How do I respond to this? What do I do?

So for some months I've been seeing this guy ( may or may not matter but I’m 18 and he’s just turned 26) and after the first time we hooked up recently he said he wanted to be serious with me, and asked what I wanted from him. I agreed with him and we said we’d be together and build something from there. Recently we got into a few arguments over trivial things. But then last week, after we came back from our last argument, he said he wasn’t ready for a relationship. Then tried the whole “oh but we’re still kind of together” and I cut it short and told him either we’re doing this or we’re not. He also couldn’t tell me what exactly he wasn’t ready for in the relationship we’d already started... so I’m assuming it’s commitment. But he said to give him some time and we’ll be together. Since, I’ve been trying to fall back from him because I feel led on but he’s still expecting the girlfriend treatment while not being with me anymore. Apparently we’re “talking”... My issue is that I’ve been through this and the first time I agreed and he was getting the whole girlfriend treatment just for me to figure out with the way he was that he was using me for sex and money. I don’t want the same thing to happen as well as I know not everyone is the same. I just want to know what exactly to do here. And if me distancing myself is just better so my feelings don’t get hurt.
So someone said at this point, I should give an ultimatum and not settle for anything less than what IM ready for if he can think of himself here I should as well.


Most Helpful Guy

  • I think it's right of you to distance yourself until he figures out what he wants. As for the commitment thing, I don't think that's what's scaring him. Everyone is always so ready to receive the benefits of a relationship that they ignore how much work has to be put into it. These trivial arguments are an example of where you both need to work in your relationship. When faced with a problem and no solution, a guy can be easily discouraged from wanting to continue a relationship. He's trying to have the good parts without dealing with any of the bad parts. Tough cookies for him.

    • Hm, I thought abou it but I figured different. The issues that we have aren’t ones without solutions is my thing. But it’s true, his main issue is, he doesn’t want there to be any problems. Our arguments are conversations turned arguments because he gets angry at the fact that whatever I ask him about isn’t worthy of a conversation to him.

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    • No, it’s not repeated things. I mean in his defense they’re not big things. I just prefer to ask about the small things so they don’t escalate and turn into something we can’t come back from.

    • Then he's being lazy. It doesn't matter if the topic isn't important to him. It's important to you and that's enough reason.

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What Guys Said 4

  • Sounds to me like you just wants to date and not get too serious what you do is this date on a casual thing but I also wouldn't use him as in it is it only dating partner

    • Thank you

    • I would think that if you like you'd be you express his feelings to you or let you know

  • That means he wants you when he wants you and forget the rest of the time he's only committed to himself and the things that he wants you need to take a good look at the picture step back and figure out what you want if it was me personally I would say see Ya

  • Sounds like he was trying the classic "maybe she will stop arguing with me if I threaten to end the relationship" tactic, but wasn't prepared for you to not break into tears and ask for forgiveness. I would say to stay on the path of distancing yourself as much as you think is necessary.

  • The same ting is happening again, the only difference is that you have the opportunity to learn from it already happening before.


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