank you!

    • You're welcome

Most Helpful Girl

  • hey there hunny, life isn't easy and when there are other issues to deal with its harder... i get that... when you say you are together he showers you with affection, attention, is very talkative, if i asked if his actions were of the more physical intimate relation and his talking was very much focused upon himself and what is going on for him rather than asking about your world would this ring any bells or not? xx

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    • He usually talks about life in general or himself but if I bring stuff up about myself he always seems interested and engages me in conversation

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    • For example, I've been asking if he'll go to dinner with me tomorrow night (I got gift cards so it's already paid for). I told him I'd drive, etc. I didn't get a straight answer so tonight I asked if he could spare some time (I haven't seen him since Christmas) and jokingly asked if I hadn't begged enough. He responded with "I honestly don't like begging" so I apologized because I didn't mean to be annoying. He hasn't read it so a while later I said goodnight, he read it and didn't respond. I know it's not a huge deal but stuff like that really hurts me, and I'm not sure if it should get to me like it does.

    • can you pm me?

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What Guys Said 7

  • Well I don't think you're an idiot. Everyone wants to feel something special and not it to just be an intimate connection. This sounds as if he gets the best of both worlds. The security of having you when he needs you and the doppelganger that can go out and be single. You need to be emotionally strong and tell him you expect more out of life and dump him. Find a guy that doesn't make you feel so one sided.

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  • Well, I can't speak for him, but I'm terrible at gift giving, mainly because it's awkward for me to even accept a gift. However, I'm getting better and will accept booze now at least. lol. Tell him if he won't buy one write one.

    You may or may not be overreacting about the hair stuff.

    I don't think its fair to end everything because of these things.

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  • Looks like he has someone else too, try taking him out for dinner at a place you decide. Talk to him more, make random visits. If all goes well then he is just someone who needs his own time.

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    • It's not rude to just show up unannounced? We've only been together for almost five months. It feels a little invasive.

    • Why not if you're dating? or just take a cake as a surprise ;)

  • It seems like he's not 100% into you. Someone who is will want to talk to you all the time and make time to be with you

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  • Leave I made the same mistake and I got to emotionally attached and it broke my heart in the end

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  • Pretty sure he really doesn't care for u I would say leave

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  • If anything I'd think he's gonna dump you soon

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