I get insecure in my relationship when pretty girls are around?

I have been with my boyfriend for 1.5 years. Whenever we go to parties, or out with friends, i get really jealous and insecure. My friends are really pretty girls, and so are friends of friend’s. I worry that my boyfriend will think “Wow, that girl is really pretty. I wonder what it would be like to date her”. Or, maybe he will have a little crush on them. Also, a lot of my friends are Latina, and my boyfriend is Latino. I am always afraid they will all speak in Spanish and leave me out. Or, that my boyfriend will be like “oh, she’s Latina AND pretty” and he will leave me.

I think i am an average looking girl, but, in comparison to these girls i am not as beautiful :/ or I’m not as funny or outgoing or new and exciting.

We are going to an NYE party tonight. And my friend is bringing her cousin, and i saw pictures of her and she is soooo beautiful. I am worried my boyfriend will talk to her and add her on Instagram (he usually adds all people he meets) :/

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Sometimes it's just our imagination and sometimes it's our sixth sense. we just know things before we know them. if you have any doubt you need to talk to him about it because otherwise it'll eat you up, and once you start accusing somebody things go downhill from there, my suggestion is you're with the person you like, the person and you're together, if he changes changes his mind you'll know it. could you imagine living the rest of your the life like the way you're living it right now that I sure couldn't love sucks sometimes but you have to trust and respect and if you get hurt the amount of pain you feel is the amount of time that you know is going to happen

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    • I have brought up to him how i feel he likes my one friend :/ just the way he is around her. She once asked him “where do you live?” And he goes “why? You want to visit me?” And i got so jealous. Maybe that is just a joke, but it felt like it was flirtatious to me. I would never say that to his friends. But yeah, he just adopts this new attitude when he’s around her. :/ he told me “i don’t like her. i see her as a friend too”. Which, i don’t believe :(

Most Helpful Girl

  • Improve your looks.

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    • I can really change bone structure lol...

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What Guys Said 21

  • I've dated girls who have had hotter friends.
    You'll never be the hottest person in the room.

    You have to trust that you're bringing a level of closeness that none of those other girls are.

    He WILL notice other hotter girls, if he is anything like me, but its like... pretty girls are so nice to look at, but that doesn't mean he'd actually do anything you know?

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    • Yes. I guess so. But, we see these girls when we go out to parties and events. (Not too often, maybe once every month, or every few months). So, there is some familiarity. At the parties, other guys tend to notice me and sometimes make moves on me (even knowing I have a bf). I am worried that my boyfriend will do that, or other girls will do it to him too :/ he is a cute guy. But, i haven’t really even seen the girls talk to my boyfriend that much.

  • I like to think that when your with someone that loves you, which is always more personality /over time/ then the initial looks and attraction... the right personality, smile, and lets say playfullness as an example trait become much more a part of their "looks" then just being beautiful. Anyway, when that petson loves you your worth to them isn't easily shaken. Your description of your boyfriend hinted at his personality. A lot of us grow up needing to learn how to take care if ourselves so we can be ourselves in relationships and not let fear... insecurity... and it shows up it so many other ways, bring us down and keep us from sharing who we really are with our partner. Keeping your friends in you life and their support is a good way of helping yourself feel secure. When it becomes all about you partners interest, and your not taking time to do things on your own with your friends, too much of your security is out of your hands, insecurity can set in easily, and with that fear you may withdraw, act differently, worry... so instead of being the fun person perhaps he met, she got lost in the fear... and if he leaves... its likely because on some level he's just still looking for someone like that... like you. Just relax. Take care of yourself. Talk about this stuff with your close friends... or parents even. Someone you trust with these feelings. Even on here. Unloading your fears on him expecting him to fix them isn't a good idea.. and that level of intimacy in a partnership takes a while to grow. Think about how you were soending yoyr time when you met him.

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  • Stop worrying. Your boyfriend is probably thrilled that you are NOT Latino. There will always be pretty women around. He's been with you for a year and a half. He's not going to give that up just because he sees a pretty face.

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    • But, what if he falls for my one friend, who is both pretty and fun? We hangout with her a few times a month (or every few months). She is the same age as my boyfriend. Plus, she is confident and secure, and so many guys like her - even taken men :(
      I am most insecure about THIS friend :/ she is also Latina, and my boyfriend and i have met her aunt (her aunt likes my boyfriend a lot because he’s Latino and speaks Spanish).

      I feel so insecure. Ugh. I know i am being stupid, but it scares me so much.

    • There are no guarantees in life or love. Anyone can leave a relationship at any time. But there's nothing you can do to prevent this. You just have to accept it, and think that if he leaves you, he wasn't the right guy, and you will meet another.

      There is something you can do to cause it: you can constantly badger him about whether he likes another girl better than you.

  • If he really has feelings for you in the relationship he'll stay by your side every step of the way but if you're not sure how he feels about you ask him, don't put yourself through the pain wondering if he still likes you

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    • I just hate how with one friend, he can sometimes be flirty with her. Like, she once asked where he lived (she wanted to know the distance i drive to pick him up) and he responded with “why? You want to come visit me?” And i got extremely jealous about that. I felt really hurt. I just wouldn’t say hat to his friends. Also, he always looks at her and smiles and tries to joke around with her. It makes me feel bad inside. I think he likes her. I just have a feeling inside :(

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    • We will see her tonight. So, i think I’m going to watch how he interacts with her. If it makes me feel uncomfortable, I’m going to leave him. My friend, she has a boyfriend she sees on and off (they’ve been together for 4 years). But, this is just why i am afraid to bring guys i date around my friends. I am afraid they will fall for my friends (my ex tried to cheat on me with a mutual friend) :/

    • Yeah I know what you mean and the guys you date mightnt always be the right one for you but I believe you'll find someone who will give you the respect you deserve and that's terrible you shouldn't have to be treated like that

  • There’s not much you can do; if he is going to leave you, he’s going to leave you. Focus on the present and enjoy the moment. What makes you think these girls would want your boyfriend?

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    • Because he is dark, tall and handsome. He is nice too, and can be funny. He is a good looking person. I like him, i don’t see why other women wouldn’t :/

    • You might see him as that; others may not. Enjoy the party; remember, he’s with you

    • So he chose you

  • Insecurities In the first few weeks, maybe first two months is quite cute, but the novelty wares off very quickly. If your insecure whenever girls are around that you judge to be hotter than you he will pick up on it and it will make him feel you don't trust him as your partner to be faithful. Guys like it when their S/O trusts them and when you get insecure and freak out. It won't do your relationship any justice in the long run

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  • Don't assume that because your boyfriend is Latino that he'll leave you for another Latina. Remember, he had a choice to go out with any girl and specifically chose you. So there is obviously something about YOU that attracted him to you in the first place. Do you remember some of the things he said he liked about you when you began dating a year-and-a-half ago? When you guys are alone try asking him playfully "What are some of thing you like about me?". Hopefully he'll give specific answers that will give you that re-assurance and confidence you're looking for about your relationship with him.

    Secondly, there is nothing wrong with your significant other having a crush on someone so long as they don't act on that crush. This means your significant other shouldn't be in constant correspondence with that person (texting, hanging out, calling, messaging on social media, etc.) if it's been established that they have a crush on that person. Hopefully he doesn't have a "wandering eye" as that can spell trouble. And if he spends a lot of time flirting with other girls then you should have an honest talk with him to tell him how it makes you feel. But if he is just socializing at social gatherings then there is nothing wrong with that.

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  • You can't hide him in the closet every time you see a beautiful woman.

    He's either the type of guy to love and be faithful to you until, A he dies. or B he breaks up with you because of a problem between you and him.
    In which case you should learn to trust him.

    Or he's the type of guy who is always checking out the grass on the other side of the fence.

    In which case the sooner he leaves you the better.

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  • You shouldn't be worried, you've beeen together a year and a half, he's stayed that long because he is commited to the relationship, if he was interested in other women, he would have left and home with them, he's there to be with you, and to keep you happy, not to make u jealous, you shouldn't worry, i think the relationship is gonna last a long time

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    • Turns out he was cheating on me.

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    • It’s okay. I always had a feeling he wasn’t the type to be faithful. And, I was right.

    • Well im still sorry

  • Don't if he's serious about you, you have nothing to worry about. Not that I support cheating in any way but humans have needs whether emotional or physical so don't give him a reason to look elsewhere. "Never let your man leave your house horny or hungry!"

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  • You do realize he's dating you for a reason? Seriously speaking he might think they're pretty but as soon as he isn't around them out looking in a different direction he'll forget especially if he looks at you

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  • Yeah, I agree with above honestly.
    There will be some point where the guy will stumble across these kind of girls. Your boyfriend will notice, but if he has no reason to cheat, you should be perfectly fine. If he is truly a man who is loyal to his woman, he will control the urges to go off and do something wirh them.
    He has to also think about if he wants to go out and do stuff with them, that he is leaving behind a girl that already loves him. That scares me personally because if I was in that position, I would be taking a total shot in the dark and wouldn't know if this girl isn't a total bitch or something. I wouldn't take that chance. Thats why I'm much more comfortable being with my current girlfriend and keeping in mind that every "eye candy" that walks by, I know I won't get the same level of relationship with this girl compared to my current girlfriend.

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  • How often are you with those people. If what you are paranoid about is true, then he probably would be with one of your friends already.

    He dates you because you of who you are. Don't let paranoia ruin your relationship!

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  • This is a personal issue. Your boyfriend is probably totally innocent. The only real advice I can give is that it's not that you aren't beautiful, you just aren't your type. :D

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  • In my case, beauty does a minor thing regarding attraction. I'd have to get to know the girl first before even thinking about dating her if I was available then.

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  • a lot of people get jealous but in the end you know why and how you get jealous so you win now you just have to overcome it

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  • Talk to a therapist. You're at risk of ruining your relationship and your life for no reason.

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  • Tbh u could end up pushing him away by being jealous but if he loves u he will understand

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  • everyone does

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  • You already know why you are insecure

    ''I’m not as funny or outgoing or new and exciting.''

    So basically, you don't feel you have much of a personality so other girls that have one are a threat. In order to solve this issue, you just need to develop one and work on becoming more interesting.

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    • I also don’t think i am as pretty as other girls either :/ also, my boyfriend is different with different people. Sometimes, he is nicer to other people than he is me when we go out. Sometimes he just “forgets” about my happiness and tries to please others. :(

    • You feel as pretty as you feel... in other words when you are secure within, you will feel more attractive regardless of looks.

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