He never offers to pay, what should I do?

My boyfriend and I started dating around 2 years ago. We had this thing where we'd pay for our ownselves, because neither do we earn but rely on pocket money. Now he obviously gets a lot from his parents, while I get enough money to pay for myself on three occasions at max. He never ever offers to pay for me and even if I have no money I'd stay hungry because he wouldn't be welcoming me with open arms. Even if I have made him pay once I have to immediately return the money. I've paid for him quite a few times and never take a penny back. Additionally, I save up for months and get him pricey things from time to time, while I barely get anything. I've told him I'm not materialistic and a rose would do, but I've received just one in two years because he finds it a hassle. Today, I was hungry and I asked him to order something for me costing around 3$ and he refused and said do it yourself. I can't even imagine doing that. No matter, how much I'm earning in the future. My traditional mindset says that I'll feel a sense if femininity if my husband takes charge of most financial expenditures. I already do too much for him and I can't gulp how he says no to me. He's a brilliant boyfriend otherwise mA but this is a deal-breaker for me. how do I let him know?

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Most Helpful Guy

  • This will always be a problem. Women are indirectly and subconsciously fed all of the feminist narrative, the strong, independent and empowered woman...

    ... then they get with a guy that actually expects them to always pay for all of their food, and suddenly it's ''My traditional mindset says that I'll feel a sense if femininity if my husband takes charge of most financial expenditures.''

    If you were honest with yourself from the start, this wouldn't have been going on for 2 years.

    Then you get some of the guys in the comments section talking about how the guy is not a gentleman... but that completely ignores the fact that a lot of society has been screaming against men for being exactly that.

    At the end of the day, the problem comes from inconsistency. You want it one way when it suits you, and another way when it doesn't. You want to be treated in a traditional way in some areas, and a non traditional way in others. This is why there will always be a problem.

    Dump him, move on... and you will find a different set of problems because you aren't being congruent within yourself.

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    • Agree with you. Thanks for your input.
      But I never claimed to be a typical strong independent woman. The only reason why we agreed 50/50 in the start was because he doesn't earn yet. And I made it clear, it wouldn't be this way once he's earning. I know I'll be contributing and wouldn't sit around with my wallet closed. With the meager amount I already get I have spent lavishly on him through savings. And it's not a fucking sin to expect someone to pay for you once in a blue moon

    • You have got that the wrong way round girl. I would anticipate paying to start with - it is all part of the chase, but once things became regular I would want an equal partnership. Last thing I was is a life partner who expects to be carried through the whole of life's journey.

Most Helpful Girl

  • Communication is key here, you need to talk to him about how you are feeling, at the end of the day there are a couple of things that you can do. Find a way to make more money for yourself so you can afford to go out, and buy the expensive gifts. Talk to him and say how you can't afford to do gifts and trips out all the time so somethings going to have to give.

    You could break up with him if you don't like it, however COMMUNICATE first explain that you don't get much money in and sometimes it would just be nice if he treated you how you feel you deserve to be. But when it all comes down to it if you don't like it and nothing changes, leave.

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What Guys Said 18

  • This is not a boyfriend. Never has been. Tell he is unbelievably inconsiderate, cheap, tacky and no gentleman. He sat there and ate after denying you? Good grief, that is so tacky.

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  • Are you serious? How the fuck is he amazing boyfriend? He's a greedy selfish fuck... Who the hell wouldn't buy food for his gf? Wtf i can't believe you're still together lol Its time to dump his sorry ass and find a real man

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  • If you were a guy and he was a girl everyone would be saying that you are lucky to have a partner who pays their own share!!!

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  • A child who lived many years without or with not enough pocket money gets used to being very economical with his money. That can last years. Later he might switch to be lavish where it concerns others but stay very economical about himself.

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  • He doesn't care for your needs its not someone u would have a good future with him. Goddamn how do such guys even get girlfriends while im here sitting alone. It makes me sad sometimes

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  • He does NOT trust you at all and he probably grew up in some environment where extended family/friends always took from him and never gave. Some people can grow up like that but still be giving/loving to their SO tho.

    I think you should move on. It’s not going to get better. And if him not spending $3 on you upsets you, just think how you’d feel if you had a real emergency & he told you to F off. He’s not going to change. What was your plan? Unless you are 1000% set on marrying the guy there’s no point sticking this out. You can find way better acting guys.

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    • Oh, and him getting other things from you & not giving... that’s very bad too.

      Cheaters are selfish too. Would not be surprised if he is prone to cheat.

  • Wtf is this behavior? This guy doesn't know how to be gentlemanly.

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  • He sounds selfish, but financially his money is his and you don’t deserve a single penny of it.

    I have issues with people not wanting to share, but ultimately his money is his money, whether he worked hard for it or not.

    If you’re breaking up because he doesn’t splash cash on you, good for him. He doesn’t need that financial barnacle in his life.

    If you’re breaking up with him because he is totally unselfish and will never do something for you, even a free act of kindness, good for you.

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  • he sees you as an equal partner. nothing to do for you there xD

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  • #StopBeingASucker

    Pay for just yourself and tell him to do the same.

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  • That's definitely not a good sign. If i were you I'd have taken that as a sign for the next dude.

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  • One word. . Breakup!!

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  • Tell him he's a selfish jerk and to fuck off

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  • Dumping is the best option

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  • Money and Romance should be kept separate.

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  • Breakup...

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  • he doesn't care for you.

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  • He's selfish an cheap. You need to get your credit up. Be independent an don't rely on anyone

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What Girls Said 10

  • Usually at this point, like when you have to remind when you did favors, it's when relationship is being faulty, just already for a friendship, so... umm for couple relationships this is a serious situation and it is better to talk about it with him in my opinion, be honest

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  • Ehh id break up with him honestly. Expecting him to pay for everything is a bit much, but that's not what you're asking at all, if you're in a relationship you should just pay for eachother when you can, my boyfriend and I just have whoever has more money that week pay for stuff

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  • Literally talk to him about it. Especially how you have very limited funds, and can’t always afford to do the things that he wants AND buy him expensive gifts.

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  • Tun nu nu nu, tun tu nu nu nu
    A scrub is a guy who thinks he's fly and is also known as a buster,
    Always talking bout what he wants and just sits on his broke ass, so, no.

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  • My ex was like that. I was his sugar momma and he was a full blown narccisist and sociopath. Get rid of him. Seriously. Cheap people are the worst. He doesn't deserve your generosity.

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  • Break up with him.
    I'm with my boyfriend for many many years now, we started out with just pocket money, now we both work. He usually has paid for me and if I didn't have any money he would always give me some. I did pay him back from time to time, but he didn't expect it. Now I earn more than him, yet things haven't really changed, though I'm trying to pay more stuff now.
    Refusing to buy food for someone who is hungry is cruel. We both have bought food for some friends who have been through hard times, homeless people or basically anyone in need. When you have money you give some to the less fortunate. It's showing character. One day I may be in need and someone will help me. This is how it works.

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  • Try to resolve this problem through communication- explain to him what you've said here and see how he reacts. If he still refuses to pay, then dump him.

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  • If I were you I’d break up with him !! He’s not even gentleman ! And obviously he doesn’t care about you just break up with him

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  • He's not boyfriend material, break up

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  • Get over it

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