Date REJECTED me after sex? Feel so sad?

I have been texting this guy for the past 2 months, a mutual friend set us up. We planned a double date on Friday to go to a club with my friend and her boyfriend.

I got kind of drunk, and sort of wasn't being myself. I was nervous and was sort of acting uninterested at first because I have no experience in dating and have just came out of a 5 year relationship (6 months ago) . And because I wasn't sure what to chat about with him because we had talked SO much via text.

When we got home, I decided that he is kind of nice and I would see him again. And we had sex, he said to me that he liked me and thought I was 'lovely'. He told my friend this too the day afterwards. (oh and he also told my friend and her boyfriend that we had sex, which is kind of disrespectful)

Then the next day we briefly chatted and said it was a fun night. Then I asked what his plans were for NYE and got no response. My friend said I should maybe say sorry as I was kind of drunk at the club and maybe that was why.. So, I did and I said I was sort of nervous to him.

Then he replies saying that he thinks I am really nice, and nice to get to know me. but his head isn't in the right place for a relationship right now.

Like.. I am just kind of hurt as if I have been used. We were texting for 2 months and he seemed like such a great person, a lot in common.. He is 25, I am 21.

I feel so upset. :(

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I understand you're going through a lot of pain right now. This man was a tool, I'm sorry to say. I dated my ex for 11 months before we had sex, she was a virgin. She even asked a few times and I declined, wanted to wait for a more special moment. If a guy wants you, he won't try and have sex with you cause he wants you to know thats not all he's after. Go out and try with another guy. Date and talk to new people. Or what makes me feel better (currently 2 weeks since i seperated from my ex) is working on myself. Tonight I was feeling bad and did 91 pushups and felt great afterwards. I know what you mean by texted so much you had nothing to talk about... 50% of my 2 year relationship was texting and i was mostly quiet in person and she hated that about me... i was most of the time just listening to her which i liked... you'll get through this. You learned so much from this, the pain is a learning experience if you want to look on the bright side of things. you're going to meet so many men who are better than him ten fold... i promise.

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    • Thanks. I just don't understand why he was saying to my friend he liked me the next day and giving the wrong impression. Then he texts me and ignores me :( I am so disappointed

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    • Add me on snapchat and we can message there then... no pics or anything lol, I don't know y but i just feel like talking to you bout this n helpin out more. Jsbvette is name on there.

    • I have kik?

Most Helpful Girl

  • I'm sorry he behaved that way. I'm not entirely sure why he did it, because talking to someone for 2 months just for a one night stand seems like a bit of a stretch. So in this case, if I were you, I'd maybe actually believe him. The date was messy to say the least, so maybe he just got scared and figured that he's not ready yet. I don't think he used you on purpose, like his intentions weren't to just have sex but he realized afterwards it's not what he wanted.
    Just be glad that he realized that now, and not a few more months down the road. Also, maybe next time don't go to a club for your first date with someone. Getting sloppy like that on the first real meeting isn't exactly the best first impression. I don't think it's the only thing that made him pull away, and he might have pulled away later anyway like I said, but for a first date it's definitely not ideal.

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What Guys Said 44

  • Why do you feel used? You had sex. Didn't you want to? Don't have sex with guys on the first date if you are going to be hurt if there's no second date. Have sex because you want to have sex, not because you think it will get you another date.

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    • I sort of was reluctant to do it at first because I wouldn't usually. But he kept telling me to come to his bed and we eventually did.. Then he told my friend and her boyfriend the next day :(

    • I'm sorry he turned out to be such a jerk.

  • Well, I think there were mistakes on both parties... you shouldn't have gotten that drunk and accepted him into your bed so early on... those were stupid yet understandable since you are so out of dating practice... him... it was of extremely bad taste to tell that you two had sex, if I were in your place I would have slapped him for that thing alone... tho, I wonder what you were thinking when you decided to get into bed with him... did you think he is gonna take you serious? Or did you want simple one time sex? It doesn't look like you wanted a one timer... then dont act like a one timer... as for him... it was bad of him to know that he isn't ready for a relationship rn and still have sex with you... that was in one meaning alone - using you... for pleasure or for trying to wrap his mind around whatever is on his mind these days... I think you should either think of it as you both used each other in one way or another for different yet similar reasons... or you should really talk to him about what is exactly on his mind and try and understand... maybe his intents werent so malicious as they seem... my kik is NaturalPath if you want to talk more about it...

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  • Unfortunately Alcohol takes the edges off and things happen that maybe you wouldn't usually do. Some blokes do use this to their advantage and unfortunately cause feelings that you are experiencing now. Sounds to me he only wanted a one night stand with you and it won't go any further. Sorry

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    • But we were texting for 3 months, and had so much in common :(

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    • I think the reason why you feel bad is likely because you let your guard down and let him in a little bit further than you wanted. He proberly put a little pressure onto you to get you into bed, something that you felt uncomfortable with.
      You had higher hopes and thought he was better than what he has treated you.

    • I mean he isn't a bad person, but he should not have had sex with me or told me he liked me then ignored me like that.

  • You know, this is a live and learn thing. Guys do this all the time and the truth is, it has nothing to do with your getting drunk or anything you did. Guys simply will have sex with girls that they aren't interested in and will just leave them. I'm sorry this happened to you, but the best thing you can do at this point is move on and consider it a lesson learned.

    Oh, and if he wants to talk to you a couple months down the road? Yeah, I hope you know what to do with that text.

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  • Another reckless girl, used cuz of her stupidity.
    Basically without knowing all ur back story i would say ur a slut, but now i would say ur just ignorant, it's your fault that you're sad and hurt, the only thing you can do now is suck it up get up be strong and learn from your mistakes, be smart and hard to earn, don't trust people so easily and don't throw yourself at them, this is why i tell people casual sex isn't really that great, you'll feel good for the moment but you'll regret it later and it will have future consequences, guys like this are everywhere you have to be careful, value yourself and only give your heart and body to the guy who deserves it, a guy who cares about you and doesn't take advantage of you cuz you were an idiot. I don't understand why people are so obsessed with sex these days then they come crying about it, have some self control and self respect if you don't wanna get hurt by it -_- you're hanging out at clubs and throwing your body like a piece of trash what do u expect?

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    • Don't be a dick WTF you shouldn't say that stuff no matter what she does she came asking for advice not to be called a slut if anything your trash for having no respect

    • What? I didn't call her a slut i called her ignorant for a good reason, it's tough love hun lol

  • Don't be upset, not your fault at all. basically you got a dose of the dating scene and how a person can roll right over after getting their satisfaction. Happens both ways and you should look at it as YOU used him, got laid and dusted the cobwebs... welcome to the dating scene and lesson learned.

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  • Don't worry, you'll still transfer this guy's DNA to all your future children. It's called Telegony.

    www.sciencedaily.com/.../141001090238.htm

    www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4282758/

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  • hard to say what's up, but I wouldn't waste any more time thinking about him. He seems kind of disrespectful, being 25 and bragging about fking you, then leaving... his head isn't in the right place, and he will hurt you, find someone who's head is in the right place (this person will not b the type to fuck multiple girls in the span of a month or so)

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  • Time to step back and take a look at your life. Your hanging out at clubs, getting drunk. That already leads no were good. You're screwing men that you hardly even know, do you think about these things? This is shit behavior worthy of ghetto filth. Small wonder you're miserable. I can't imagine dating you or even hanging out with you at all if I knew stuff like this about you. If you want this kind of misery to stop, you need to change how you think about life in general. This is garbage.

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  • Maybe he's being honest and his headspace isn't right, but it's ok to feel a bit used. Thats natural. Equally just because you felt a spark doesn't mean he did, and whilst it's shitty to not be honest, he may just have not felt a connection and told you what he thought you wanted to hear. Which is shitty behaviour, but it's also pretty normal. I've dated girls and then discovered I had no sexual chemistry with them, and that's ok, it just wasn't meant to be. Maybe talk to the mutual friend, if the guys being shitty, your friend may him call him out on it.

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    • I think it is kind of hard to feel a spark when you have both been drinking a lot. I would have liked to meet sober just us two but maybe not now :(

  • That is upsetting, and he should have told you that from the beginning of he genuinely meant it, really whatever is intentions were should have always been on the table so you could work with that info. That's shitty and you deserve better

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  • What happen has happened.
    learn from it.

    Like the quote says:
    "Only a diamond merchant can see the difference between a fake and true diamond"

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  • Possible considerations:

    1. You just got out of a relationship so he didn't want to be used as a rebound
    2. In your drunken state you were unattractive to him
    3. The sex was bad (maybe you didn't have a shaved pussy which he prefers)
    4. He said you were really nice = you were TOO nice, didn't seem confident, like you weren't worthy of him and tried too hard to impress him.

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  • Sorry that happened but he did do you a favor. Sorry that you let him in and was used. You should feel upset.

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  • You are just a throwaway. He was in it for the chase, and once he conquered, you weren't worth it anymore. He thinks he can do better.

    The bar for having sex with a girl is far lower than the bar for having a relationship with one.

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  • Did you tell him how you feel?

    That he you feel like he used you for your gratification? Might wake him up a little.

    Things maybe aren't what they seem. Let him know that he's messed with you.

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  • And when I say don't rush into sex they tell me am nuts now look

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  • That is a sex-up for sure. A crossed line indeed. That guy sucks for talking about the sex you had and your "friend" should have said something to him about that but... people fucking suck so I don't know

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  • Lesson #1 never have sex on 1st date,
    Lesson #2 especially if it is a double date xD

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  • Live and learn. It was only sex. But you’ll know now never to give it out so easily again.

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What Girls Said 12

  • he is wondering how many other guys you slept with on the first date. How you treat him or others is how he thinks you treat everybody

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  • Let this be a lesson to never have sex on the first date again. If you put out on the first date, most guys will have no respect for you. They will think that you're just a slut and will use you as a one night stand or booty call. Don't waste any more time on this guy. If you just got out of a long-term relationship maybe you should take a break from the dating scene for a while, or at least don't have sex with any guy right away.

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  • I think he 100% either used you for sex, didn't click during sex and didn't know how to tell you, or got a positive reaction from a girl he is more interested in.
    Either way, he's rude for telling people he had sex with you (that's private) and the way he could talk to you for 2 months then leave riggght after sex. So messed up,

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  • You gained an experience with the sex and also getting your heart hurt. If he doesn’t return he was never yours to begin with. People leaving you is actually a blessing in disguise because the alternative would be that they stay with you even if they secretly aren’t into you.

    May you find someone who texts back and dicks you down like there’s no tomorrow

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  • I'm sorry you had to go through that situation. You shouldn't let a guy in your bed if you don't know him well enough (if you're hoping for a relationship). That dude just played the sweet-talk trick to have sex with you.

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  • I honestly dont know why guys do this, its so mean.

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  • You said I don't know your story but I would say your a slut

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  • been played by the player. or he saw a red fla. whatever the case was you'll find a better man, preferabbly one that waits for marriage.

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  • Sorry but he already got what he wanted. It was only 2 months he needed to stick around for and unfortunately you were just a hit and quit.

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  • Lol just because a guy that maybe liked you (and had sex with you while he was at it) left just like that doesn’t mean he “used” you. It means he simply isn’t interested in a relationship regardless if there were any sex involved. He simply isn’t interested, or mayb you were bad in bed.

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    • My male friend just said “it was because he thought she’d cheat on him given that she slept with him so quick”

  • He just used you.

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  • Hey, don't feel bad at least this will be a good lesson for the future. I feel yah because it happened to me

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