My ex says he will change after multiple break ups, should I believe him?

I’ve had multiple breakups with my ex boyfriend of only 5 months on and off. He has issues , many of them are around his mental issues which he’s working on with a therapist, but we do have incompatibility issues. Now he’s back telling me he will change for the better for good, he wants to change, wants to live his life and make his own decisions and not always thinking what others will think. He says he loves me and can’t let go. I don’t know if I should go back, it’s been a yo-yo relationship and I do care about him, but I thought the last breakup was for good. I didn’t expect him to come back. Should I believe that he will change? Should I take him back?

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Um, I was in a similar situation only I'm the guy.
    I was slightly depressed and emotionally unstable and that kept hurting my ex, she dealt with it in a really cruel way by dating others. Anyway, I was ready to do WHATEVER was required to work it out, if she just stood by me and gave me time.

    spoiler ending: she didn't and her feelings for me wasn't genuine because she said she loved me and wanted to figure it out but used one argument about her dating others to bail and go exclusive with another guy she saw, basically I got played

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Most Helpful Girl

  • No, you shouldn't.
    Something that helps me when I have a personal dilemma, is to try to think of it from an outsider's perspective. So, if a friend of yours came up to you and said "hey, this guy who has treated me badly in the past, who has issues, and who has broken up with me multiple times before, is now back and saying that he'll change. Should I take him back?" - what would your response be? Surely you would tell your friend no, and that nothing good will come out of it, that he's not worth her time, that he'll just keep breaking his promises and her heart.
    By thinking of it from a different perspective, it suddenly becomes crystal clear. So, why would you tell a friend to leave him, but tell yourself to give it another shot?
    He's not worth it. You've given him multiple chances, and each time he has failed. I admire his will to change, however, he should know that he has already messed up his chances with you and that both you and him should move on.

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What Guys Said 20

  • Whether I'm dating someone or it's a friend there are two things that I always consider. One, are they really working on their problem. Two, if they're prescribed medication are they taking it everyday.

    What does it mean to be working on their problem. They should be seeing their counselor no less than once every other week. Are they involved in groups at counseling. Are they working on homework from those groups and or their counselor. If they are really putting themselves out there to the counselor and at these groups they will be tired after each session.

    If it doesn't seem like they're really working on it and or not taking their prescribed medication everyday as prescribed - then run and flee they will not change.

    If it seems that they are really working on their problem and taking their prescribed medication when they're supposed to it is up to you if you want to ride it out. It could take a long time before you will see the benefits of their working on this. So you have to be prepared for more ups and downs in the future. If you don't think you can handle that again then you may want to call it off.

    You commented that after the last break-up you thought this was for real that it was the last break up. When that happened did you feel relieved? If you did follow your gut instinct and stay away.

    Always remember to take care of yourself first. If you don't take care of yourself first you can't take care of other people.

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  • Dating someone with mental illness is touchy situation
    he can say that he will change but unless he gets the help
    i don't see him changing for the better and my opinion from
    dating a girl who had mental illness i never went back with her
    and i learned my lesson from my break up with her was for the
    best i believe you should move on without him.

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  • This is the as usual characters of a teenager.. if he didn't tangled with anyone after you. Then only he wanted you back in his life.. its ur decision to go with him or not, because you know him well , his weakness strengths n other things.. so being safer side. Try to be with him socially. Not to go again in same relationship. Observe his each n every characteristics of talking, txting, if is there any suspicious found, then its time to stay away.

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  • Whenever I would commit to a person who has mental issues, I would mean that I would stay by her at all times, because I understand the hardships that she is going through because of those issues. Whenever I commit to that kind of person, It would already be part of my intentions to fix that person. So if you want to go back with him again, hope that he will indeed change, but expect that you will have to help in changing him.

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  • At least for my similar situation, someone gave the advice: "Ask yourself if you got back together, would you be questioning that decision for the rest of your life?"

    At least for me, because every situation is different, that made me realize I was settling.

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  • Hell no, people don't change, you better find a guy that you feel comfortable with. If there is an issue that was worth breaking up with him, it will not vanish and your relationship will end soon. Sorry to that guy, but we all need to find someone that we can forgive, that we can live with. Small fights are fine and natural, you can't fix big issues that lead to huge fights and even break-ups.

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  • While I do think that people can change, hell no don't take him back. All that does is reinforce his behavior because he knows you'll just take him back. Leave.

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  • No he won't change. Women like the idea of changing a man and that's why you're here asking us lol. Delete and move on.

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  • Wait to see the changes first, but be friends while you're waiting. If he has changed then it might be worth the chance, if not the incompatibly will still be there and it's won't be worth it.

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  • No. You're wasting your time. It's like dealing with a spoiled child.

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What Girls Said 5

  • He won’t change. Trust me. Don’t do it just because you feel bad for him, he needs to learn the hard way

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  • Wake up and smell the coffee sweetheart, a leopard never, ever changes it's spots. The End.

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  • Girl if it takes a man "several breakups " to see where he needs to better himself and what flaws he needs to work on he's a special piece of work and I don't mean that in a good way. If I were you I would tell him to take a step back and think about the time you two have been together and think of every bad situation and what made it into that bad situation and how he could have made it better or if it was one that could have been avoided altogether. Make him think about a life without you and tell him if he doesn't get his act together that is what will happen because you deserve a man who will do everything in gisbpower to make you and keep you happy

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  • maybe he is slowly changing after each breaking.

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  • No I don't think he's gonna change..

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