How do I deal with a having huge crush on this guy?

Anonymous
I met this guy in a youth orchestra two years ago and I guess it was his personality and his passion that make me so dizzy with him. I met him the first day I join the orchestra and he's the first to introduce himself to me. The first year, his younger sister started following me and I assumed that he gave my insta acc to her, during rehearsals he started to talk to me and stuff when he found out I'm an artist and figure skater (unfortunately I was very shy and didn't really respond everytime), and even tag me in one of the orchestra performance pics on insta. The second year, he often tell me to sit next to him and once asked me about my piano competition, but when I tried to say hi or talk to him he just walked away awkwardly.

I really have no idea how to react to this, I've never been so in love with one person for this long and I don't know what to do. I don't know if he's having a crush one me too or just me being too imaginative and he's just being friendly. i can sense that I'm really in love with this guy since i had pass crushes but i stopped liking them after a few months, but this guy, he has something in him that drew me to him for two years. Sometimes I regret not saying or responding specific things to him and I just feel so nervous around him. This year, the second year, I'm growing crazier for him and stalk his social media all the time, and when my mind shifts to the possibility that he might disgust me, i feel scared. I got humiliated by a lot buy guys in the past who thought i had a crush on them which i really didn't therefore I don't really know what to do

ps rn I'm a junior and he's a senior and we don't go to the same schools
pps he's quite a popular guy and I'm not really as popular as he is, I'm average
How do I deal with a having huge crush on this guy?
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