Is it necessary to define our relationship? If so, when is the appropriate time?

I have been seeing a guy and talking to him for a month or so. We have been on 4 dates so far but we have not talked about what we are. Neither did the subject come up about what we wanted (hookup or looking for long term).
He hasn't said anything clear to indicate he likes me nor did I. But every chance we get to hangout, we do (he studies and I work full time so our schedule only allows us to see eachother about once a week but we do text a little in between dates).

So basically we are going with the flow. It is clear he likes my company and I do too.
Is it necessary to have the girlfriend/boyfriend talk or should I wait a little longer?

Even though I am 24 (he is 28) it would be my first official relationship so I guess I have no idea how to even approach the subject with him without screwing up what we have going on. Any suggestions on how to bring it up casually?

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Most Helpful Guy

  • If you feel a need to clarify what you each want out of the relationship, then yes, bring up the topic. But if you don't feel a need to know at this point, waiting a while longer if fine. There are some advantages in waiting, as it lets things go in a more natural way. But if sex is right around the corner, it's best to get some clarity before that.

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    • Why is it best to clarify it before having sex?

    • Show All
    • Relationships and understanding them is a process, and it takes time to learn. Be nice to yourself, appreciate it when you make wise decisions, and forgive yourself when making not such wise decisions. Even those who have learned a lot, are still learning.

    • Words of wisdom.
      Thank you :)

Most Helpful Girl

  • I would just be upfront and ask what he's looking for! You could just say "Hey so I'm just wondering where we are going with this. Are you looking for a relationship or is that not a main concern for you right now?"
    Men like upfront woman and maybe he feels the same! On the other hand, don't continue to pester him if he doesn't give a straight answer - he probably doesn't want a relationship then! For your sake, I would figure it out before you start developing deeper feelings and find yourself feeling stuck and confused. Hopes this helps!

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 5

  • I think you need to talk about your goals first (is he interested in a long term relationship?) Just talk about it! 4 dates is not a long time by any means. Give it some time

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    • And going off this, talk about life goals in general. Does you share goals and values, and does he seem like someone you'd want to be around long term? Your relationship is still young. I'd say go with the flow for a while.
      Since this is your first relationship, it'll be tough to figure out what you want in one. And in general, relationships are messy. No one really knows what they're doing, everyone messes up. So I guess I can say, go with it and try to find what you want.
      Best of luck!

    • Thank you!
      Very helpful :)

  • Had sex yet?

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    • Kissing and fooling around but not full blown sex, no.

    • Okay, the reason I asked was because if you had, it may be time to gave the what are we talk. I'd go with the flow for now.

  • Who cares what people think? Set yourselves free. Stop listening.

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  • Before date #2 seems like a good time

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  • It's not necessary; it depends on what you want individually.

    People are unique, and there is no rule that you should label yourselves with a template based on what other people do.

    But if you find a clear structure helpful, go for it. I don't think there is a right or wrong way to bring it up. You know him better than we do, so you probably have a better idea of how he'd react.

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What Girls Said 1

  • You have to be honest and ask to see if he sees what you have going anywhere. It’s not an easy subject but it helps your mind in the end to see what exact you guys are.

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