My ex and I were off and on for a year and a half. He’s the most interesting guy I’ve ever met. He’s not like normal. He has like a dark mysterious aura around him and everything about him was intense. But it was kind of like a good thing cus everything we did together every time we kissed or touched it was really heated. But to me it wasn’t just physical. I feel like I have something emotionally with him that I won’t be able to find with anyone again. It’s almost been a year. And usually he comes back to me by now but he hasn’t. At this point I can’t tell if I want him to just because I made promises to him and thought I would love him forever or because I actually want him back. I’ve now met this amazing guy, and I’m shying out of a relationship with him. I’m now terrified of commitment (which was all I wanted from the other guy) I can’t even get myself to kiss this guy for the fear of feeling guilty. I also don’t feel like I’ll ever have that dark intense emotional connection with someone like I had the first time. This new guy is simple and kind and doesn’t treat me the way this other guy did but it’s so weird to me I don’t know if I like it. If I tell this guy I wanna be with him I don’t know if I mean it I don’t know if it will last. And I don’t like risking our new friendship to try it out. But am I crazy to wait for my first boyfriend forever when he may never come back?