On a date site: how can I phrase "i want a best friend I can kiss, please dont call me sexy" without alienating those type of dudes?

I'm a 24 year old virgin by choice, primarily because some stuff back in high school left me freaked out about the prospect of sexual intimacy with an SO. I'm getting through it via time and therapy, and I think what is best for me is to go slow. I get really nervous if a guy casually tells me I'm "hot"/"sexy"/etc.

I think that language would be fine as the relationship develops, it'd feel safe. And anything physical is something that I can only see myself doing after months and months.

To be honest I would like it if potential dates just focused on me as a person.

I can't say all that up front, but I want to attract attention from guys who are compatible with going super slow and over time becoming a best friend I can make out with

I'd prefer especially to get feedback from people my age, but I'm new here and I don't know what the demographic is


Most Helpful Guy

  • Well that is rather difficult but those who portray in a way you don't like you can easily blow off.

    I think you can be pretty straight about it. If I called you sexy and you didn't like it (I never call a girl sexy unless I know her well) you could say that you prefer if I don't call you that because of past experiences but that you would like if I called you gorgeous or something. Like don't leave it with just saying you don't like it but open up other opportunities for him to compliment you. Or you can always say that you appreciate the compliment but that you prefer other words because of past traumas.

    There is not really an easy way.

    There are guys who will like to go slow. Me for example because I also had a relationship which made me feel unable to be with a woman again because our relationship ended very tragically.

    I for example can't have sex with anyone now and I need time for it to feel okay as well.

    • Thanks, I didn't think about leaving an opening. I really wish you the best too by the way

    • Those who can't understand don't take it to heart. There are guys that will understand and support you that I promise.

      It's good that you work on these traumas. I've been told that I should also. I'm just afraid what they will say. That girl was my everything and for me my soul mate. So to just meet someone new feels like betrayal and like she didn't mean anything.

      I need time. You are much further than me in progress. Currently I'm just focusing on career and my goals. Maybe the rest will be solved in the process.

Most Helpful Girl

  • Uhm i don't think anyone is willingly going into the friendzone

    • To me, friend zone = wouldn't have sexual attraction, but that's not the case here :X

    • A friend to get horny with but not fuck?

    • Maybe (re) read the description of my q?

Recommended Questions


Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 3

  • you litterally can't. this type of guy doesn't even read your shit. they just look at the picture and send you a dick pic xD that's how they are. i'm sorry on behalf of my gender...

    • you will attract the black sheep anyway so might as well optimize your text to be the most attractive to the guys you want. don't focus on what you don't want.

    • !! Thanks bro!!!

    • the typical "no fuck boys please" or "just looking for serious relationships" is mostly negatively loaded and a very common mistake. it shows a guy that you are kind of bitter and negative towards men and it repels the "good" guys from texting you. keep it bubbly, positive and humorous, that gets you the best ones in my opinion.

  • I am that guy who never said hot or sexy for a girl 😂😂😂😂😂,
    look it depends about your country culture but in all the cases I like the relationship going slowly so it can be better
    and never trust any guy who is trying to sleep with you fast as much as he can
    just try to find the right man if you couldn't try to visit new cities or spend time out of your city or your country

  • Damn nice, even I am looking for such a thing. TBH I think I would probably prefer faster than "super slow". But it should just be fine. It should be kinda like the movie " friends with benefits, right? (Like you are really good friends, and can makeout as well). I think the real reason this would be better than being in a relationship is because the stereotypes attached to it. Thus I would like to listen to how I could I attract such girls on similar medium.

    • Ah, friends with benefits is not my style, I should have specified!! I meant it in a way like how someone may say of their spouse "I married my best friend" 😰😖

What Girls Said 0

The only opinion from girls was selected the Most Helpful Opinion, but you can still contribute by sharing an opinion!

Recommended myTakes