How can I tell a guy I don't like him without hurting his feelings?

So this guy has been texting me all the time and really showing signs that he likes me. Earlier last month he invited me to go out with him for a meal and to the cinema.. at the time I wasn't sure if I liked him so I decided to go thinking meeting him alone might help sort out my head and decide if I truly like him. Anyway after this "date" I decided he wasn't for me and frankly I thought he'd be put off me because I'm extremely outgoing and chatty whereas he's extremely shy and reserved. However at the end of the day he gave me a lovely box of chocolates and text me immediately after he'd left asking if I'd got on the right train and saying what a great day he'd had. At this point I wanted to tell him that I didn't really think a relationship would be right but I thought I'd hang on and see if his messages died down. Anyway they didn't and he's been constantly messaging me since asking to meet up and asking if he can introduce me to his parents and constantly saying what a good couple we'd make. Now we're not an official couple and I don't want to sound presumptive but it's rather obvious he wants to be more than friends. I feel it's partly my fault as I've somewhat lead him on but now it's out of hand and I need to put a stop to it before he gets even more hurt. I feel so awful because he's the most lovely genuine guy I've ever met and he seems to genuinely really like me (his friends have said he's basically head over heels for me!!) so I don't know what to do! I don't want to hurt him by keep going with it but ultimately having to reject him but with him already lacking in confidence I don't want to knock him even more.. does anyone have any ideas how I can tell him gently and not come over as totally selfish and horrible? And help would be massively appreciated! X


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Most Helpful Guy

  • You seem pretty proactive in finding a perfect guy for you. (Trying to put some hunour in it, that didn't work anyway haha).
    I have tried dating a few girls and faced failures till now. These girls never rejected my proposal directly and kept me guessing and making my own assumptions. This killed my huge amount of time. On the contrary, there was this girl which was very special for me. Yeah, I loved her a lot but that isn't the only reason why i can't forget her. She said it right to my face that she doesn't like me. For the next 1 month I cried. Only cried. Then something hit me. She was too straight forward to me. She immediately given me her decision. It was clear that she had no feelings for me.
    I still like her and respect her for being straightforward to me.
    Now coming to you. Just meet him in person and tell him humbly what are differences you two have and how your relationship might now work. Don't be overly sweet to him so that he will start liking you even more.
    BONUS ADVICE-Be who are you and improve yourself. Regardless of what people have to say to put you down.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Just be honest and tell him everything. Not in parts but the whole story. Yes it will hurt him a bit but trust me it's better than listening to parts and then questioning yourself on what you did wrong. Also don't directly say you want to be friends because that will give him some hope to try again. Just ask him if he can be around you despite knowing you don't want a relationship? I think you will get your answer and he will get less hurt.

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What Guys Said 21

  • First off - You seem like a very fantastic person with character. That I already like, as it shows that you do care for the other persons feelings when it comes to situations of "bad news" coming their way.

    Secondly - To let you know ahead of time, someone's feelings is going to get bummed on regardless the situation. Either you drag this on and it affects you even more or you let him know straight on and get it done quicker. It's definitely not an easy cookie to swallow.

    The best thing that you can do is to tell him straight out how you feel and probably in person because you can actually tell how the person is after they hear the news. Either they will react in a poor manner (no friends zone) or be proactive and mature (friend zone) about it. But after seeing his reaction, you'll know what to do because some nice guys do become super salty and flips a 180 in their demeanor, those are the ones you'll have to be more alert on. Have an honest conversation. If this was flipped on you, ask yourself, "How would you like the news to be broken to you?" Flipping your perspective.

    It seems like you have no ill will with this guy, so just break it to him. If you guys didn't click, then you guys didn't click. Watch out if he comes with a clinger rebuttal of "let just give it some time", but use your intuition. If you know he's not for you, then that's ok.

    Tell him first how you think about him, being mr. Nice guy and all, and then go for the truth on why you think you don't click with him. And friend zone after is to your discretion. Don't feel bad, it is what it is. Just do the right thing and learn from it. Hope this helps :)

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    • One more thing.

      Since your young, doing the right thing will be tough, but as you gain more experience, you'll be able to handle situations like this more smoother. I'm not saying that it'll easy, but it shows more character in yourself when you do what's right instead of just ghosting the guy. Lol. And I'm sure, maybe not now but later, he'll appreciate you for what you did. Being straight forward and honest, with compassion of course. Can't be rugged with situations like this, unless the dudes a prick or a super clinger. Put on your best effort. Don't shy away from it. You got this!! :)

  • You genuinely do seem like a lovely, considerate young lady who has concern for others, which is admirable. However, the harsh reality is that rejection sucks and you almost certainly will hurt this lad's feelings. You're best of telling him you don't see him the way he sees you sooner rather than later. He may feel dejected now but I'm sure he'll appreciate your honesty in time. If he is the lovely guy you say he is, I'm sure he'll deal with it.

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  • It's going to suck no matter what. I speak from experience being the person dumped. But the best way to do it, is to show respect, sympathy, and to do that don't break up via text, email, Snapchat, or any crap like that. It has to be in person. And when breaking up with him don't say "I don't like you, or your not my type" it's like saying your not good enough for me. But saying something along the lines of "I'm sorry, but I don't feel as strongly about US". It's apologizing (which shows you care), it shifts the "the person at fault" from him to you which you can explain with any number of reasons ( like work, school, your not ready, etc).
    P. s. don't do it at the place where you or he lives. Because I'm case shit goes sideways ( which is akways a possiblity with how crazy people are), both of you have the option to leave without violence, so I'd recommend like a small restaurant around non rush hour times

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  • You can't, he will get hurt anyways. But just be honest and he will understand, at least should if he is ok guy. And be polite, don't criticize. Maybe couple complements.

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  • I think its best to be kind but cut straight to the chase. Either way not being with you will hurt him and I think cutting to chase is better than beating around the bush. Say you're not interested in being in a relationship so you're only looking for friendship at the moment.

    Remember at the end of the day, you're under no obligation to be in a relationship with someone you don't want to be with.

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  • There is no easy solution you just have to make it clear so he can move on. Don't give him hope by trying to soften the blow with a "maybe someday" or "i'm not ready for a relationship".

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  • Someone talking about saying what a good couple you'd make is too immature you at this stage. They need to grow up a bit and seem to be taking things a little bit too fast.

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    • I agree with this person. As prematurely thinking that "we'll make a good couple" is a person who doesn't have enough experience to fully be aware what a good relationship is like. It takes a lot of work and commitment, especially in these present times, to make it work. Think about the movie "Hitch" with Will Smith before he transformed into his more confident relationship guru self.

  • You can't. Sorry, but rejection always hurts. So, then, do you want to make it even worse by stringing him along until you can't put it off, anymore?

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  • Honestly is a bitch, but the faster yoy reveal the better. He will be broken but! Better than giving him false hope, that is just torturing.

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  • Don't ghost him

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  • How hot is he on a scale of 1 to 10?

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  • "Your a nice guy, but this can't work"

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  • Just be completely honest and say why. No games. Guys hate that

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  • Tell him ur dad won't let you date anyone

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  • You need to just tell them. It hurts. But it hurts now. Where later on. You might start poking sticks at him. And then that's when people get hurt. So deal with it and let him go.

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  • Just be truthful... the truth hurts but it's always best to be honest and maybe you and him can still be friends

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  • little by little leaving him
    dont text every day
    dont say nice words

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  • Straight up tell him. No beating around the bush

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  • Real men don't have feelings.

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  • 'Im secretly taken'

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  • Say "you're not my type". This emphasises that attraction is subjective, and that he is therefore probably desirable to people with different tastes to you.

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    • That is the most horrible thing you can say to someone who happens to be a good person. You need to also be respectful when breaking up with someone.

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    • You have a lot of anger towards people. You can't treat those who are good like those who are bad.

    • Most, if not all people are morally grey. I'm not angry with you, sorry if I came across that way.

What Girls Said 4

  • Well if it was me I would meet him in a public place and simply say that your really sorry but you feel like you'd better friends than lovers and you don't really know how too say it so sort and sweet and try not to use strong words like I don't love you tbh this is a really tricky one he is got love hearts I'm his eyes plus the longer you leave it the worst it will get and don't be surprised if he cuts you off I wish you luck Xx

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  • Be honest yet kind

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  • Be honest

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  • Just be honest with him that you are not looking for a serious relationship right now but you are happy to be friends with him. That you enjoy his company. Assure him, you'd still be there when he needs you as a friend. Assert the friend word over and over so he knows that's all he is to you. Friend zoning him is the better way than leading him on and giving him false hopes. Either way, you'd crush his heart but at least you give him honest truth.

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    • Very good advice. I wish my ex broke up with me in this matter.

    • @Ballin13 Thanks. I'd rather be hurt big one time than pretend to love me when you don't.

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