Should I stay away from dating until I know what I want?

I've recently dated a few girls with the idea of seeing how things go. But i end up getting heart broken because i tend to be laid back, maybe too much, and not take any initiative to steer things in a certain direction, casual or serious. The girls usually lose interest and move on. One girl i dated, i went into it knowing i didn't want anything serious just something casual. I was assertive and made moves on her at the right times. Whereas when i "see how things go" im not assertive and almost leave things up to her. But i suppose this also depends on what she wants aswell.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • You need to stay away from dating until you know exactly the reason why you have any business dating in the first place. Let alone what you really need in a partner. You need to learn to take things a little bit more slow and start off as friends first before you even think about trying to date somebody. That way you know who they are as people, you have an idea of what they're looking forward towards in the future. You will understand their intentions, and get to know their values, views, beliefs, principal, faith, Etc. Especially when it concerns about sex because not everybody believes in having sex before marriage, and forcing certain beliefs and values on people can be very devastating to a relationship and cause great misunderstanding. Things like politics, abortion, religion, children, family life is extremely important. These are often things that must be talked about in the very beginning before you even think about dating or within the first stages of dating before becoming official. And all the times people don't want to talk about the past and they history in fear of losing potential Partners which is the wrong thing to be concerning about. A lot of people that do this are often not serious partners and just want somebody who they can fool around and messes for the time being in hopes that it will become a lot more serious. This is why such matters concerning their relationships often fail because they don't prioritize these things. And often get with the wrong kind of Partners.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • You've got to have some input into any relationship, what you put in you'll get back. It's a two way thing, if you give her love, attention, respect and you put effort in then she will do the same for you. By being laid back, the girl may feel that your not interested in her, you have to take the initiative sometimes and steer the relationship in different directions to try new things and explore new things. Being heart broken means you truly got to love the person you was with. Build your confidence don't just 'see how things go' take an active role to see how exiting a relationship can be. Relationships are adventures, if you don't try then you will always fail

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Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 8

  • It's best if you do know what you want first I think. That way, you can hopefully avoid hurting others or stringing them along, and you yourself can find something you actually want.

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  • It certainly helps. I didn't date until I pretty much knew what I wanted in a partner and it was super beneficial for me. Still in my first relationship and our four year anniversary is in a month.

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  • No. Lay ground rules first. Tell them your personality up front. Anyone I date knows 2 things about me up front: I don't sleep around and I don't want to get married.

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  • I don't think you're ready for a relationship the way you're describing your style, so to speak.

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  • You could take a break for a while and figure yourself out and than try again

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  • While you are searching you won’t find any treasure. You have to somehow stumble across it.

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  • Sure. Just give it a break

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  • Just give a break.

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What Guys Said 6

  • Not really , this is how u learn, ull never get it right on the fist try, but u will atleat get an experience and learn, perfect dates usually end in divorces later on, but wen u have enough broken hearts and learn to live with it, thats wen u really find what u care about

    Like the tv series "how i met your mother"

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  • Women your age are probably in desperate search of a life partner to marry as soon as possible, which of course will cause them to pull away from you as soon as they realize your intentions not being as definite and serious.

    My suggestion would be to date younger in the meantime, or maybe a little older, someone who already had their share of relationships and isn't rushing into another one.

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  • At 30, girls would hope you are grown up and would not play games. By that age is pretty much a year or two and marriage. At that age people realize fairy tails and the soultmate thing is bs. At this point they are working and are living alone maybe in an apartment. They want somebody they can have sex without dating and hassle and hook to buy a house and probably have kids. They don't care that the significant other is everything they want they just want someone serious and stable who will go on with the big plans. Therefore girls will try you and leave you in fear they will waist time with you.

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  • You problebly should know what you want before you date

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  • Women like when you take charge. Even if you end up wrong take the charge. Dont be submissive.

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  • You sound like a candidate for a friends with benefits relationship

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    • Well i thought that with the last girl i was seeing. She wasn't relationship material but for some reason i started to see her as exactly that.

    • "If at first you don't succeed then try, try, try again!"

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